Crunk Candids: Ciara In New York City

Posted on August 5, 2009

ciara fan Crunk Candids: Ciara In New York City

After participating in The 2nd Annual Staples / Do Something 101 National School Supply Drive hours earlier Uncle Ciara slicked down her wig as best as she could and hit a private party hosted by Willona Woods in New York City on Tuesday night. Yes, for the low price as dinner for two at Applebee’s you too can look Wanda Sykes in the late 90s.

I’m not certain that the young zestlemen in the back approves of her new knee cap wig or not but his delicately placed hand is sending shock waves through my soul. Justin Suarez game proper.

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Come And Get Your Cousins Out The Studio Please: Ron Artest’s MJ Tribute Song

Posted on July 29, 2009

Most NBA fans know that Ron Artest isn’t the brightest bulb in the tanning bed* so his soul stirring tribute song to Michael Jackson is just what one would expect for him to cook up in the studio. It still doesn’t stop the shit from being all types of wrong though.

Yo, on some real shit, Michael, Michael, Michael, you my nigga. I know a thug would cry for you, my dude. Aint no R&B singer really ever made me cry. Makes me wanna meet you, touch your hand. Ya know?

Now I’m mad, real mad, Joe Jackson. Shame on all of you from holding out on this here king fuckery! Listen, I have been guilty of encouraging the kids who had the same teacher all day long in high school to participate in freestyle battles [Whaddup Drake?] Eli Porter style but that’s all behind me now. This my friend is another act of God entirely and should not be compared. Take a listen for yourself under the hood.

* One free pair of House of Dereon ass pads for the first person to tell me what movie I swiped that from. Hint: Michael, Michael, Michael Cera, you my nigga!

SAD LIL’ MAMA FACE RATING [OUT OF 5]

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Aww, There There Pound Puppy

Posted on July 29, 2009

I wholeheartedly agree that tears have therapeutic properties. I cleanse my soul each time the commercial for The Frankie & Neffe Show is aired. But using crying as a way to make their whoring for propaganda more effective?

SHAM. FUCKING. WOW.

Earlier this week Pound Puppy was recorded j-setting and shit with members of the Goof Troupe [© Kyle Washington], so the above video caught me a little off guard. Man that shit up, Bruh! I’m so sick and filthy [creole speak] of tweetbrities, really I am. However, if Norwood Young is on that joint please leave his user name in the comments for me.

Great Value Keri Hilson Game Proper

Posted on July 19, 2009

ciara cut Great Value Keri Hilson Game Proper

Weekend posts don’t get more exciting than this! While you were knee deep in hoe shit in a bathroom stall at the club on Friday night [with your George Michael ass] Uncle Ciara was busy trying out a new wig style. An idle mind is truly the devil’s playground but Willona Woods would be proud.

This isn’t the first time we have seen her in a short cropped wig. She rocked a similar style during the dramatic cunt fallout portion in the video for “Promise.”

Uncle CiCi needs to leave the makeover for publicity shit to her friend Kim Kardashian and see what she can do about those free KFC coupons! Her name has become synonymous in Crunkland with free chicken. Fuck this lightweight shit. Leave posing for Beverly Johnson wigs to Geisha.

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Jackin’ For Posts: 24 Sexual Things R. Kelly Wants

Posted on July 16, 2009

How dreadful.

A.V. Club’s post about the 24 Sexual Things R. Kelly Wants almost completely deads the notion that he is a musical genius but the his freaky fans will appreciate his tongue word play. Check out my fav quotables from The Pied Piper ‘s new mixtape under the jump.

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And Now, A Filler Post

Posted on July 13, 2009

Blame my inner whore for propaganda but Cassie’s little buzz cut has grown on me slowly . . . like a fungus. I still don’t know why she is here or what purpose she serves outside of being Diddy’s sexual concubine but I will wait until Kim Porter joins Twitter to find the answer.

Cassandra took a leave of absence from the toothpick crypt to host a party in New York City over the weekend. Cheri Dennis and her mustache were left outside in the cold since they both failed to email their names to be added to the guest list. Nobody told them to show up after midnight anyway. Tough tittay!

Quick Flicks: Ashanti + Nelly

Posted on July 13, 2009

nelly ashanti Quick Flicks: Ashanti + Nelly

Ashanti and her man Nelly participated in Taco Bell’s All-Star Legends & Celebrity Softball Game on Sunday because, well, its not like they had shit else to do. From my understanding the couple successfully constructed their new entertainment center from Ashley’s Furniture the day before so they didn’t have much else to get into for the remainder of the weekend.

Besides, Mr. Hit Dat Hoe and his old lady were obviously busy at the car wash, duh.