Listen, if you are unable to find the artistic value in Patti LaHelle’s genius parody series ‘Got 2B Real’ you are just — that. Whatever that is you, it’s you boo. And I’ll never invite you over for a glass of Sweet Bitch and a rib tips plate. Stay your ass home.

Press play to get your entire life from the adventures of the top divas in the game. Remember to comment, rate and subscribe on YouTube! | via The Fury

Remember when singers just sang? Maybe they wrote a few songs too, or sold a perfume at the CVS, and perhaps acted in a few movies but nothing really overshadowed their singing and hopping around on stage? Those days are over, thanks to the need to have 5,6,7,8, 50-11 side hustles. It’s not enough to put out a good product. Nope, because folks just aren’t buying it anymore. We’re illegally downloading it, sharing it and watching the concert highlights on YouTube, all for free-99. It’s really hard out here for a diva, it would seem. Enter: the weight loss commercial. If you haven’t had a smash hit in years, you can lose some el-bees and #BAM, career’s back at 100 (or a good 85). Jennifer Hudson, Mariah Carey and, now, Janet Jackson have all discovered the formula.

CONTINUE READING ON WITCHES’ BREW

Showing off her svelte new post-pregnancy body, a 70 pounds lighter Mariah Carey eagerly hammed it up for photographers and fans at the Dorchester Hotel in London over the weekend.

Although they don’t have much to say, hubby Nick Cannon recently revealed that 7-month-old twins Moroccan and Monroe are talking. “Not too many words,” Cannon told Us at the Los Angeles Jingle Ball last week. “Just mamma, dadda, and babba. That’s it!”

More pictures of Mimikins arriving plus red carpet flicks of her appearance at the Noble Gift Gala under the cut.

Sometimes we make each other mad, and sometimes I make him mad. That’s called why we’re not divorced after four months.

– Mariah Carey shades the hell out of Kim Kardashyknees

Absolutely I’m young, he’s young and we want to have that between the two of us, but right now we are enjoying the three that we have blended together. We have little Shannon, we have Rodney and we have Romelo. So we are enjoying the three of them right now.

. . . I always say ‘I’m Shannon Brown’s wife’. I don’t look at the title of what he does, basketball, as the leading ideal of what I am as a wife. Because no matter what career path he chooses, I’m his wife, not a basketball wife. I just look at it like we have two different jobs that are some times complex, but wanting our marriage to work it’s easy for us to prioritize and do what we need to do.

– Monica dismisses rumors that she is pregnant and talks life as Mrs. Brown

After debuting double bundles of joy to Memaw Barbuh for a “20/20″ special Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon launched dembabies.com, a site devoted to showing off super adorable images of Moroccan and Monroe.

“We deliberated for so long about how to reveal the first pictures of our babies to the world. We just didn’t want to do the typical thing and display them in a tabloid (not that there’s anything wrong with that),” a statement on the site reads. “We decided to share this beautiful experience with you in a special intimate portrait of our family. Parenthood is absolutely the most life changing experience we could ever have imagined. The love we feel for these babies is above and beyond anything we’d ever dreamed of.”

The twins, born in L.A. on April 30–just as Carey and Cannon celebrated their fourth wedding anniversary, are affectionately nicknamed Roc and Roe.

“Society puts too much on entertainment and entertainers,” Cannon told Walters. “They praise them like they’re royalty, especially in America, where it should really be about the teachers or, you know, the doctors. I want them to be able to sing as beautifully as their mother. I want them to be able to play instruments and everything. But I want them like … ‘Go get a Ph.D.’”

How do I love thee, Mimi? Let me count the ways. Via Gawker:

Mariah Carey hasn’t been seen much since giving birth to twins in April, so people were especially curious on Sunday night ahead of her appearance on HSN to hawk everything from her fragrances to her jewelry. And by God, she delivered.

Carey’s live sales pitch began at midnight and lasted two inexplicably mind-blowing hours. In tangent after tangent, she complained about how horrible her pregnancy was, barked out orders to the camera crew, made up new words—basically, anything but try to sell her designs.

Because nobody should be deprived of a chance to experience it, I’ve edited Carey’s entire appearance down to the most memorable four minutes, video of which appears above.

I’m not one to gloat but reporting stuff late as hell has it advantages. Behold, big swole.

After being pregnant for four score and seven years Mariah Carey finally dropped her double load off at the docks over the weekend. Husband Nick Cannon and his mom Beth helped her waddle from the comfy accomodations at the Terranea Resort in Palos Verdes, CA to a waiting vehicle ready to whisk them off to the hospital.

If that v-neck was cut any lower . . .

LOL, okay Mimikins.

Under normal circumstances I would throw my laptop out of the window and take a nap for the rest of the day after resizing Nick Cannon’s crustache down to more palatable pixels but I am going to go against my better judgment this time.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are about to be parents twice over. Nick revealed that he and his wife are expecting twins.

“My wife at one time, she referred to her stomach as they and that probably wasn’t the wrong thing for her to do. That’s all I’m gonna say,” he told “E! News.” The “America’s Got Talent” host also mentioned “new additions” to his family in an online holiday greeting card.

The babies are due early next year, but Nick wouldn’t disclose their gender. (Rap-Up)

Its been a second since Mimikins has released a music video that didn’t immediately make me erupt into a violent fit of laughter — and from the looks of things its going to be a smooth minute before that happens again. Green screen monstrosities have got to stop in 2011.

Via The House of FourFour:

Mariah Carey spent about six hours yammering on HSN yesterday, hawking her perfume/jewelery/Christmas album/shoes and complaining about her pregnancy. I watched all of it. Above is everything you possibly would need to know about it — except for her constant talk about the need to layer lotion underneath perfume, because frankly, that was boring. The rest of it was wondrously fascinating (not really, but I mean, I watched it all). The woman knows how to talk, but even better than that, she knows how to repeat herself. Aw!