My Curious Case of the Cottles have me feeling almost as awful as Mama T-Pain’s quick weave looks [almost] but the possibility of  Aretha’s titty balls emancipating themselves from mental slavery has perked me up for now.

With a choir backing her up and her nipples swinging lower than a sweet chariot, the love of Catfish Wilkerson’s life brought the house [and thankfully not the stage] down at the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting event on Wednesday night. Rachel Zoe, get you a piece whore!

ReRe The Body received a standing ovation before belting out a sweet walrus yelp at Uncle Nelson’s 91st hoe-down over the weekend but I believe that the crowd’s burst of enthusiasm was  mostly due to the two mighty clouds of joy perched on her stomach.

I’ve been campaigning for her Aretha’s chest melons to be featured in a re-edit of Drake’s “Best I Ever Had” video to no success [Kanye refuses to let Team Chunk be great] but I am going to keep on pushing! There is no doubt that Catfish Wilkerson is holding up her double globes like Atlas every night.

]]> http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/07/20/double-ya-jigglin-baby/feed/ 70 http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/05/06/jacking-blogs-rere-bodys-hat-beef/ http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/05/06/jacking-blogs-rere-bodys-hat-beef/#comments Wed, 06 May 2009 13:27:39 +0000 Fresh http://www.crunktastical.net/?p=18943

Hijacked from The House of Rhymes With Snitch:

Aretha Franklin went on a local Detroit radio station talking slick about Mr. Song Millinery, the hat maker who created the grey felt hat she wore to the inauguration, because she feels she should get royalties from the sale of hats similar to the one she made famous. Aretha’s hat is one of a kind. You can get the style hat she wore, but not the color nor fabric. Anyway, catty Aretha went to the Kentucky Derby last week wearing another Song hat but when she was asked who made it, she said she didn’t know. Meow!

This time. Thanks Netta Boo for the digital fuckery!

Aretha Franklin’s inguration hat was all over the place this weekend! Its first appeared at the SXSW [South By Sothwest] music festival on Perez Hilton’s tangy dome and then later in Detroit at ReRe the Body’s birthday party.  The Hat is by far more important and relevant than anyone else that I have blogged about today, how dreadful.

ReRe the Body is the latest celebrity to have their star on Hollywood Walk of Fame defaced by anti-fur protesters. The future [yes, still in the making] Mrs. Catfish Wilkerson’s plaque has been inscribed with the words “Fur Hag!” How dreadful!

While the Queen is most likely unfazed by the defacing there is a quiet peace in Mary J. Blige’s fur crypt today. While a little scribbling with a marker will never be able to wash all of the blood off of Kendu’s hands it did provide a bit of solace to K-Ci. And in the end, that’s all that matters.

In more pleasant news related to Aretha Franklin, the now-famous bow-tied, Swarovski-crystal church lady hat that she wore at the inauguration last week is in high demand by tacky women and vintage zestlemen around the world! Click here to read about the man who is responsible for the design.

Grace Jones was sighted by the razzi boarding the MV Ghost at the Woolloomooloo Wharf in Sydney, Australia earlier today. The 60 year old original Glowstick Girl raunched up the stage at Enmore Theatre on Sunday night while sporting several Wizard of Oz inspired hats and designs from the She by Sheree collection.

Strangé will always be Strangé. Not that I am trying to imply that her stage show could use some work but ReRe the Body would sell a helluva lot more tickets by just adding a few oddly shaped girdles and nipple covers to her lusty routine.

[flicks via Socialite Life]

Oh, Heavenly Father.

In the sacred words of Young Jeezy, I woke up this morning with a headache this big! Not only that but it also feels like ReRe the Body plopped down on my larynx. I’m in desperate need for some chicken noodle soup for the soul, which is why I selected K-Ci’s video for “I Apologize” as the vault pick of the day.

Beyaki’s chances at performing at President Obama’s inauguration event is looking slimmer and slimmer by the day. First ReRe the Body was announced, then Shakira, now RiRi the Alien Princess. [via Us Weekly]:

Rihanna is ready to rock Washington, D.C. on Inauguration Day.

The 20-year-old Grammy winner will headline the Recording Industry Association of America’s charity ball to benefit Feeding America on Jan. 20, according to Access Hollywood.

We are thrilled to have Rihanna’s participation in the inauguration charity ball,” Feeding America’s Vicky Escarra told Access. “As the prevalence of hunger in America increases at an unprecedented rate, we are most grateful to Rihanna and to RIAA for helping us bring greater visibility to this tragic reality and helping us feed millions more people in need.”

I’m still waiting to hear if JHud will show up, so Beyaki will bang her half-ton weave against the wall.

Police are seeking an arrest warrant for a man accused of hitting his wife after she asked to smell his penis to determine whether he was cheating with another woman, according to a police report released Wednesday.

The 37-year-old victim told investigators her husband of three years punched her face and kicked her arms and legs Monday night after she accused him of having an affair.

The victim said she told her 25-year-old husband as he used the restroom “to display his penis to her so that she can smell it,” the report states.

She said she asked him to show his genital area so she could determine whether he was cheating with another woman.

As she went to sniff her husband’s penis, he reportedly punched her mouth and started to kick her when she was on the floor. The husband then fled the scene.

Police saw bruises and red marks on the victim’s mouth, legs and arms.

She became uncooperative when told a warrant would be filed for her husband’s arrest. [source via The Bocks]