Jacking For Posts: Hydro Creole

Posted on August 5, 2009

Live from The House of The Fury, its Wonder Creole!

Japanese people get all the good shit!

During one of my occasional searches for ghetto fights and vogue battles on Youtube, I unintentionally splashed into this beautiful bean footage. Bebe Zahara is stomping around giving you the usual Creole dramatics and advertising bottled water all at the same time. Honestly, I thought she would be working with Fiji or something more elegant. That’s the water that Jehovah’s Witness walk around the hood drinking, and the South Miami Elementary School cheerleaders sell on US1. Okay, girl.

Don’t worry, stans. That water is computer generated, so your Queen’s wig will stay dry and toasty!

Faces From The Milk Carton: Erika Alexander

Posted on July 30, 2009

erika1 Faces From The Milk Carton: Erika Alexander

The hood will always recognize Erika Alexander as Maxine Shaw attorney at law from Living Single for the rest of career [or the young Mama Flora if you really on your approved movies for public school game] but as long as she isn’t out doing hoe shit for work she will always have a place in my heart.

Being a dead ringer for Geisha doesn’t hurt either. A good, clean, bible study going version. I bet if I checked inside of her clutch it would be full of peppermints and Avon samples.

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No Adult Supervision Required

Posted on July 28, 2009

If Lil’ Wayne performance at the ’09 EBT Awards left a sour taste in your mouth you may want to grab ahead and grab a bottle of Dasani for this niggatry. A group of your cousins performed their smash hit “I Eats Da Pussy” while kids gyrated their hips alongside on stage. I guess its a hard task to thrust dick to “I Eat All The Vegetables On My Plate” and maintain your street credibility on the playground.

Being exposed to lyrics like “I’ll suck the shit out your ass, literally, I’ll suck the shit out your ass” its no wonder why hoe shit among adolescents is at an all time high.

The beauty of this all is that the company responsible for recording is Get Your Life Together Productions. Message!

SAD LIL’ MAMA FACE RATING [OUT OF 5]

Friday Fuckery: Acting Bad

Posted on July 24, 2009

Longtime Crunkster and fuckery enthusiast Nikki submitted a movie trailer that is sure to snatch your soul.

Remember that hip hopera version of Carmen that Beyonce did years ago? Well, that ain’t got shit on this. It’s called A Day In The Life and it’s produced and directed by Sticky Fingaz.

I don’t think Bokeem Woodbine can even save this shit — and ya’ll know how hard I ride [ahem] for him! EBT is going to snatch this up quicker than you can say TYLER PERRRRRY, TYLER PERRY!

Gucci Makes The Snow Bunnies Go Bonkers

Posted on July 21, 2009

Thank God for small favors.

Contrary to the gossip mill Gucci Mane LeFlair isn’t trying to protect his man hood or biscuits in the big house. Rumors circulated over the weekend that he was heading back to jail after violating his probation sending him bird walking back to the slammer, prompting his attorney to release a statement denying the chitter chatter.

The only thing Gucci is guilty of is driving the snow bunnies wild! Watch and be amazed at two of your cousins [by marriage] go ape shit over his designer peen. I love chicken!

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Gettin’ Tipsy

Posted on July 21, 2009

Hood figgas, bitch drank Nuevo, and Fashion Fair cosmetics were in abundance as Pretty Ricky shot the video for “Tipsy” at Plush in Jacksonville, Flaw-duh earlier this month. Moncrief stand up! Just don’t shoot.

But I digress.

That gasp you hear is the sound of my chest swelling up with pride over the ingenuity of your cousin. Being Black in America doesn’t get any sweeter than this! Never mind the bedazzled fly hoe swatter, please give your full undivided attention to his colorful coif. His yaki creativity may go over Tasia Mae’s head but I can’t help but stop and salute. [Via Ozonemag]

Friday Fuckery: Crazy In Love

Posted on July 10, 2009

Never mind the bullet holes in Frankie’s tights or her Sarafina game proper feet – - she is in love! Here’s the skinny via Freddy O:

Frankie went on to The Ryan Cameron show to tell the world that she was in engaged and was deeply in love with her new boy friend Mon, who is 22 years old. Frankie loves that young meat, telling the world that she was so so happy and in love. Taking after her daughter Keyshia, who got her boo tattooed on her shoulder ”D. Gibson,” (Daniel Gibson is his real name), Frankie decided to show how much she loved her man by getting his name tattooed right above her a$$. “Thats where he wanted it,” she told me I then said ”so he can hit it every night.”