A former social worker who quit his job to hustle Tupperware full-time Robert Suchan sold $250,000 worth of products last year, making him the top seller in North America. How did he do it? Decked out in drag of course!

Standing at 6′5″ in heels and wearing a bouffant wig, Aunt Barbara is a Nicki Minaj video mashed up with an episode of the Real Housewives of Long Island come to life. “The phone rings every day,” said Babs. “The emails don’t stop.”

“I tell them: ‘I live alone. I get fearful of home invasions,’” Suchan said. “If someone is there, I’ll reach for my cheese grater and say, ‘I’ll grate your freaking face off. Then I’ll call 911 and say there’s a man with a bloody face outside and I collected most of his DNA.’”

Collect the coins by any means necessary, gworl.

That’s racks on racks on racks on racks on racks on racks on racks on racks :

A Michigan man who won $2 million in a state lottery game continues to collect food stamps 11 months after striking it rich. And there’s nothing the state can do about it, at least for now.

Leroy Fick, 59, of Auburn won $2 million in the state lottery TV show “Make Me Rich!” last June. But the state’s Department of Human Services determined he was still eligible for food stamps, Fick’s attorney, John Wilson of Midland, said Tuesday.

Eligibility for food stamps is based on gross income and follows federal guidelines; lottery winnings are considered liquid assets and don’t count as income. As long as Fick’s gross income stays below the eligibility requirement for food stamps, he can receive them, even if he has a million dollars in the bank.

Food stamps are paid for through tax dollars and are meant to help support low-income families.

“If you’re going to try to make me feel bad, you’re not going to do it,” Fick told WNEM-TV in Saginaw on Monday.

Wilson said Fick told the DHS officials he’d won $2 million but was told he could keep using the Bridge Card issued to him to buy groceries.

Fick could not be reached for comment Tuesday.

Al Kimichik, director of the office of inspector general for DHS, said the department could not comment on individual cases but that it this week began the process of requesting a waiver from the federal government to close the lottery loophole. If it is granted, assets would be counted in determining food stamp eligibility. (source)

When a friend came up to me earlier this week reciting lines from Aretha’s new Snickers commercial I did what any other good creole would do by smiling and nodding until they were done speaking. Now I get it. And I can breathe again.

While The Flavor of Valtrex alumni work as bathroom attendants at Black Sweaty Thursdays just to have enough weekly gas money to get to work at Quik Chik, the guidos and guidettes of the Jersey Shore are fist pumping their way all the way to the bank by making club appearances throughout the country.

The Lil’ Kim of Poughkeepsie was paid $10,000 to host a Fist Pumping Competition at Florida’s Seminole Hard Rock on Saturday. Her former roommates Pauly D and The Situation are also in high demand, pocketing at least $7,500 an appearance.

If the Kardashian Klan can parlay a lazy sex tape into countless magazine covers and business deals [most profitable being Beefy's marriage to that dreadful share cropper looking nigga], Snickers should be able to buy herself some nice Tiny & Toya approved hand bags for exposing her pussy lips by doing back flips off the bar.

KEEP THE PARTY GOING AT DLISTED

I guess people are expecting the recession to last even after the rapture. Taking note from the hustlers and grinders, atheists are even getting into the money making game. Eternal Earth-Bound Pets is an atheist-centered organization that will take care of your pets when Jesus calls you home to be with Tupac and Biggie. Peep the official statement from their site:

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.

For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.

My only problem is that atheism is the belief in no God. How can you be part of such an organization when you are making money from an “event” that is outside of your belief system? Chile, I guess.

Dwight Eubanks allowed the Atlanta Journal Constitution Home Finder inside his palatial pad for an intimate tour. Barbie’s dream house ain’t got shit on the presidential pussy headquarters. I dare you to disagree.

Killing You Hoes In Couture

“I don’t have any ‘Dwrongs’ in my wardrobe! My girlfriend Britanica Stewart says I’m a slave to fashion and that’s true,” admits Eubanks. “If it’s beautiful [and] feels good I have to have it. My mother was the first of 14, she [took] care of her siblings, she pressed their blue jeans [and] shirts. When she had kids she [stressed] that she was not pressing no more blue jeans! We were not allowed to wear blue jeans. Even when I’m cutting the grass I’m pulled together, I’m a southern gentleman.”

