Nick Cannon isn’t the only one scheming on ways to run up on Chelsea Handler at the checkout line Target. (Mr. Mariah didn’t take too kindly to the comments Handler made about his wife’s battle of the bulge.)

With the instrumental to T.I.’s “U Don’t Know Me” playing inside her head Joan Rivers ripped into 50 Cent’s former cum catcher Tuesday morning on Howard Stern’s Sirius XM show in response to the light shade she served only a day prior while chatting it up with syndicated shock jock.

“One, the girl made it on her back fucking the president, we all know that, of the network. Number two, she’s fine, she’s ordinary. She’s not a genius,” said Joan.

“She’s an ordinary girl that was fucking somebody high up in the industry and they gave her a break and she’s doing okay,” Joan told Howard referring to Chelsea’s past relationship with E! President Ted Harbert.

“Whatever she is, she’s a drunk. I don’t wish her good luck, I don’t wish her bad luck,” Joan said.“I don’t think she’s particularly funny. But don’t you come after me, you whore!”

She then dropped her cup of morning joe to the floor, peeled off her shirt and asked, “Now who else wanna fuck with Hollywood Courts?” Watch the video below.

Omarion and Bow Wow would never let scrotum come in between their friendship but they are obviously the exception. Besties!

Sister 2 Sister –“So you’re telling me that this girl wants to get back together with you, but she’s upset that you’re dating me?” Chelsea said to Howard, recounting her conversation with 50.

Coincidentally, the G-Unit founder decided to give Chelsea this information right before Ciara was set to make an appearance on her show. He wanted to make a 3-way call to prove to Chelsea how things were. Chelsea fired back stating, “Curtis (she called him by his first name), honestly, this is eighth grade…” At the end of the phone call, Chelsea said some words to 50 Cent that were very offensive and then she hung up on him.

So, how was the sex you’re wondering?

“The sex was okay. It was just normal, it was fine. It wasn’t mind blowing.” She continued: “I’ve had much better sex with other people, but it was good.”

Check out a clip of Chelsea dishing about her relationship with Curis below.

Put on your red dress, slip on your high heels and shave your hairline so your lace front is perched properly for the kids.

An all-star diva line-up comprised of Mary J. Blige, Kelly Clarkson, Florence + The Machine, Jennifer Hudson, Jessie J. and Jill Scott paid tribute to the great cities of soul music (Chicago, Detroit, London, Memphis and Philadelphia) on Sunday night at VH1 Divas Celebrates Soul event!

In addition to the head divas in charged, performances of the evening also included Chaka Khan, Erykah Badu, Boyz II Men, Estelle, Marsha Ambrosius, Travie McCoy, Mavis Staples, Martha Reeves and Ledisi.

Welch, Wanda Jackson and Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings also paid tribute to the late Amy Winehouse at the special, which airs tonight.

LAUNCH RED CARPET GALLERY

In recent weeks 50 Cent has been photographed sporting an afro only a Baptist preacher and his deacon board could appreciate but now it all makes sense. While his cornrows have zero hang time like a young Trey Songz in his prime you’ve got to applaud the talented braider responsible for gripping his pubic hair length locks between their fingers. I say “their” because I don’t know the sex of his hairstylist . . . and this has Fleece Johnson’s name written all over it.

Curtis visited the Today Show this morning looking ready to give the district attorney his testimony to promote his new book, Playground. Check out video of his appearance at Rap Radar.

The bad blood between 50 Cent and his son’s mother Shaniqua Thompkins still run deeps. Putting the all too important speaker option on his Blackberry to use while making his radio rounds, Curtis blasted his baby mama for her role in irresponsible parenting after asking for 20 pairs of sneakers (a more modest amount compared to the initial 50 pairs in her eyes) for son Marquise’s upcoming school year.

Yep, that’s shade. The sudden desire to reinvent oneself with a new hairstyle isn’t relegated only to individuals born with fallopian tubes. Just ask Elgin Charles. Inspired by Yung Berg’s wet n’ wavy pool comments 50 Cent hit the red carpet at the Aruba Film Festival for the premiere of Things Fall Apart with a shiny new mane, face and neck.

