I haven’t wasted bandwidth on Kim Kardashian in months. When she and Reggie Bush called it quits earlier this summer I looked the other way. When she dyed her hair blonde I shrugged my shoulders and thought to myself “whores for propaganda gotta stay relevant some how.” And then when Uncle Cecil started carrying her shopping bags down Rodeo Drive I just laughed and continued on with me day.
But this America’s Next Top Fail shit right here . . .
Life is full of things that just don’t make any sense and Ciara’s new wig is one of them. Don’t get me wrong, as a junior wig crypt overseer I love the style and cut but it just doesn’t fit her and makes her look older. But if she wants to look haggardly I’m all in. I’m just over people referring to this as a hair cut. Call it what the fuck it is, one of Frankie ‘s wigs that got knocked behind her head board by Mon.
Weekend posts don’t get more exciting than this! While you were knee deep in hoe shit in a bathroom stall at the club on Friday night [with your George Michael ass] Uncle Ciara was busy trying out a new wig style. An idle mind is truly the devil’s playground but Willona Woods would be proud.
This isn’t the first time we have seen her in a short cropped wig. She rocked a similar style during the dramatic cunt fallout portion in the video for “Promise.”
Uncle CiCi needs to leave the makeover for publicity shit to her friend Kim Kardashian and see what she can do about those free KFC coupons! Her name has become synonymous in Crunkland with free chicken. Fuck this lightweight shit. Leave posing for Beverly Johnson wigs to Geisha.
I’m finally over that whole Fantasy Ride / KFC thing but that doesn’t mean I will forget just as easily. Just pray for me. Moving along, Uncle Ciara has been keeping busy this summer by opening up for Britney Spears and Jay-Z on the road and whoring for propaganda with Kim Kardashian when she’s back in Los Angeles. Expect those flicks later this week.
I need all my prayer warriors to assist me in casting out this spirit of fuckery. I’m going to have to check my blood sugar on Shawty Lo’s One Touch Ultra after the smoke clears from this.
Word on the curb is that Kim Kardashian is currently in the bathroom at Stop N’ Go studio recording her debut r&b flavored album. But wait, it gets better! A duet with Uncle Ciara is rumored to appear on the future musical masterpiece. Jesus be a non-stop ticket to Dreamland so Jazze Pha and Drumma Boy can breathe life into me!
“I’d have to hear a song and feel it out and see if it’s something I’d sound good at. I would like the music to sound a bit like Lady GaGa, Britney Spears and J.Lo with a bit of an r&b twist to it . . . Filming the video would be fun, that would be the best bit,” says Kardashian.
Kim Zoliack, where art thou?
SAD LIL’ MAMA FACE RATING [OUT OF 5]