Archive for the 'Return To Sender' Category

“Girl, Your Dress Is Not The Business” Side-Eye Fever

And You Ain\'t Thick

What’s good Fresh?

Real quick, I read your site every day and think you are hilarity. I found this red carpet side eye via yahoo news. The chick is the main heroine in the new Vampire movie Twilight and apparently her outfit was a first time red carpet “don’t”. The guy in the back is throwing some shade her way. Hope it makes the cut. Stay up.

– Miss B. Haven

Maybe He Should Throw A Rent Party

Bishop Thomas Weeks held Sunday services at the Holiday Inn in Norcross, after his congregation was evicted from their previous home in Duluth.

If I were faced with the same dilemma I would have moved my spiritual sheep to the Motel 6. They keep the light on for you . . . this little light of mine. Connection much?

Weeks said in an interview Sunday that he was “re-sizing” his church “to fit economic times. We are committed to being an absolutely debt-free ministry,” he said.

[This story isn't worthy of a side-eye, this shit has tangled pupils written all over it. - - Fresh]

Weeks, the leader of Global Destiny International Ministries, has long battled financial problems, including civil lawsuits for past-due accounts.

His church used to have about 3,400 members but lost about 1,600 after he attacked his now ex-wife, national evangelist Juanita Bynum, in an Atlanta hotel parking lot in 2007.

On Sunday about 250 enthusiastic worshippers found their way to the meeting room at the Holiday Inn Select, 6050 Peachtree Industrial Blvd. Church members clapped, sang and praised the Lord as they waited for Weeks to start the service.

Weeks was optimistic about the future, saying it’ll be “greater than ever.”

He now calls his church Global Destiny Worldwide Vision.

When something like this happens, it’s really an exodus into a new prophecy,” he said. [source]

Exodus, eh? That’s what we’re calling it now? I guess my cousin made the same exodus when he fled the state in an attempt to run away from child support payments. According to a lawyer for Grimes-Square Executive, Weeks owes more than $400,000 in rent and fees to the landlord of his church campus.

Weeks told his congregation he wants to pay off debt and only worry about utilities, “and pay those off too, in advance.” A long line of church members stood up and offered donations at the pulpit.

Skeet or Delete: Overcooked Grits

Although he may brag about being able to bench press 375 pounds on his MySpace profile Richmond, California rapper Gritsitory [I bullshit you not] can thank his sculpted abs on the hand work of top plastic surgeon Dr. David Matlock. Long story short, after I peeped this dude on Dr. 90210 performing some wack ass song [along side his boo La Flora Venenosa] and went straight to Google.

And then I exhaled. Hit up his Myspace profile and listen to the track “1 Stalker” and call me in the morning.

Today’s Sermon From Thug Misses

It’s been months since I’ve got my cute little acrylic nails stuck in my keyboard transcribing Khia’s advice column for Hood Magazine but because I love you more than Lenny Williams I risked my tips today to bring you the following 100 percent unadulterated fuckery.

Khia,

You know I fuck with you but how the fuck you gone say it’s something wrong with niggas who be in strip clubs? Everybody go to strip clubs, and most niggas just go to show off how much money they got. I feel disrespected cause I go to strip clubs all the time just to get my rocks off.

- - Jason

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I’m Just Saying . . .

Celebrities are always complaining about the scrutiny they receive from the media when they are trying to enjoy some down side but something has gotta give. If you walk out your house looking like the SPED [special education] kid from high school who now works behind the jewelry counter at Wal-Mart  expect someone to talk about your ass, famous or not.

As much as I may love Jennifer Hudson I can’t remain silent about this shit. The child is waltzing around looking like Lil’ Magic from In Living Color. That’s a problem for me.

View more flicks + read her engagement story after the jump.

[Flicks via Just Jared]

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Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

Mr. Meet Me In The Parking Lot will search for his next bust it baby on a reality show for the internet. I would suggest he hit the YMCA but momofukas are all about self-publicity nowadays.

The recent ex-hubby of national evangelist Juanita Bynum is looking for love again — this time on his own reality show.

Bishop Thomas W. Weeks III, head of Duluth-based Global Destiny International Ministries, wants a new wife to mend his broken heart.

And he’s skipping the usual path to romance: chance meetings, singles mixers, social networking, speeding dating, fix-ups.

He is seeking advice from his followers.

Weeks will document his effort to open his heart to love again in 10 streaming video “Webisodes” starting next Tuesday on his Web site www.bishopweeks.com. The idea came after Weeks was flooded with thousands of e-mails and letters from people offering advice about what to look for in his third wife. Some even offered to be his wife.

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Quick Quotes

” . . .There was some new guy I was dating, and it was the first time we were going to go there, and he was weird about it. So I ask Jenna [Jameson] for advice and she’s like, “Honey, it’s just a little war paint, who cares?”

- - Danity Kane member Aubrey O’ Day talks to Complex about having sex while on her period

FYI: Cheri Dennis would never put her business on front street like this. She’s a real lady!

Dramatic Cunt . . . Ovah

Monica + Ashanti Ashanti

Ashanti may have been all smiles while posing with Monica at the For Sisters Only event this past weekend but she was everything other but sweet.  Word is she not only acted like a diva but demanded shit like she was still relevant!

Miss Honay threatened not to perform [as if it were a bad thing] if her make-up artist didn’t get a director’s chair to sit his kit in and asked for the venue hallways to be cleared out as she made her way to the restroom, which was also free of occupants.

Here is what Drama Dupree had to say about her performance:

AND THEN SHE GETS ON STAGE AND GETS VIEWED BY THE AUDIENCE. THEY WERE NOT FEELING THAT HORRIBLE ASS PERFORMANCE WITH THE 4 NONE-CHOREOGRAPHED DANCERS, THAT FOOLISH ASS SKIT AND HER HORRIBLE SINGING.

The message to this broad is that you’re thisclose to workng the front desk and Tire Kingdom with Cheri Dennis. Hit up Freddyo.com for more flicks of Ashitty, Monica, Yung Joc and others.

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