When a friend came up to me earlier this week reciting lines from Aretha’s new Snickers commercial I did what any other good creole would do by smiling and nodding until they were done speaking. Now I get it. And I can breathe again.
While The Flavor of Valtrex alumni work as bathroom attendants at Black Sweaty Thursdays just to have enough weekly gas money to get to work at Quik Chik, the guidos and guidettes of the Jersey Shore are fist pumping their way all the way to the bank by making club appearances throughout the country.
The Lil’ Kim of Poughkeepsie was paid $10,000 to host a Fist Pumping Competition at Florida’s Seminole Hard Rock on Saturday. Her former roommates Pauly D and The Situation are also in high demand, pocketing at least $7,500 an appearance.
If the Kardashian Klan can parlay a lazy sex tape into countless magazine covers and business deals [most profitable being Beefy's marriage to that dreadful share cropper looking nigga], Snickers should be able to buy herself some nice Tiny & Toya approved hand bags for exposing her pussy lips by doing back flips off the bar.
I guess people are expecting the recession to last even after the rapture. Taking note from the hustlers and grinders, atheists are even getting into the money making game. Eternal Earth-Bound Pets is an atheist-centered organization that will take care of your pets when Jesus calls you home to be with Tupac and Biggie. Peep the official statement from their site:
You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.
We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you’ve received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.
For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.
My only problem is that atheism is the belief in no God. How can you be part of such an organization when you are making money from an “event” that is outside of your belief system? Chile, I guess.
Dwight Eubanks allowed the Atlanta Journal Constitution Home Finder inside his palatial pad for an intimate tour. Barbie’s dream house ain’t got shit on the presidential pussy headquarters. I dare you to disagree.
Killing You Hoes In Couture
“I don’t have any ‘Dwrongs’ in my wardrobe! My girlfriend Britanica Stewart says I’m a slave to fashion and that’s true,” admits Eubanks. “If it’s beautiful [and] feels good I have to have it. My mother was the first of 14, she [took] care of her siblings, she pressed their blue jeans [and] shirts. When she had kids she [stressed] that she was not pressing no more blue jeans! We were not allowed to wear blue jeans. Even when I’m cutting the grass I’m pulled together, I’m a southern gentleman.”
Although it has been confirmed by every weed man in America is rumored that Nick Nolte is on that “stuff” Quween can’t help but reach out to the lost soul. As her cup runneth over with single dollar bills she witnessed to the actor wearing the full armor of God [Chanel house slippers, a $5 MJ tribute shirt, flaws and all] while prying paparazzi snapped away.
Now, that’s moving stuff right here. If you’re cousins had an ounce of Quween’s worth ethic and hustle for the Lord their bank accounts would rival Steve Jobs. No good deed goes unnoticed, people.
It should be dutifully noted that shining armour does not include nigger jackets or onesies.
Just hours after Kelis gave birth to her first child, a judge reportedly ordered her estranged husband, Nas, to fork over some serious cash in both spousal and child support.
According to The Associated Press, a Los Angeles Superior Court judge ruled today that Nas must pay Kelis nearly $44,000 a month in support. The ruling is temporary until a follow-up hearing September 8, when it will be decided if the amount should be altered. In addition to the monthly support, Nas must also pay $45,000 to cover Kelis’ attorney fees and for a forensic accountant.
Knight is the first child for Kelis and the second for Nas, who has a 15 year old daughter, Destiny, from a previous relationship with Carmen Bryan.
In an interview with Good Morning America this morning Papa Joe revealed that he believes that the children of the late King of Pop have bright futures in entertainment among other things. You know what that means, right? Cheea! Here are a few highlights and a couple of low ones, too.
For more on the Joe Jackson exclusive interview tune into a special edition of “Primetime: Family Secrets”– “The Jackson Family: Life After Michael”, Tuesday, July 14, 10PM ET. What would be a good name for Papa Joe’s record label?
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