The Love Guru: Chris Brown Offers Advice On Women

chris brown1 The Love Guru: Chris Brown Offers Advice On Women

He sings. He dances. He acts. He creates toys. He chomps through wood with ease of a power saw. And now, he offers love advice.

While partying at the Emerson Theatre in Hollywood last week, Chris Brown took to the mic to share an easy to remember gentlemen’s guide that every man must follow in order to keep their woman from straying. No need to grab the highlighter marker from your mom’s Bible tote bag. This one is going to stick to you with no problems.

If you “aren’t an insecure nigga and you let her have fun with her friends” Breezy applauds you. However, its still necessary that you tell your girl one thing.

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Chris Brown Has A Dramatic Cunt Meltdown Over $10 Valet Fee

chris Chris Brown Has A Dramatic Cunt Meltdown Over $10 Valet Fee

In new video obtained by TMZ, Chris Brown blacks out on a valet in front of a Studio City, CA bowling alley over a ‘funky ass $10′.

The valet asked Rapid Beaver to pay the fee before handing him the keys to his car, but Chris refused to cough up any cash because he was only at the charity event for a short time. Breezy then threatened the valet, saying “Gimme my keys, we gonna turn this whole spot up.” Riverside, muthafucka.

What the clip doesn’t show is the poor valet guy screaming back “Caleb I’m sorry!” while clutching an Egyptian bed sheet over his bare breasts.

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Chris Brown Opens Up About Reconciliation With Rihanna

chris elton Chris Brown Opens Up About Reconciliation With Rihanna

Chris Brown displayed the same lovable characteristics of a wooden basket full of Golden Retriever puppies at Elton John’s annual Oscar viewing party on Sunday. Brace yourself, an explosion of glitter and pastel colored balloons should occur at any second now through the screen of your electronic weapon of choice.

In other CB related news, he has opened up about his reunion with Rihanna, calling his 2009 assault the “deepest regret” of his life.

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“Sometimes you fight with the one you love and things get said, stuff spirals. That night was the deepest regret of my life, the biggest mistake,” Breezy, who is still on probation for the attack, told Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper.

“But she loves me – what can I say? I’m forgiven but, yes, I worked hard for it.”

Brown also waved off Seth McFarlane’s cringe-worthy joke in which he compared the brutal undertone of ‘Django Unchained’ to an evening out on the town with his life-size Cynthia Doll.

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So, Next Week’s Episode Of ‘Law & Order SVU’ Is Obviously Inspired By Rihanna And Chris Brown. Happy Late Birthday, Rih Rih!

banged up So, Next Weeks Episode Of Law & Order SVU Is Obviously Inspired By Rihanna And Chris Brown. Happy Late Birthday, Rih Rih!

Next week’s episode of ‘Law & Order: Special Victim Unit’ is being billed as “a familiar story of two celebrities intertwined by abuse.” Oh, you don’t say?

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Chris Brown Couldn’t Be Bothered With Participating In The Standing Ovation For Frank Ocean

Last night, the majority of the A-list audience gave Frank Ocean a rousing standing ovation as he walked to the stage to accept his award for Best Urban Contemporary Album at The 55th Annual Grammy Awards  – except for Chris Brown.

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Yes, You Care: Frank Ocean Won’t Press Charges Against Chris Brown, Says He’ll “Choose Sanity”

frank Yes, You Care: Frank Ocean Wont Press Charges Against Chris Brown, Says Hell Choose Sanity

At last, the streets of ‪Ladera Heights‬ are civil once again.

Officials with the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department said today that they plan to close the misdemeanor battery case against Chris Brown.

The decision comes after Frank Ocean revealed that he’ll “choose sanity” and will not press charges against Yellow Cake in connection with a windmill fight the two entertainers had in a parking lot last week. Remind me to use that one the next time I file a police report of my own.

“No criminal charges. No civil lawsuit,” Ocean wrote on his Tumblr. “But as a man I am not a killer. I’m an artist and a modern person. I’ll choose sanity. No criminal charges. No civil lawsuit. Forgiveness, albeit trite, is wisdom.”

According to producer Michael Uzowuru’s account, Rabid Beaver tried to “beat the living shit out of” Ocean when he arrived at the studio with Frank and a third man named Chito, and the space clearly reserved for Ocean at Westlake Studios was taken.

Uzowuru says the front desk informed the trio that the orange Lambo belonged to CB,  and 10 minutes later the magical creature emerged with a “big dude” and a “skinnier dude” — and when Frank told Chris, “You parked in my spot, move” that’s when Summer’s Eve skeeted everywhere.

Where is A-Wax from ‘Menace II Society’ when you need him to talk sense into two squabbling ass negros?

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