After months of sending Mashonda straight to voicemail, Alicia Keys and Swizz Beats made their first public red carpet appearance together at Gotham Magazine’s Annual Gala in New York City on Monday night. Walking hand in hand, the Louboutin-decked couple were extra smiley for the shutterbugs before heading inside.
And they lived happily ever after. End scene.
That is until the former Mrs. Swizzy’s lands her very own forum for shade throwing – - a VH1 reality sitcom about “starting over.” Cue the dramatics!
Judging from the way she pronounced “YouTube” it was easy to peg her as a resident of Baltimore Baldamo, Murrland. Or as she and other choice locals like to call it, Bodymore, Murderland. With a nickname like that it’s no wonder the town also branded as Charm City is such a tourist haven.
Let me quit clowning before I get a bunch of hollow points left in my comment section. Some of my favorite people on Earth are from Baltimore. This girl, however, isn’t one of them.
To be fair, she’s not a bad rapper at all. She has some issues with breath control but given the size of her stomach I can understand why. That’s either a baby in her belly or a 20 piece nugget at McDonalds.
If it’s the latter, I can’t blame her: A deal is a deal. Had a friend not told me one late night on a post-club excursion to Mickey D’s, “Michael do you really want to eat that?” I might have fallen victim myself. Still, let’s not make reference to calories in our rhymes. Less is more. Figuratively and literally, baby.
Nevertheless rapper Keys’ eating habits or baby making plans aren’t the problem, her pushing beef for publicity is.
Although I’m fallen under Nicki Minaj’s spell I can see why some people still don’t like her. The Barbie thing is a stretch for someone to push at her age, but evidently it’s working. Working so well Keys took the time to film a video in front of the projects to diss the hell out of her.
Maybe it’s because I’ve already contemplated legally changing my name to Mickey Minaj for at least six months for the hell of it, but I don’t think this girl’s diss is all that impressive.
Yes, she can spit but she’s essentially calling Nicki Minaj childish and saying she’s too old for toys yet she’s ranting about busting guns and robbing folks.
Is the recession killing your pockets and libido? Don’t fret, homemade-sex-toys.com has got you covered, strapped and gagged with plenty of price friendly DIY projects. If David Carradine would have just bookmarked this site he might still be here.
Blame Big Lil’ Kim for this. How did you find out about this site anyway?
When James Brown passed away in 2006 it took about four score and seven years for him to be laid to rest. No, seriously. We had a countdown clock and everything up. You ain’t gotta believe me, go ask my mama nem.
So when rumors that him illegitimate daughter LaRhonda Pettit reportedly said his body was jacked on the eve of an autopsy last week it was a cold day on the night train.
Charlie Reid, of the of the C.A. Reid Funeral Home in Augusta, Georgia, said that the Brown’s body is still entombed at a mausoleum at the home of one of his daughters in South Carolina. “There’s no truth to that,” Reid told the Augusta Chronicle. “It would have had to have gone through us. We would have been contacted if that happened.”
Reid continued to explain that moving Brown’s body “would be a criminal offense,” and “if this was the case, she would need to talk to police.” [continue]
LaRhonda has long been suspicious that the listed cause of Brown’s death, pneumonia, is wrong and said that the body was stolen so that an autopsy to prove the cause of death couldn’t be performed but Brown’s other daughters say that the body is at the crypt in South Carolina.
Go fucking figure. For all we know JB is still in a broom closet somewhere in Macon, Georgia leaning on boxes of Mean Green. Where is Tomie Rae to make sense of this?!
Sporting my latest obsession [ass naked ankles] Miss J. Alexander traveled north of the border to host a celebrity walk-off and signed copies of his new book ‘Follow the Model: Miss J’s Guide to Unleashing Presence, Poise and Power’ for your Canadian kinfolk on Friday. You put zest in my tang! No you put tang in my zest!
Rosie O’ Donnell’s lesbun cruise just can’t come fast enough for some people.
Queen Latifah, photographed above with one of Eddie Levert’s outside children [put on your conspiracy hats because I already have], was spotted downing tequila shots with friends in Miami over the weekend. Missing from the fun was longtime rumored girlfriend/trainer Jeanette Jenkins.
And like a flash of Aretha’s titty meat, things are back to normal. I was at the mercy of Mama Fresh and her Bridezilla antics for the past three days [I don't want to talk about it, just hold me], leaving little time for fuckery and all the time available for slavery. Any free seconds I could grab for myself was dedicated to Cafe World on Facebook. Don’t judge me.
The thing I enjoy most about taking breaks from the Internets is that I almost always come back with a brand new appreciation for mess. I’m taking it all in right now.
Fresh,
I didn’t know if you’d seen this mess or not, but it hurt my soul when I saw it. First the Fat Boys break up, and now this.
