Word to Halle Berry’s character in BAP’s, good things come in three’s!

This is what happens when you don’t keep your eye on the prize! First Lady Diamond, Brandy and Queen Pen all flashed their gangsta phalanges at the Scorpios Do It Better celebration on Thursday night. [Insert sad Lil' Mama face] No diggity, no doubt.

I was just enjoying some of First Lady Diamond’s stellar work last night. Here’s a sneak peak at how her divorce proceedings to Island Dick are going to go down:

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Yeah yeah, I’m mad late posting this shit but so what. I tried to avoid this mess but the Knowles have a way with people’s souls.

Break out your glow sticks because its time to get funky. Can you taste the hint of sarcasm peppered in my writing tone? Hopefully so.

The video for Solange’s third single titled “T.O.N.Y.” will leave you scratching your head and ass [or at least that was my experience] long after it has gone off. Our little Sol-AngeL struts down the city streets in dramatic cunt fashion all the way home where she later takes a pregnancy test and tah dah! Fertile Myrtle is knocked up. Full of raw emotions, she sends the results to her baby’s fav-vah who is equally devastated.

The fuck?

I want to like Christina Milian because she is just so irresistibly cute but enough is enough. Someone please explain to me how she is relevant. I acknowledge her deal with MySpace Records and her little new single, I will even give her a gold star for that, but the question still remains. There is only room for one random R&B chick on Wireimage and Ashanti is holding that shit down just fine.

You can’t tell me this chick doesn’t have the paparazzi on speed dial when she steps out of her house. Just peep the caption description: ‘Christina Milian arrives at a medical building wearing a black leather jacket and flat cap.’

I mean really. Let’s all synchronize our watches and countdown until she hires Jonathan Jaxson to give her image a ‘boost.’

Christina recently filled in for love muffin B. Scott and let me just say that there ain’t nothing like the real thing. I can’t but you probably will.

Vocalist extraordinaire Ashanti performed at Route 66 Casino’s Legends Theater [LOL] in Albuquerque, New Mexico on Friday for a good damn cause. She has to round up as many coins as she can to pay for Shi Shi’s tuition at culinary school. The poor girl has not got it through her skull yet that she is enrolled to learn how to prepare food, not eat it.

I kid, I kid! We all know there is no reasonable explanation for Ashanti appearances in the post 9/11 world.  Coming soon to a Wild Adventures theme park near you!

Melyssa Ford and Jon B killed a bird with one big ass stone by having a birthday / album release party earlier this week. You see, times really are hard. Random negras from the CW [collect em all!] were in the building attempting to get the only type of exposure Wireimage.com can provide.

I wonder if the no neck member of Dru Hill is available to perform at my Mama’s birthday party later this month. I’m not trying to map his schedule out but I would imagine he really ain’t got shit else to do. Just an educated guess.

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I never understand why some people just don’t fade to black and stay the fuck there. Le sigh.

Former B2K member Lil’ Fizz sat down with one of your cousins from your mama’s side to
tell some wack ass story about running into Omarion and being “down” with the Bloods and Crips.
He also goes in on Raz-B by calling him “gay ass nigga.”

This shit is almost as sad as running into the star quarterback from high school pushing shopping carts in Wal-Mart’s parking lot with his varsity jacket on - - seven years after graduation.

Are peace signs are the secret official hand gesture for irrelevancy?

First we had Blackberry Molasses come by and sweep the floor with his pussy now Cheri Dennis and Yung Wyndex make a cameo at a fashion show. Today has really shaped up to be pretty fucking awesome, right?

Cheri escaped Diddy’s tooth pick crypt long enough to make an appearance at the Southpole Stay In School Fashion Show in New York City. Let the record show that no one over the age of 18 years old should ever be caught rocking that shit. Email me for more rules and guidelines.

But I digress.

Cheri still has that cherry kool-aid hued hair and mean mustache. I’m mad her top lip has more hair than all the members of Team Wackout.

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Black Fran Drescher and Keyshia Cole were suppose to celebrate their birthdays together at Arena in West Hollywood last night until it finally dawned on KeyLoLo that Ashanti was irrelevant as fuck and she decided not to show up.

Or at least that’s how things played out in my mind. Knowing Keyshia she probably hit the scene two hours late with her entourage [read: Frankie, Neffie, and "her sister"] only to discover lil’ sister Shi Shi sneaking trays of food back to her ride. Better luck next time.