Style Jury: Baby [Fake] Hair

Posted on March 18, 2009

SAD LIL’ MAMA FACE RATING [OUT OF 5]

SouthernGyrl is 100 percent correct. Train up a child in the way she should go [all the way down to the beauty supply store] and when she is old, she will not depart from it.

Operated completely under Baby Daniel’s iron fist Baby Bangs is the children’s division of the wig crypt. The wiglet / headband is advertised as “for the girl who has everything — but hair!”

For this I weep. And you thought that baby stilletto pumps in the club was the ultimate. What’s your verdict?

Big Tings A Gwan

Posted on February 23, 2009

Kizzy Rowland will co-host a new reality competition titled The Fashion Show with fashion designer / tang enthusiastic Isaac Mizrah for Bravo.

I know, I know. That makes as much sense as Nicole Richie [congratulations, BTW] being a judge on Iron Chef. Chick willingly allowed Mama Tina to play dress up with her for all these years before she came to her senses.

I thought the wig crypt had went to hell in a House of Dereon pic-a-nic basket when Michelle was on RuPaul’s Drag Race trying to tell the kids about themselves but this?

On The Fashion Show professional designers will compete in challenges that will be judged by professionals in the fashion world as well as by the studio audience. The ultimate prize is having the winner’s designs sold by a major retail outlet. That’s right girls, coming to Ross Dress For Less near you soon!

Survivor

Posted on February 18, 2009

Before I get started I just want to say that I’ve been wanting to use this raw emotion filled picture of Solange for a while. Now that the opportunity has presented itself I couldn’t help but jump at it. Oh, and because I care deeply for Kid Creole of course.

Solange was rushed to the emergency room yesterday after fainting at an airport on her way home from Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week. The culprit? Nyquil.

“Woke up to 8 random people over me, laid out on the floor in baggage claim!” Knowles posted on her Twitter page early this morning. “Guess I passed out! Scary. Hooked up to IV now. Apparently I’m super dehydrated.”Knowles started to feel loopy when she tried to get some sleep by downing cough medicine. “I took a nyquil and i think maybe im getting high off it because im not sleeping,” she wrote, adding later, “everythings movvvvviinnngg slooooowww, lol.”

She was released from the hospital after a second round of IV and a visit from her mother, Tina. “My mom is the best. LOL,” Knowles wrote. “She’s like, ain’t nothing wrong with this girl, she need some water and rest…Pull up the car! LOL.”

Mama Tina keeps things in line, baby! There are wigs to be made! Being dehydrated and having low blood pressure its no excuse for missing unnecessary days from the wig crypt. Still, let Solo tell it she is a modern Etta James for surviving this shit.

Solange Has Finally Arrived

Posted on February 16, 2009

The only titties I like to keep up with are usually that of to Rick Ross but I couldn’t help but notice that the junior keeper of the wig crypt had a Tara Reid moment while posing for pictures at the Toni Maticevski fashion show on Monday night. She should re-think wearing her pouch of creole spices another way or invest in double sided tape. Girl, you so bad ass!

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When Bad Wigs Happen To Good People: Devyne

Posted on February 13, 2009

Never mind the rented titties and cankles, focus!

With all the new advances that are being made each and everyday in the wig crypt there is simply no excuse for this! Minus her clingy personality and annoying presence, Real World Brooklyn roomie Devyne doesn’t seem to be a bad person at all, which is why it pains me to do this.

Back in the day when I was a junior glowstick carrier I would wrap plastic rollers around a row of hair tracks [weft, weave, whatever you like to call it] and pop that sucker in the microwave for a minute or two to create curls. You laugh but try it out sometime for yourself, just don’t expect any miracles.

My kitchen hair experiment would usually yield pure wackness that looked a lot like Devyne’s wig, but you gotta remember that I was still in Sketchers at that point in my life so I can’t be held responsible. As a grown as woman I simply cannot condone this. Girl, stop! Save yourself any further embarrassment and travel to the nearest hood beauty supply store and get Lil’ Rounds [*] to help you out!

[*] You watch too much television if you recognize that name.

The Gang’s All Here

Posted on February 11, 2009

VIEW GALLERY FROM THE PARTY

I’ve got some good news and I’ve got some bad news. First the bad. Production is down in the wig crypt 47% this quarter due to the recession. Now the good. Kizzy, Beyaki, and Shug Avery have some extra itme to spend with each other now. Aww! It’s just like the video for “Girl” and shit.

The lovely ladies hooked up at Kizzy’s Surprise 28th Birthday Party on Tuesday night in Hollywood. Cousin Angie B!, La La Vasquez, Forest Whitaker, Busta Rhymes, Columbus Short, and a host of others came out to celebrate with Kiz.

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All Is Well In The Wig Crypt

Posted on February 10, 2009

There was some talk that Mrs. Bust It Creole was MIA because she didn’t attend the Grammy’s with her husband and sent her understudy, erh, sister instead. Well, I’m glad to report that her yaki is still as immaculate as ever.

The eldest of the dirty rice kids posed with Sheryl Crow on the red carpet at the Unforgettable Evening Benefiting the Industry Foundation on Tuesday night. You know she was asking questions about what Lance Armstrong’s lone nut taste like.