Brazen Beauties: Nona Jackson

Posted on July 2, 2009

The baddest bitch is back, she’s reloaded, and she’s killing you hoes all while looking thicker than some 3 day old cold grits. She’s also getting to the money. Well, at least trying to.

Nona Paris Lola Ankhesenamun Jackson, who has previously claimed to not only to be married married to but also given birth to upwards of 15 children fathered by Michael Jackson, filed a motion to be put in control of the King of Pop’s estate.

In a 93-page document filed Wednesday afternoon, Nona requested “that all my husband’s properties, monies and assets must be transferred to me immediately.” She also made the bizarre demand that “my husband’s body must be returned to the coroner’s body or the mortuary immediately.”

Well cot damn, there must be two sides! I doubt if MJ ever meet this real life wanna-be Billie Jean yet alone had the pleasure of piping her down but a check is a check. How else is she going to afford that much needed appointment with Celebrity Seaborn?

Continue reading →

Open Air: High Fashion

Posted on June 22, 2009

Titty Boi and Dolla Boy [collectivly known as Playaz Circle] were two of the more fashionable acts to perform at Birthday Bash this past weekend. And yes, that’s a fork dangling on Dolla’s chest. Tell mama the first thing that comes to your mind.

Crunkland Submitted Fuckery: The Boyfriend Song

Posted on June 18, 2009

Hey Fresh, love your site!! I’m a very loyal visitor, my cousin and I chat about your site like we watching old re-runs of the Good Times. Anyway I thought the female Crunksters would love to check out this video. Being a very practical girl, I can totally relate to this video and only needing a man with a great healthcare plan. Forget what you heard about a man being able to pull up to the valet driving a Maybach or giving Louis’ or Gucci handbags just because. What I really want to know is–does your health care plan cover DENTAL AND VISION CARE?!?!

Oh and how can I become a dependent?

- – Clairvoyance

Twitpic Time With Tiny & Toya

Posted on June 18, 2009

Never mind the random ass sandals on the sofa and throw back computer monitor. You worry bout the wrong things, the wrong things. [© Kanye Omari]

As I said earlier, Tiny and Toya are women of distinction and cannot be bothered with low budget bitches. These two elegant princess are hard at work promoting their upcoming EBT reality series. We all know that Tiny deserves to bask in the spotlight [she was in Xscape, she deserves top billing] but I am having my doubts about this Toya chick. She was once married to a gremlin at one point in time, that’s cool, but the relationship only spawned one child. That isn’t fucking with the Cottle-Harris litter whatsoever!

Check out the trailer for the upcoming fuckery fest at The House of ATLIEN.

I’m Just Saying . . .

Posted on June 4, 2009

I am all for getting to the money but I don’t know how I feel about changing somebody’s colostomy bag in exchange for a Gucci bag. I doubt that is the issue with Cousin Nay Nay though. Never mind the fact that she desperately needs one Celebrity Seaborn’s weave closures, she spent a afternoon with billionaire boyfriend Vladislav Doronin and a bunch of wealthy pepaws in Vienna earlier this week. Fuck Sugardaddy.com!

Something tells me her ass can quickly scan over you and know exactly how much your net worth is in under 20 seconds. Do you see how hard she is looking at that Gorton’s fisherman? A bitch can’t book modeling gigs forever but selling ass to the right man can get you set for a lifetime. I’m not mad at her, I would be doing the Ricky Bobby all on somebody’s pepaw to pay my car note if presented with the opportunity.

Respect Her Hustle!

Posted on May 27, 2009

Deja vu like a muthafucka.

Remember Frankie’s get high partner from a couple of weeks back who ambushed Katharine McPhee while she was out whoring for propaganda? She’s back on her grind like she left something. [Insert your own joke about her Red Alert-like teeth here]

You can now add actor Wood Harris to the list of famous faces she has hit up for her cheeseburger money. Gator would no doubt be proud.

But the fun doesn’t stop there! She also spotted Cedric The Entertainer leaving a spa and proceeded to hit his ass up as well.

Crackie needs to stop bullshitting and try to get a government job. She can sniff a mofo with more than $5 in their pockets out like a bloodhound. It doesn’t hurt that she looks like one too. I will volunteer my piss to help her better her situation any day. I stay giving back to the Black community, get like me.

Continue reading →

Cheddar Always Makes It Better

Posted on May 27, 2009

Tomi Rae finally got to the money. Over his dead body.

More than two years into a battle over how to parcel out James Brown’s wealth, a South Carolina judge okayed a settlement Tuesday that gives nearly half his assets to a charitable trust, a quarter to his widow and young son, and the rest to Brown’s adult children.

Continue reading →