[CRUNK + DISORDERLY] » Wonk Wonk (What It Do)

Quick Quotes

Posted by Fresh on May 8, 2007

Quick Quotes

Double the pleasure, double the tangled eye! You know you love it.

“I am the Tiger Woods of the screen. He calculates his moves and goes towards the winning stroke. That’s exactly what I did. It was about being strategic and knowing your opponent.”

“Also I played a gang leader on ‘America’s Most Wanted.’ Thanks to our episode they were finally able to apprehend the criminals and finally bring justice. As an actress you must be versatile. Just like the greats like Halle Berry, Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Garner. You have to be versatile to play the role.”

“I am not a gold-digger. But I do believe in abundance and prosperity. I believe in living a lush life with couture and I try to live each day to the fullest.” — Schatar “Hottie” Taylor speaks candidly to BV columnist Jawn Murray

Throwing Shade

Posted by Fresh on April 23, 2007

Throwing Shade

The Last King of Wonkland In Cape Town, South Africa

Whenever Forest Whitaker’s wonky eyes are covered the planets align, squirrels hum “Zippity Doo Da” and pixie dust falls from the sky. Enjoy this magical moment while you can because he will be back to his normal, tangled ways before you know it.

Keyshia Cole & Lorena Cartagena (Fat Joe’s wife) At Mansion In Miami, 4/20

Keyshia a/k/a Assless Chaps wearing a pair of sunglasses inside a nightclub may not be a big deal to you but it is enough to make me pace the floor at night clutching my pearls.

Is she hiding from the flash of the paparazzi’s lightbulbs? Did she accidentally poke one of her pupils while trying to apply eyeliner? Did Youg Jeezy blackout during a session of love making and serve her ass up with a two piece special? What in the I-wear-my-sunglasses-at-night hell is really going on?

Scott Storch & DMX Also At Mansion

I’m not even chartering into this territory on a Monday morning.

Way To Go Ol’ Wonky Eye!

Posted by Fresh on April 17, 2007

Way To Go Ol‘ Wonky Eye!

That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for tangled eye mankind.

Forest Whitaker snagged Oscar, Golden Globe and Screen Actors Guild trophies this year for his role as Ugandan dictator Idi Amin in The Last King of Scotland. On Monday he cemented his winning streak with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Guests included Kiefer Sutherland, Angela Bassett and Whitaker’s wife, Keisha, and three daughters, Autumn, Sonnet and True.

The ceremony came the same week as the DVD release of The Last King of Scotland.

Not to take away from his day but they have been giving stars away like free crab rangoon samples in the mall’s food court. I’m receiving one next month.

The Eyes Have It

Posted by Fresh on March 22, 2007

The Eyes Have It

Eve At Self Magazine Hollywood’s Tightest Bodies Party
Like other countless women across the globe, Eve has perfected the art of showing raw emotion with her eyes. Ole! You can send over a gift basket to the judging panel of America’s Next Top Model later.

The eyes are the windows to the soul but if you ask me they are becoming more like sliding patio doors. And I’m totally fine with that. The Last King of Wonkland brought tangled eyes back to the forefront earlier this year to the dismay of some celebs who were trying to disguise it. You can’t stop the sun from shining, just deal with it. If your eyes are cocked like a pistol stand up and be counted tonight!

Just be prepared to get laughed out the room.

Glamour Magazine Honors The 2006 Women of The Year

Posted by Fresh on October 31, 2006

Glamour Magazine Honors The 2006 Women of The Year

Bless Rosario’s wonky eyed heart. She looks like has been ~~slapped~~ touched by a special ed angel. Meanwhile, Catherine Zeta Jones is laying on the Queen’s chesticles like they are a twin pair of Serta mattresses. I’m telling Michael Douglas!