SHAM. FUCKING. WOW.

This is just like hearing your parents talk about participating in hoe shit. Yes, you expect that they have done a couple of slut bucket activities in their lifetime [which would explain your existence] but you’re not trying to get a front row view of the action. Unless you are that little confused white boy from Transformers, now that’s a whole 10 minute segment of Dr. Phil.

Uncle Russell thought it would be in good taste [insert JoJo Simmons approved lip smack here] by making out with his new model girlfriend Noemie Lenoir for the razzi earlier this week in New York City. And all I can see is Lil’ Russy in 30 years. I am clutching my pearls and reaching for one of Justine’s hot wings as you read this.

“Last night I thought there was one in there but I couldn’t find it. My husband offered to take a look but I said: ‘Uh, actually, no thanks.’ Cos, you know, some things just … Anyway, I had to go to my gynecologist’s office – which is in New Jersey, where I live – first thing this morning. I waited in my car until the office was open so she could see me right away. It was fine. There was nothing there.”

- – Wendy Williams on her tampon being M.I.A.

SAD LIL’ MAMA FACE RATING [OUT OF 5]

]]> http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/06/08/quick-quotes-141/feed/ 69 http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/04/13/qa-pussy-monster/ http://www.crunktastical.net/2009/04/13/qa-pussy-monster/#comments Tue, 14 Apr 2009 03:48:19 +0000 Fresh http://www.crunktastical.net/?p=18104

Playboy conducted a great interview with Lil’ Wayne about a not so great topic: his sex life. My face had more twist in it than a contortionist while reading this but I am sure this will leave somebody out there dripping. I see you going through your RSS feed Al Reynolds!

How old were you when you lost your virginity and what were the circumstances?

WAYNE: I was 11 and the girl was 13. She had every board game you could imagine. I liked board games. We was playing Win Lose or Draw and on the board she wrote, “Fuck me.” Now I was 11, and I didn’t even know it meant “intercourse.” I just knew it was a cuss word, so I was like, “Why is she cussing herself out?” She said, “Do you want to play ‘Press Your Luck’? Well, the game is in my closet.” She had a walk-in closet, so she said, “Go get it, it’s right to the right….” When I walk to the closet she came in and cut the lights off and took off my pants, and I remember my ass was cold up against the wall. I was like, “What the hell!?” When I tried to push her off me, I felt that she was naked also, so I just stepped back and let her do what she do.

12. How cautious are you when it comes to having sex?

WAYNE: I have to be more cautious now. Let me tell you the trick to that. What you do is stop ramming them hos and make love to that pussy! Make that pussy love you and that rubber ain’t going nowhere. That rubber will be right there where you started off with if you make love to that pussy. That’s when a nigga fuck up, when you trying to do too much. A nigga like me, I am gonna make the pussy so wet that there’s no such thing as popping or slipping off. Only problem I am gonna have is keep slipping it in.

Okay thats enough! I haven’t had dinner yet and this is fucking with my appetite. Visit Blogxilla.com to read the rest.

“I always get Santa lingerie, even if nobody sees itt. But this year it will be appreciated! [My girlfriends and I] go in the hot tub in our Christmas bikinis, then roll in the fresh snow and jump back in . . . I’m really looking forward to being in love on Christmas. The holidays are always great, but being in love … is going to be the icing on the cake.”

- – Mimikins strips down for Christmas

This shit is gross. I’d rather drink Pig Pen’s hot tub water through a sour straw

” . . .There was some new guy I was dating, and it was the first time we were going to go there, and he was weird about it. So I ask Jenna [Jameson] for advice and she’s like, “Honey, it’s just a little war paint, who cares?”

- – Danity Kane member Aubrey O’ Day talks to Complex about having sex while on her period

FYI: Cheri Dennis would never put her business on front street like this. She’s a real lady!

On New York under covers . . .
It was like having sex with a stuffed animal—with those fake eyes and fake hair. A stuffed animal with a real set of you-know-what. It feels like having sex with an oversize Cabbage Patch. You got silicone parts that are made for toys.

Chance’s advice for New York . . .
Stop kissing so many damn guys, man. Relax. Take it slow. Don’t put no more plastic parts on you, because you ain’t a toy. Unless you want to be my toy again. That’s aight, then. Come on down. You know where to find me. But New York, be safe out there. You’re a good person. Stallionaires love you.

- – Chance talks to King magazine about sexing New York, Jesse Jackson and more

Put your headphones on for this one

Salad is green most of the time, right?

[Thanks India]

You already know.

“‘Lights, Camera, Action,’ we made that song after the first night we played ‘Love in This Club’ at the club, Jermaine Dupri’s club,” Polow recalled. “It’s a nice little way to tell a girl, ‘Let’s make a porno.’ It could be with your girl or a new girl. It’s telling her, ‘You know you love right. … There’s something I wanna do with you I never tried before.’ The song goes, ‘First I go hit the lights/ I set up the camera/ Then we get to action.’ It’s dope. It’s a dance joint.”

— Polow talks with MTV News about Usher’s new album, Here I Stand

The mental image of Usher and Tameka getting loose in front of a Sony DV cam . . .