If you spot R.Kelly hustling spaghetti dinners outside of Dwight Eubanks’ Tahoe after bible study tonight try not to judge him for it. The singer tells TMZ he’s already written a staggering 32 new chapters of his never-ending tale of the consequences people face after participating in hoe shit, but will have to hold off sharing his vision with the rest of Gotham City until he receives financial backing. We got any angel investors in the building?

“I’ve always wanted to be a movie director and that’s pretty much my movie directing seeping out through my music, that’s the best way to put it,” he explained. “‘Trapped In The Closet’ is like an alien, as I always tell people. And by the way, I got 32 new chapters that I’m trying to put out now but it costs a lot of money to do it, so I’m looking for investors.”

Now I lay me down to sleep.

Only answer the following if you are at least 18 years old: Would you sail the seven pees seas with R. Kelly?

Fans will have the chance to join the Pied Pisser for his five-day cruise liner event, dubbed the “Love Letter Cruise,” as it sets sail from Miami and tours through the Caribbean in October 2012. The singer promises passengers a “fabulous performance, never before seen at sea” along with tasty food, aerobics classes, five-star spa treatments and salsa lessons. Ole, bitch!

Tickets prices range from $999 to $2,999. Ch . . . that’s plenty Tampico.

In an interview with Chicago’s 107.5 WGCI’s The Morning Riot today (September 15), Kelly, who has said little to nothing about Trey Songz’s previous verbal attacks towards him, says the “Say Aah” singer needs to “humble himself.”

“I know that Trey Songz has the (potential) if he keeps with the hits,” Kelly says. “He just needs to humble himself a little bit more. (If he does), he’ll definitely be one of the runners-up.”

As far as the past attacks from Trey, Kelly says: “I was pretty numb. You know, I’m bullet-proof when it comes to beef. I don’t deal with beef – I love steak (laughs)”

Why the beef? Trey was quoted telling Vibe last year that R. Kelly copied Aaron Hall after people began comparing them.

“People say, ‘Well, I hear a lot of R. Kelly in your music.’ So what?” Songz told Vibe. “R. Kelly took Aaron Hall’s whole style. Two albums straight…You can say what you want about me.”

Kelly had more positive things to say about Trey’s peer and Virginia comrade Chris Brown, adding he’s “already there.”

“…Someone like Chris Brown is already there! Why? Because he is and always has been a humble guy,” Kelly says. “Chris Brown used to come to my studio when he was 13, 14, 15, 16. I used to lecture him all the time. I have the utmost respect for him. I take my hat off to him. Why? Because he got in the studio, did what he was supposed to do, and bounced back like a round ball.”

Currently, R. Kelly is in the studio working on his new album ‘Black Panties.’ (source)

Black Panties?

Ron Isley definitely had something to do with this shit leaking out to the public. God forgives, Mr. Biggs doesn’t!

R. Kelly can’t catch a break. The singer, who underwent emergency throat surgery to drain an abscess in his tonsil last week, made headlines when it was recently revealed that his $2.9 million Chicago estate was in foreclosure because he was delinquent with payments. Now, The Detroit News reports that he owes nearly a million in unpaid taxes. The R&B star apparently needs some accounting assistance, as he owes a debt of exactly $837,000 to Uncle Sam.

Due to this outstanding tax bill, the IRS filed a tax lien against Kelly, 44, back on Jan. 6, 2010. It’s the second lien against the ‘I Believe I Can Fly’ singer as of late; the IRS just lifted a $1,036,858 lien against him last month.

With R. recovering from surgery, which is sidelining him for performing or touring for the foreseeable future, his earning potential is significantly hampered and hindered, further compounding this problem.

Remember when R. first got into some hot water due to that sex tape back in 2002? Now his troubles are concentrated in the financial realm. We hope he gets it together, because it can’t be fun having the tax man tapping at his chamber door to the tune of nearly a million bucks. We also hope the singer is healing now that he is post-op. (source)

Any excuse to dig this shit up. It’s Kellz!

A week following the news that his multi-million dollar moon bounce house in the suburbs of Chicago is facing foreclosure more bad fortune continues to follow R.Kelly.

His publicist Allan Mayer said on Wednesday that doctors drained an abscess on one of Kelly’s tonsils on Tuesday and the singer will be “laid up indefinitely” at Chicago’s Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Mayer says Kelly had been complaining of throat pain recently and was rushed to the hospital after a throat exam.

