Speaking from personal experience, weddings and funerals are both guar-an-fucking-teed occasions in life that bring out the absolute worst in people. That’s why I try to avoid both when I can! One day when I write my tell-all book [look for it under the alias of Alana Carmen Steffans] I’m going to dish on all of the details involving my family.

But I digress.

The Game’s first cousin Robert “Kirky” Kirkwood tells TMZ that when his sister died the rapper volunteered to pay half of the $14k [1] cost to bury her. But after making the commitment, Kirky says The Game changed his phone number and went MIA.

He then says his famous relative showed up unexpectedly at the funeral last Saturday, even speaking at the service about family values. But things got ugly outside the church when the issue of the cash came up. Kirky says his cuz stepped to him and punched him in the face.

Come and get your cousins, please.

[1] So dude can brag about buying conflict diamonds but not foot the entire bill for the funeral? That’s not ballerific at all.

Bow Wow jumped on the remix to the Hot Stylez “Lookin’ Boy” and had some slick shit to say about his number one BFF in the whole world Omarion. Bow Wizzle raps: “Damn them jeans is tight / You a O-marion lookin’ boy.” He then goes on to say “I ain’t know me and you would be going at each other. I mean I did it for the fun, you know what I’m saying? But you made a nigga wanna some fun with that thang.”

Bitch please. Did Da Brat or T.I. write that shit for you? They pen everything else.

I can’t confirm this but I think Shad is mad that Omari has a new spa partner in his life. Build a bridge hoe, build a bridge! He must have saw the candids [since his ass is always online] of O and his newbie cruising the block and had a fit. Don’t be mad at O because he is real fish!

You ol’ I might as well crawl under the same bus I’m trying to throw Omarion under [copyright SR] lookin’ boy.

Just when I thought Minister Thomas Weeks was finally done Crankin’ That Bynum . . .

The estranged husband of evangelist Juanita Bynum says in a new book that she has tried to use a highly publicized physical altercation to revive her own flagging ministry.

The self-published book by minister Thomas Weeks III includes chapters with titles such as “I Would Rather Push You Now Than Punch You Later” and “She Wanted to Be Oprah at Any Cost” and says it was Weeks who suffered physical and emotional abuse in the relationship.

In the 153-page “What Love Taught Me,” Weeks says the Aug. 21 dispute was nothing more than a continuation of the “heated fellowship” the two ministers engaged in during their marriage. The scuffle between the two in a hotel parking lot landed Weeks in jail on charges he pushed, choked and beat Bynum, and he ultimately pleaded guilty to assaulting her. He is serving three years of probation.

Weeks claims his wife instigated the parking lot incident and used it to paint herself as a poster girl for domestic violence and to boost her ministry.

“Ultimately, she had to have a plot and a plan to destroy my credibility, to leak issues that were in the process of being resolved … so that she could get out of the marriage almost blameless,” he wrote. [source]

Its starting to feel like they are playing serve and volley with their dirty laundry, not a good look at all for the church folks. First Juanita takes a trip to Divorce Court [watch] now Happy Eyes writes a book? DO. NOT. WANT. DO. NOT. NEED.

During an interview with Angie Martinez earlier this week 50 Cent said Missy Eliott may have motorboat former G-Unit artist Olivia while working on her project. Look, don’t be mad that Missy gets more snatch than everybody in the squad! Curtis probably has been on the receiving end of way more peen than she will ever see on this side, so can we just call it even?

The younger hubby of radio shock jock Wendy Williams repeatedly tried to force her female booker to sleep with him - and beat up his tough-talking wife at her own station, an explosive complaint charges.Nicole Spence, who works as the red-hot radio queen’s talent booker at WBLS 107.5-FM, filed the papers with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission yesterday.

Spence, 27, claims in the complaint that her boss’ husband, Kevin Hunter, 33, demanded sex from her more than a dozen times and created a hostile work environment by repeatedly beating up Williams, 43, in and near the studio.

“Mr. Hunter repeatedly sexually propositioned me at work in the most crude and vulgar ways, telling me over and over that he wanted to ‘f- - -’ me,” Spence charges. Through her lawyer, Ken Thompson, Spence yesterday declined to comment.

Both Williams and Hunter deny the allegations. [continue reading]

So Kevin is a potential pussy crook, eh? I’m not surprised by this one bit. Ladies, clutch your pearls and hold them tight!

The above clip from comedian Pauly Shore has been heating up blogs and forums the past couple of days. Pauly seems a little salty because he isn’t being showed the same industry love as black comedians. I have an extremely low tolerance for bullshit today so I didn’t make it through the entire clip. Besides, dude hasn’t been relevant to me since he dropped ‘Encino Man’.

Wait, wasn’t he in that Young Buck video for “Shawty Wanna Ride” too? Eh, next.

The above ad from Strapped Condoms is a far cry from the original bad gay porn DVD cover that the company first released. Heads at the company sent out emails to bloggers bitching about using “images and likeness of the [Strapped] in a defamatory context” but you know they were really like “damn, it does look like the cop is taking a slice of his booty pie.” Don’t run away with your tails tucked between your legs now!

If you ask for my opinion the first ad with Weezy getting hit in his backdoor trumps this shit.

 

[Via Necole Bitchie]

 

R.Kelly dropped a diss track titled “I’m A Beast” aimed directly at the always timeless, always tangy Ne-Yo. I’ve had enough fuckery in my world in the last 24 hours to last me until June, so I will pass.

click here to listen