Nick Cannon isn’t the only one scheming on ways to run up on Chelsea Handler at the checkout line Target. (Mr. Mariah didn’t take too kindly to the comments Handler made about his wife’s battle of the bulge.)

With the instrumental to T.I.’s “U Don’t Know Me” playing inside her head Joan Rivers ripped into 50 Cent’s former cum catcher Tuesday morning on Howard Stern’s Sirius XM show in response to the light shade she served only a day prior while chatting it up with syndicated shock jock.

“One, the girl made it on her back fucking the president, we all know that, of the network. Number two, she’s fine, she’s ordinary. She’s not a genius,” said Joan.

“She’s an ordinary girl that was fucking somebody high up in the industry and they gave her a break and she’s doing okay,” Joan told Howard referring to Chelsea’s past relationship with E! President Ted Harbert.

“Whatever she is, she’s a drunk. I don’t wish her good luck, I don’t wish her bad luck,” Joan said.“I don’t think she’s particularly funny. But don’t you come after me, you whore!”

She then dropped her cup of morning joe to the floor, peeled off her shirt and asked, “Now who else wanna fuck with Hollywood Courts?” Watch the video below.

“I’m feeling good, I’m in the office, I’m grinding, the only thing that sucks is that I’m on the renal diet,” Cannon said. “It’s all about healthy living and fueling your system, but I don’t get to eat the things that I like to eat. You’ve got to stay hydrated and [eat] fruits and vegetables for breakfast.”

After admitting that a more typical breakfast would usually include Lucky Charms cereal (”I can’t have none of that stuff anymore”), Cannon explained that simple foods like oats are now on the menu.

“Not even the good oatmeal,” Cannon said. “Real oats, like horse-feed stuff — but it’s cool. I’ve got to start to love it.”

According to Cannon, the diet will be implemented in phases, and as his body slowly recovers, he’ll be able to incorporate Lucky Charms and other banned foods into his regimen once again.

“Right now I’m still on the strict diet and I can’t have any sodium, but as a couple of weeks go by and everything gets leveled out, then I can start having low sodium,” he said, revealing that hot sauce has been his solution for adding spice to his diet. “I can still have Tabasco sauce, so I’m excited about that because I love hot sauce. I’ll be putting Tabasco sauce on carrots, like, ‘This tastes delicious!’ “

I hardly ever use my blog to campaign for cosigns but when I say that Kim Porter’s baby hair was was laid like Shellac and Shalamar as I basked in its holy presence earlier this year in Miami please believe me. Talk about a personal milestone. I went back to my hotel room and cried Jesse Jackson tears for hours following that moment.

The regal perm box model continued in outstanding tradition this week in Los Angeles while attending the launch of Google Music at Mr. Brainwash Studios. Peep flicks of the party people (including Drake, Serena Williams, Christina Milian, Busta Rhymes and Nick Cannon) below.

After debuting double bundles of joy to Memaw Barbuh for a “20/20″ special Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon launched dembabies.com, a site devoted to showing off super adorable images of Moroccan and Monroe.

“We deliberated for so long about how to reveal the first pictures of our babies to the world. We just didn’t want to do the typical thing and display them in a tabloid (not that there’s anything wrong with that),” a statement on the site reads. “We decided to share this beautiful experience with you in a special intimate portrait of our family. Parenthood is absolutely the most life changing experience we could ever have imagined. The love we feel for these babies is above and beyond anything we’d ever dreamed of.”

The twins, born in L.A. on April 30–just as Carey and Cannon celebrated their fourth wedding anniversary, are affectionately nicknamed Roc and Roe.

“Society puts too much on entertainment and entertainers,” Cannon told Walters. “They praise them like they’re royalty, especially in America, where it should really be about the teachers or, you know, the doctors. I want them to be able to sing as beautifully as their mother. I want them to be able to play instruments and everything. But I want them like … ‘Go get a Ph.D.’”

I’m not one to gloat but reporting stuff late as hell has it advantages. Behold, big swole.

After being pregnant for four score and seven years Mariah Carey finally dropped her double load off at the docks over the weekend. Husband Nick Cannon and his mom Beth helped her waddle from the comfy accomodations at the Terranea Resort in Palos Verdes, CA to a waiting vehicle ready to whisk them off to the hospital.

If that v-neck was cut any lower . . .

LOL, okay Mimikins.

Under normal circumstances I would throw my laptop out of the window and take a nap for the rest of the day after resizing Nick Cannon’s crustache down to more palatable pixels but I am going to go against my better judgment this time.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are about to be parents twice over. Nick revealed that he and his wife are expecting twins.

“My wife at one time, she referred to her stomach as they and that probably wasn’t the wrong thing for her to do. That’s all I’m gonna say,” he told “E! News.” The “America’s Got Talent” host also mentioned “new additions” to his family in an online holiday greeting card.