“Laid up indefinitely” is going to attract all types of shade. Pull out your beach chair and enjoy while you can.

Girl Scouts honorary den leader R. Kelly faces a $2.9-million foreclosure lawsuit on his 11,140-square-foot Olympia Fields mansion after failing to pay more than a year of mortgage payments. That’s a lot of Happy Meals.

Kelly’s home, which sits on a 3.7-acre lot, was constructed in the far southern suburb 11 years ago and its value has plummeted in recent years — falling 26 percent in its most recent appraisal to $3.8 million, as compared to its $5.2 million 2009 value, according to Crain’s. Therefore, Kelly, who has not lived in the home for more than a year, faces debts on the property that likely exceed its current value.

A person reportedly close to Kelly told Crain’s the singer had stopped making payments on the mortgage in order to force the bank to renegotiate the loan.

As Curbed pointed out, the foreclosure suit is not the first time Kelly has run into trouble with his Olympia Fields home. In 2006, the village reportedly sued him for keeping tour buses and dogs at the property and they forced him to demolish a guardhouse that he’d had built on the property without first obtaining the proper permits to do so. (source)

Stop us if you’ve heard this before, but they say R. Kelly is a nasty bastard. Although Chris Hansen has long been waiting for Pissy to give him a reason, the former Zorro enthusiast and alleged playground peeping Tom hasn’t been suspected of doing anything that would lead him to giving a private performance of “12 Play” to a big booty bitch named Brandon in prison.

But, there is one man out trying to dig up Robert’s past for profit. In a new book called The Man Behind The Man (sounds inspired by gay porn or Terry McMillan’s marriage), Demetrius Smith Sr. says that R. Kelly married the late Aaliyah because he got her pregnant.

Urban fiction site Media Take Out posted the following excerpt:

“I think she’s pregnant” he said, in a voice that sounded as if he wanted to burst out in tears. “Oh man, Rob” was all I could say at the time. Derrel McDavid arranged for a car to pick Aaliyah up at O’Hare airport and she had a hotel room available on arrival. This was crazy! How were we going to get through this without causing ill feelings with Barry Hankerson…” and “How you gone marry Aaliyah Rob?” I asked in bitter sadness. I wanted him to relinquish his idea on how that was going to happen.”

Even if this were true, what’s the point in telling everyone now when the po-po could’ve handled this the minute after Aaliyah crooned, “Are you hungry? Do you wanna eat?” on the “Bump & Grind (Remix)?” May Aaliyah’s ghost haunt both the man and the man behind him in their dreams.

WATCH NEWS REPORT

Its not often the Pied Pisser relegates his duties inside of McDonald’s playroom to a less qualified “child care worker” on Chris Hansen’s Most Wanted List to step out to industry events. He made a rare red carpet appearance at the after-party for NBA phenom Kobe Bryant’s hand and footprint ceremony held at Boulevard3 on Saturday night.

I’m sure Tyrese shared a few thought provoking tweets on the bromantic evening that ended with him venting about something messy going on in his personal life and how God will silence his haters, but . . . yeah no.

I love waking up to fuckery. Really, I do. It gives me the strength to brush my teeth and put on my clothes and in the morning. Today was no different, as I was alerted to a YouTube artist named K. Michelle who refers to herself as Robert “The Urinator” Kelly’s girlfriend.

What makes this YouTube vid so . . . unique is that she goes in on Mr. Uncooked Chicken himself, Trey Songz. She gives quips such as “How you going fuck with platinum when you just went gold” and my personal favorite, “You got a condo on Peachtree and now you thinking that you on.”

As for the her being the girlfriend of R. Kelly, I think K. Michelle need more people. He don’t date above the age of 14.

• King magazine cover model Rosa Acosta trades jabs with Maino over her shoe game [Necole Bitchie]

• Trina has finally stopped shopping for wigs from the clearance bin [Ozone Magazine]

• Was Monica and Rocko’s split a publicity stunt? [Baller Alert]

• Jill Scott ’soul burns’ when she sees black men with white women [Miss Jia]

• The production cost on R.Kelly’s video equals the same amount of cash Tiger dropped on all his hoes combined [Freddy O]

• Meet a couple of pussy monsters [Blogxilla]

• Lindsay Lohan hides all of her good eightballs of crack in a unique place [Dlisted]

• Dedicated to all the tragic individuals who cite Media Take Out as a credible source [The Cynical Ones]