Swizz Beats Wants To Place Mashonda In A Legal Choke Hold

Posted on May 21, 2009

Bobby Brown always seems to add to my journalistic credibility in one form or another. I really should cut the man a check or at least allow him to sleep on my sofa for one night.

But I digress.

After bragging about Alicia Keys cooking him breakfast butt ass naked on the remix of “Best I Ever Had” Swizz Beats has requested a court-approved gag order in the divorce proceedings with the beautiful and talented [ahem] Mashonda.

You bitch you.

Mashonda is arguably one of the supreme vocalist of our generation. She sung the hook on “Get No Better” and some random song on La Bella Mafia. That’s no way to treat a queen of that magnitude.

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Jacking For Blogs: Swizz Is Still Banging Alicia Keys and He Wants You To Know It

Posted on May 11, 2009

It was all good a year ago. Oh well, this would make for a good Tyler Perry movie. From The House of Rhymes With Snitch:

Ok, so remember last year when Alicia Keys started dating married [with a kid] music producer Swizz Beats and threw that birthday party for him at the Guggenheim and all hell broke lose between him and his wife? [click here, here, and here if you don't] Well, Swizz just laced a track for Drake. You know, ‘Wheelchair Jimmy’ from DeGrassi Jr. High? He’s a rapper now.

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You Sent It: Mashonda Bounces On Restaurant Bill

Posted on August 12, 2008

According to C+D reader S. West the former Mrs. Swizz Beats, Mashonda, skipped out on the bill at New York City’s La Esquina on Friday night like it was the Waffle House!

[Insert your own "Money In The Bank" joke right here]

I’m a hairstylist in Queens and my client’s sister just came in with some great juice!

She was at La Esquina this past Friday with a couple of friends to celebrate the birthday of celebrity hairstylist Yusef Williams. Rihanna’s hairstylist Ursula Stephens, Essence magazine’s Fashion Dept and other big wig music industry executives were there.

In walks Jay and Beyonce. Yusef had the back room on lock so the over zealous waiters started to try and rush the guests by offering them free meals! These people were too fab to care about some free meal and rushing for B & J. Needless to say Jayonce bounced.

But the tackiest part of the night was how R&B “songstress” Mashonda (a client of Yusef’s) decided to pull an old school dip out! When the bill came around they were short about $200 and as everyone chipped in they noticed that Mashonda, her sister and their two friends made a subtle exit. Ewe!!

She boasts so much about how, despite her failing marriage with Swizz Beak, (yes, Beak, you’ve seen that brother’s nose), she’s doing her, got an album coming out, etc. and you skip out on a bill?!

Celebs x Jeezy’s Vibe Cover Debut Party

Posted on July 9, 2008

Young Jizzle celebrated his Vibe cover last night in New York City with Nas, Jermaine Dupri, Swizz Beats, and others. I suppose the party was a success. Jeezy likes to drink, Jeezy likes to smoke, Jeezy likes to mix Arm & Hammer with his coke [his poetic words, not mine]. Who doesn’t?

Riddle me this Batman: Why is Clifford always saluting and shit when its time for a photo op? I know him and Hampton J. Pig [ . . . ] have an infant son name Major but until his ass actually enlists I’m going to need for him to stop immediately.

. . . and yes I added a picture of Hef’s hoes to the mix because ‘The Girls Next Door’ is one of my guilty pleasures. I fucks with Holly and Bridget. You going to revoke my cyber hood pass over it?

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Sorry Alicia Keys [1] But I Can’t.

Posted on June 24, 2008

I think I am going to have to take back my earlier statement about posting more flicks from the EBT Awards and hand someone else the baton. Not only am I waving the white fuck effort flag but after watching last night’s fuckery I realized that it just wasn’t that serious.

If you are a blogger who posted anything about the show at your own spot you can email me the link or leave it in the comment section so that I can include your website in a ReRe the Body sized ‘Guaranteed Fresh’ entry. Everybody loves free promotion right?

In the meanwhile, please say something nice about Earl. He needs you.

[1] AK’s little speech about the death of the word can’t made me dry heave. Girl, bye! Tell that shit to Swizz Beats.

You, Me, + She

Posted on June 17, 2008

akswizz1 You, Me, + She

During an interview with MTV.com Swizz Beats addressed rumors that Alicia Key was the reason that he and wife of four years Mashonda called it quits earlier this year. Who would ever thunk that Swizzy’s peen would be the subject of hot debate on the internet. First gas prices, now this. I can’t. And I will not.

Everybody can have their fun right now talking that dumb sh– about my divorce and all that,” he said. “I’mma give them something to talk about. People get divorced every f—in’ day. They need to worry about more serious things.”

The big rumor in the tabloids is that Swizz and his wife broke up over the proverbial “other woman.” What made the story so sensational was that the alleged mistress in this case was Grammy winner Alicia Keys. Swizz dismissed it.

“It ain’t even bad,” he said, more agitated. “My divorce, it ain’t nothing bad. It’s just us moving on. Me and Shonda are super good. It is what it is. [The press] are nine months late on the situation. It’s a headache to me. We been separated nine or 10 months already.”

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Ladies Night

Posted on June 12, 2008

The phrase “producer/rappers negroids ain’t shit” had to come up at least three times at Essence x Toyota’s ‘If Looks Could Kill Party’ last night.

With all the buzz going around that Alicia Keys is partly responsible for Swizz Beats and Mashonda’s divorce, the former Mrs. Dean does have that “if you ask, I will tell” look going on.

If you see Keyshia Cole smiling extra hard its because she is the proud owner of a new set of veneers. There is nothing wrong with wanting to fix your grill in my book. Pour out some Louis XIII for her little dolphin teeth + gums the next time you are getting your sip on.

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