I don’t know what appropriate words to use to say that I don’t like the “less masculine” look on 50. He looks like Chili’s baby-hair stylist. Keepin’ track of all the gel & toothbrushes. — Meir

As a S-Curl historian I will say this looks like a classic example of Bill Bellamy/Ja Rule hybrid. From far away it looks slick and greasy but once you get up close it looks like a sea sponge soaked in armor all. — Andrew

Is he in a Guy tribute band? Oh, he got a new endorsement deal with S-Curl, didn’t he?! — Rikki

Aleatha for the win. Instant knock out. He does rather resemble a chimpanzee who has climbed out oil slicked waters. Damn you pollution! — Mike

He is giving me 1984 Rockwell “Somebody’s Watching Me” game proper! — Tamika

I was like damn Billy Ocean unlocked his dreads and dyed his hair. — Shalin

The spiked pieces up top are destroying my soul. — Larissa

GOD SON SOUNDS OFF ON HIP-HOP HATERS

“The people who feel like Common shouldn’t be performing are really old in their thinking. It’s like your grandparents have a microphone, and not even smart grandparents — just ignorant grandparents.”

“Things change. So, a smart grandparent is gonna say, ‘OK, I get it.’ Ignorant grandparents who are just stuck in their own ways, they just need to die. There’s a new America: There’s a real good America that’s here, and they don’t want it to happen because it means that they are gone. It scares the hell out of them. They feel like an endangered species in their way of thinking. People that are not open to change are just miserable.” (source)

SHANELL BREAKS DOWN HER ROLE IN YOUNG MONEY

“Wayne’s reason for choosing each and every one of us, [in] Young Money, is that we are talented in our own way and we do know how to create our own music and create our own world. It’s the only place that I’ve seen where you can actually do that. I think what I am for Young Money is that tool to sort of go outside of the norm. That’s my challenge and my responsibility is to be able to go outside of what Young Money is comfortable with, bring in a new audience and bring in new people to work with.” (source)

RIHANNA RESPONDS TO A FAN AFTER FOLLOWING CHRIS BROWN ON TWITTER

“It’s fucking Twitter, not the altar! Calm down!” (source)

CHELSEA HANDLER ADMITS TO PAST ROMANCE WITH 50 CENT, SORTA

“We dated, very casually . . . He’s a very sweet, nice guy . . . I was just sampling — kind of — the atmosphere and seeing what was out there. And I’m satiated.” (source)

SARAH PALIN LIKES RAP, YA’LL.

“I am obviously a proponent of free speech. I’m not anti-rap. In fact, like Bret Baier, I know the lyrics to ‘Rapper’s Delight. But I am saying just common decency in the White House — wouldn’t we like to see a reflection of all that is wonderful and great, a shining city on a hill that the White House is supposed to be, with events inside of that house that reflect the patriotism and the decency and the influence of America.”

50 Cent was able to reduce his 214 pounds frame down to a gaunt 160 pounds for a movie role by going on an all liquid diet and taking daily three-hour-a-day walks on a treadmill for nine weeks. In his upcoming film Things Fall Apart the G-Unit general will portray a football player stricken with cancer.

The disconnect I feel from his rap persona by just looking at these pictures is crazy. I’m looking forward to watching his performance when the film drops to see if that same feeling is translated on screen. Check out more flicks over at the Rap Radar mansion.

Speak Lord, speak to me. I had the same expression written across my face last night while watching the Soul Train Awards.

Curtis wasn’t the least bit interested in finding a woman to have his million dollar baby with at the VIP Room in Paris, France over the weekend but his icy disposition melted away while sharing center stage with DJ Whoo Kid and Tony Yayo. Bromance does the trick every time.

WHAT?!

CHEW. THIS. ASS. AND. DON’T. YOU. GAG.

Hope you have some Germ-X and a face mask on hand because you are about to be exposed to all types of fucking influenza. The world premiere of Bejesus x Lady GaGa’s “Video Phone” video may have been delayed until a later date but that doesn’t mean we all have to go to bed tonight without experiencing some type of fever. Sweet Minty Jesus may not come when you want him but he’ll be there right on time.

Curtis continued to make unworthy butch queens around the globe jealous today at the New York City launch for his powerful punani perfume. Finally, a new scent to spray on my tanqueray areas after taking a hoe bath in the bathroom sink. I have had stock in Amber Romance and Love Spell since I was a sophomore in high school, so this is a welcome change.

But I digress.

Bitch could call home cattle with his eyes if he needed to. iLive! When I smize, you smize, we smize, together.