Bitches Gonna Be Mad: Keyshia Cole Enjoys Essence Festival

keyshia daniel essence Bitches Gonna Be Mad: Keyshia Cole Enjoys Essence Festival

Every morning I stare at a motivational poster on the ceiling above my bed that reads “You can’t keep a good bitch down.” Okay not really, but I’m willing to bet my last scratch-off that Frankie’s most prized possession does before unwrapping her head scarf and giving her wife beater a quick smell test to determine if its safe to wear underneath her outfit of the day. Your status ain’t hood.

Booked as one of the headliners of the 2013 Essence Festival (come through, Jesus!), Keyshia Cole and husband Daniel Gibson took full advantage of their all-access passes. The powerhouse celebrity couple soaked up Nawlins culture all while sipping ignorant amounts of room temperature Crown Royal out of red plastic cups. At the end of each day they bumped Soulja Slim’s final mixtape in their room at the Red Roof Inn before falling asleep in each other’s arms. At least they did in the halls of my imagination.

But get into her fashion selections. Yes, Key Lo Lo served working mother who smokes her weed in the minivan during soccer practice tease with ease. Cover me with a white sheet. I’m slayed in the spirit.

Janky Promoters: Keyshia Cole Cancels Show Due To Inadequate Lighting And Other ‘Equipment Essentials’

keyshia cole Janky Promoters: Keyshia Cole Cancels Show Due To Inadequate Lighting And Other Equipment Essentials

Don’t go chasing waterfalls, please stick to the fish frys and the metro stations that you’re used to.

Keyshia Cole issued a statement this week apologizing to North Carolina fans for canceling a performance due to the promoter’s inability to provide basic production, including sound, lighting, staging and general safety requirements.

How hard is it to find a church microphone, flashlight and fog machine?

Concertgoers who graciously lined up to pat their quick weaves to Keyshia’s struggle yodels were turned away a hour after the show was scheduled to begin. The janky promoter later said fans could receive refunds by bringing their tickets to the Greenville Convention Center on Monday, but his ass never showed up.

“Beyond pissed off, because we done stayed in the line Saturday for three hours, some four, and now we’re standing in line again,” vented Sharon Anderson.

“I feel like it’s a scam. This is a $110 worth that they’re saying that we’re not going to get back,” added Maquitta Sherrod.

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Quick Quotes: Meshell Ndegeocello Politely Offers Keyshia Cole A Seat

Singer Meshell Ndegeocello took to her Facebook to share her thoughts on Beyonce’s new buzz song, writing:

meshell Quick Quotes: Meshell Ndegeocello Politely Offers Keyshia Cole A Seat

I really felt good when I heard the new Beyoncé track “Bow Down / I Been On.” The energetic frequency transcends the lyrics and that’s beautiful.

Keyshia Cole, “there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women” – Madeleine Albright said that once and it rings true. Stop critiquing people and lets support one another in the world.

I, too, once felt it was necessary to give my two cents but the world is in real need of more detailed, nuanced analyses. Don’t take things out of context.

“Bow Down / I Been On” is no different than the swagger many MC’s take AND IT’S FUN! Most of all, my body wants to move to it.

Keyshia Cole Performs At The 2012 Soul Train Awards

Clicks Around The Web: 10 Rappers You Should Stop Hating & More

links Clicks Around The Web: 10 Rappers You Should Stop Hating & More

10 Rappers You Should Stop Hating – Smoking Section

Porsha Stewarts speaks on whether husband is controlling or not – Concrete Loop

Yes, You Care: Katy Perry and John Mayer broke up again – Dlisted

R. Kelly loses home to foreclosure – Rhymes With Snitch

Spotted: Rita Ora In Tokyo This Week

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When Free Wifi Goes Wrong: Keyshia Cole Trashes Beyonce’s “Bow Down”

keyshia beyonce When Free Wifi Goes Wrong: Keyshia Cole Trashes Beyonces Bow Down

We don’t think this is what Maya Angelou envisioned when she penned “Still I Rise.” She also never counted on Key Lo Lo ever making her way off Black Planet.

Just when we finally gave Keyshia Cole her well deserved props for motivating our cousins to enroll in Dudley’s Beauty College in order to beat whatever heat would be generated from them doing sew-ins inside their kitchenettes this summer, she committed a cardinal wig crypt sin —  she shared a negative critique about Creolepatra Jones.

C+D can’t save you in the real world.

After hearing Beyonce’s brand spankin’ new buzz track “Bow Down”, Keyshia saw it her duty as a tax dodging citizen to tell the people how she really feels about the song’s greater than thou undertone.

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A Step-By-Step Guide To Answering Questions About Keyshia Cole By Kelly Rowland

Kelly Rowland offered the following nice nasty comment when Rolling Stone asked for her thoughts on Keyshia Cole shitting on Michelle Williams‘ halftime performance at Super Bowl XLVII via Twitter:

“It didn’t even make it on my radar until other people brought it up. It didn’t even matter. We had a wonderful performance, and that’s all I cared about. I was with my sisters and the three of us matter to each other, and that’s all that counts. We matter to a lot more people, with all due respect, than her. So, I really don’t care what she said.”

keyshia sad A Step By Step Guide To Answering Questions About Keyshia Cole By Kelly Rowland

This is legendary House Mother Fresh reminding you that a quick read never requires a bookmark. Check out the entire Q&A over at Rolling Stone. Over and out.