The babies are due early next year, but Nick wouldn’t disclose their gender. (Rap-Up)

Mariah Carey has been spotted looking like a cold slab of uncooked bacon in recent weeks, sparking rumors that she is expecting her first child with husband Nick Cannon. Her sudden withdrawal from Tyler Perry’s film adaptation of the 1975 play For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf last week added more fuel to the flames.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss her personal life at this time,” Carey’s spokeswoman Cindi Berger said, declining to give a reason for Mimikin’s departure.

During an appearance on E! last Thursday, Nick Cannon told the network that a member of their family was indeed expecting. “I do want to make a big announcement right here on Daily 10,” he told a reporter. “My Jack Russell terrier puppy Cha Cha is pregnant again!”

And there you have it.

LISTEN/DOWNLOAD

He’s mad as hell. He lost all that damn weight, got that plastic surgery [we saw that XXL cover - - HELLO!], and you still talking reckless Mimi?

Last night, while all of the continental United States and some parts of Canada eyes were glued to the chaos that is Real Housewives of Atlanta, word leaked on Twitter [where else] that Eminem “went in” on Mariah and Nick. Hearing the track myself, I’m not surprised. He talks about the usually shit, blah blah blah I have the pictures, blah blah blah I have the phone messages, blah blah blah stop denying my dick. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m seriously tired of these two going after each other. How many dis-tracks are they going to record? They fight worst than Sheree and Margeaux Taylor [aka Tameka] over who has the biggest dick in Atlanta. Sigh, perception is everything folks, everything.

Mrs. Nick Cannon made good use out of a bag of clothing belonging to Da Brat [hold your head lil' daddy] that would have otherwise continue to collect dust for her new video. Marshall Mathers, this bud’s for you.

Mariah will always be that crazy bitch pushing the ice cream cart on TRL  while rambling about butterflies, Hello Kitty stickers, and unicorns and shit to me. However, I will be say that she tries hard to make people give a damn about her. So people, do you give a damn?

Please keep in mind that she said “these chickens is ash and I’m lotion” way before the creative creole pair of Beyonce and Cousin Angie B! penned “Check On It.”

]]> http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/06/29/quick-flicks-mariah-carey-butches-set-obsessed/feed/ 35 http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/05/12/day-late-dollar-short-3/ http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/05/12/day-late-dollar-short-3/#comments Tue, 12 May 2009 18:59:12 +0000 Fresh http://www.crunktastical.net/?p=19146

Nick Cannon used his personal blog as rant space after hearing Eminem diss his wife Mooriah on the new leaked song “Bagpipes From Baghdad.” Mr. Mimi accused the rapper of being racially insensitive and had critiqued his rhyming skills.

Oh, bother.

Cannon has taken major offense to a leaked record from Em’s Relapse, “Bagpipes From Baghdad,” in which Em raps about taking Mariah Carey “back” from Nick Cannon. (Carey has denied Eminem’s claims that they dated for six months.)

“Nick Cannon better back the f— up,” Em warns the actor/musician on the track. “I’m not playing, I want her back, you punk.”

Later in the song, Em leaves a parting salvo: “Nick Cannon, you pr—, I wish you luck with that f—in’ whore.”

Cannon had a millions things to say in response on his blog on Friday.

“A mediocre (at best) Eminem record that sounds like it was written in 2001,” Cannon blogged. “At first, I thought it was old material that had been dug up from when dude ‘fantasized’ about having a pretend fling with Mariah. … But all of a sudden I hear my name in the verse! My first reaction was like, ‘This is his new sh–? Wow, that’s too bad.’ “

Cannon said that Eminem’s insults amounted to “racist bigotry.” “She has had enough difficulty in her life dealing with racial and ethnicity issues,” he wrote. “Believe it or not, Mariah is the same racial mixture as our beloved president, Barack Obama. (Black Father + White Mother= BLACK)

“Maybe I’m going too far, but I thought we got past the days where white men could spew vulgar obscenities at our beautiful queens and get away with it,” Cannon continued. “What’s next? Are we going to let this trash say something horrible about our lovely first lady, Mrs. Michelle Obama? Or would Marshall have talked sideways out of his neck like this about Oprah Winfrey? This act of racist bigotry cannot go unnoticed. Calling my wife a ‘c—’ and a ‘whore’ is way worse than anything Don Imus could have ever said. So trust, repercussions will be served. Anybody got Al Sharpton’s number?! LOL Let’s not forget about Eminem’s amateur mixtape rants of calling African Americans ‘ni—-’ and how he hates ‘black bi—es.’ “

The actor basically vowed revenge on Slim Shady, joking that he would begin rapping again and threatening comedic retribution.

“So, Miss Marshall, I’m going to make you wish you never spoke my name and regret the ungodly things you said about my wife,” Cannon continued. “This is going to be fun! It’s however you want it! Just remember, you did this to yourself! Your legacy has now been tainted from this day forth! You will now be known as the rapper who lost to corny-ass Nick Cannon!”