Bed Rock

“The bedroom is my element. That bed was inspired by my grandmother,” says Eubanks. “We were so poor growing up she never threw away her mattresses. As one mattress got old she would just stack them. That was the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept in. This bed is me still trying to get that comfort from sleeping in my grandmother’s bed. I just keep stacking them on, there are four mattresses and a box spring in that bed. It puts me closer [to] the Lord when I’m sleeping. He protects me . . . The Japanese are short people, they would need a ladder to climb up on this bed. You can do a lot of things on a bed high up like that,” muses Eubanks, “especially with the poles, you just have to use your imagination. It’s wonderful!”

Splash Waterfalls

“That pool has done lots of entertaining,” says Eubanks. “My rule is no swimwear in the pool, swimwear messes up the chlorine count. That’s the only rule of the house. I’m sure my neighbors hate me because I sunbathe in the nude all the time. I just think that’s how it should be.”

Thanks VMoney for the link!

Although it has been confirmed by every weed man in America is rumored that Nick Nolte is on that “stuff” Quween can’t help but reach out to the lost soul. As her cup runneth over with single dollar bills she witnessed to the actor wearing the full armor of God [Chanel house slippers, a  $5 MJ tribute shirt, flaws and all] while prying paparazzi snapped away.

Now, that’s moving stuff right here. If you’re cousins had an ounce of Quween’s worth ethic and hustle for the Lord their bank accounts would rival Steve Jobs. No good deed goes unnoticed, people.

It should be dutifully noted that shining armour does not include nigger jackets or onesies.

Just hours after Kelis gave birth to her first child, a judge reportedly ordered her estranged husband, Nas, to fork over some serious cash in both spousal and child support.

According to The Associated Press, a Los Angeles Superior Court judge ruled today that Nas must pay Kelis nearly $44,000 a month in support. The ruling is temporary until a follow-up hearing September 8, when it will be decided if the amount should be altered. In addition to the monthly support, Nas must also pay $45,000 to cover Kelis’ attorney fees and for a forensic accountant.

Knight is the first child for Kelis and the second for Nas,  who has a 15 year old daughter, Destiny, from a previous relationship with Carmen Bryan.

In an interview with Good Morning America this morning Papa Joe revealed that he believes that the children of the late King of Pop have bright futures in entertainment among other things. You know what that means, right? Cheea! Here are a few highlights and a couple of low ones, too.

• “I just couldn’t believe what was happening to Michael,” he said. “I do believe it was foul play,” Jackson added. “I do believe that. Yes.”

• “Their grandmother — Katherine — and I” should raise them, he said. “Yes, there’s no one else to do what we can do for them. We should keep them all together and then make them happy, feed ‘em like they’re supposed to be fed, and let them get rest, plenty of sleep and grow up to be strong Jacksons.”

• “I don’t know — I keep watching Paris,” Joe Jackson said. “She . . . wants to do something. And as far as I can see, well, they say Blanket, he can really dance,” he added.

For more on the Joe Jackson exclusive interview tune into a special edition of “Primetime: Family Secrets”– “The Jackson Family: Life After Michael”, Tuesday, July 14, 10PM ET. What would be a good name for Papa Joe’s record label?

This is Kid Fury with a special announcement! Dereon is starting an exclusive new collection at TJ Maxx and you can consider this the commercial. Well, not really, but how far off could I possibly be with that assumption? The Pride of the Knowles Clan has cranked a new video out for the kids and it couldn’t be anymore recession proof. You better get into those delightful special effects courtesy of Windows Movie Maker.

I hope you didn’t expect anything too extravagant. You know Killa Matt is making sure his daughter saves these coins. I mean, after the cost of lacefronts, Tina’s lipstick, Jay-Z’s Ped-Egg, and weekly shrimp gumbo dinners, that money thins out! So, if that means Sasha’s videos have to look like raunchy Sesame Street clips, then so be it! You ain’t paying for her finger waves!