Scheduled to begin taping in December, one man janitorial service DMX and his estranged wife Tashera Simmons have agreed to appear on upcoming VH1 reality show ‘Relationship Rehab’ in the hopes of getting their failed marriage back on track, TMZ reports. And just so you know, comparing their marriage to a bowl of Kibbles N’ Bits being kicked over during a drug raid at The Carter wouldn’t be very Christian like. God doesn’t like ugly.

The Simmons separated in July 2010 after 20 years and four kids together . . . yet they are still best friends, insists the source – and that’s why they want to give it another shot. We’re told DMX feels Tashera is “one of the only people [he] truly ever loved and has been down with him through thick and thin.”

The thin? DMX cheated on his wife left and right – and even fathered six children during his extra-marital conquests.

Its not uncommon for most people to leave shitty tips while dining out but after a trip to a nearby strip club DMX paid for his weight in gold at a Greenville, South Carolina Waffle House while waiting on his order.

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Get Jet Li on the phone so Hollywood can get that Cradle 2 the Grave prequel popping. Committed to restoring order in his personal life DMX has finally won the war against drugs (specifically cocaine) — or at least that what he tells TMZ.

Dark Man X explains: “Everyone was taking advantage of me with my finances, trying to put me in the direction to fail. I have 10 kids. I have to drive them in the right direction, so I let the cocaine go.”

“I am on a spiritual road to do right in my life. I am leaving out all negativity and going to stay on the right road to positive,” he continued.

X’s pastor co-signs his new sobriety, adding “When [DMX] first came to my church he looked broken, sad, and full of struggle. Now you see a dramatic change. You see that the drugs and alcohol aren’t in his life.”

Have you heard the good gospel? Heavy prescription medication isn’t the only thing DMX is currently on. Fans of Dark Man X can now serve as in-house probation officers for the troubled rapper by stalking his every move on Twitter at his pig latin-eque name, @DizarkMizanIzex. Below are excerpts from his love letter to my heart disguised as his first major post-jail interview with XXL magazine.

Now that you’re out, what’s your current state of mind?

Focus, focus. The first time out the gate, what I got was given to me and I felt like it was owed to me. Now I want it, so I take it.

Who’s waiting at home for you?

Home is in New York. I have two kids out here by two different chicks . . . I have six baby mothers and 10 kids.

You’ve been through this ordeal before, of going to jail. And your ex-wife Tashera Simmons was always by your side, holding you down. Was it hard this time around?

Nah. We broke up, like, seven years ago. There were a few months when I had nobody by my side.

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The same tired expression you just gave your screen after reading the title of this post was my same reaction after listening to DMX’s wife Tashera Simmons try to justify her husband’s latest judicial mishap in Arizona on Streets Disciples Radio last month.

Mumrah and Tiny are a different breed, literally.

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DMX and drugs. The two just can’t seem to see eye to eye.  The troubled rapper was arrested on Tuesday in Arizona for five counts of violating his probation on drug charges.

“He admitted to using cocaine, so he’s back in our jail,” said Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. “I think it’s about time to give him hard time.” The get-tough sheriff said if the rapper is serious about kicking his drug habit, the Arizona jail system — where X has already logged time on animal cruelty and drug possession charges — could help him get clean

During his court appearance he did what any of you other self respecting cousins would do and showed the fuck out. This should be a Tyler Perry movie.

TMZ has learned the oft-incarcerated rapper, real name Earl Simmons, agreed to perform at the Morning Star Sanctified Church for a fundraiser this Saturday — and he’s doing it for free.

According to Pastor Barbara King, DMX and his family have been members of the congregation for eight months now and he really wanted to help raise money for repairs.

We’re told the school holding the event is amping up security because they’re unsure of what kind of crowd the convicted felon will draw. Tickets are going from $35-$40 a pop. [source]

Fresh: Why go to see DMX in concert when you can rent ‘This Is It’ from a Redbox for a $1 a day?

Justin: Or watch old James Brown concerts on VH1 Classic?

Now that Tashera is out of his life DMX doesn’t have to waste his dollars on buying Feed The Children trucks filled with cans of Puppy Chow and chew toys but his new bitch is probably stressing him out about the latest designer goods.  The things people put former crackheads through to make a quick buck. Don’t tell Frankie about this please. [source]

My friend in the head, DMX [don’t judge] was spotted recently at nightclub looking like the mangy dog on the side of the road that hasn’t been fed in days. Sweating, popping, locking, and dropping in VIP with an unknown broad, he turned the crowd on and gave the kids canine fever with a short performance set.

I’m actually jealous cause he seems to have it all: kids, a home, a beautiful brown skin Great Dane named Tasheera [owww!] and a plethora of nut-bucket hoes at his beck and call. It seems that the pitbulls [I’m looking at you Teyana Taylor] are having a fabulous week.