The family that spends $1.3 million a month on expenses together, stays together.

Shaquille and Va’Shaundya [don’t side-eye me, side-eye her parents] spent their Independence Day cupcaking in the Cayman Islands. Amidst the rumors of infidelity on both sides, the couple is said to be reconciling. Good for them, bad for Jerzee Monet! Now if Bobby and Nippy can spend a romantic weekend at The Carter everything will be right in the world again . . .

Kobe, can you tell me what Shaq’s ass taste like now? Sorry, I had to.

[Flick via Rhymes With Snitch]

Say it ain’t so! The Velvet Teddy Bear more like polyester nowadays is allegedly set to marry Surata Zuri McCants [best last name ever], one of the hard working ladies from the “Tip Drill” video. It must be his money ’cause it ain’t his waist. This is going to make for an awesome cover story for Sister 2 Sister.

I tried to watch the video to see if I could point her out [where she at? where she at? there she go!] but I got lost in a sea of ass, Solo red cups, and throwback jerseys. Here’s what one of my favorite bloggers The IPS from Tha Feedback had to say about Reuben’s plans on wifing up the booty bouncer:

WOW, “Flying without Wings” indeed Mr. Teddy Bear! I hope he got her tested, checked, and ran her through a car wash or something. But apparently, Ruben is a fan of Magic City. LOL, I’m sorry, if he puts out another Gospel album like he is rumored to be doing, I won’t be buying that! He will not be spending MY cold hard cash on singles in g-strangs, hot wings and Cristal. No sir, no ma’am, I can’t and I won’t!

I’ve been giving Ruben the side-eye every since he went on Showbiz Tonight talking about how wonderful it felt to be a vegan but this takes the cake. I wonder if Fantasia and Young Dro have anything to do with the couple meeting.

Remy Ma borrows Patti LaBelle’s 80’s hit song “If Only You Knew” to tell her boo Papoose how much he really means to her. It’s no “Dangerously In Love” [ain’t nobody messing with Bust It Creole — Mama Tina paid me to say that] but it will do.

Click here to listen to Papoose’s “My Girl” if you missed it the first time. I will be satisfied when they have their little pet dedication ceremony and shut the hell up.

“What I found is divorce just can’t be an option. It’s really that simple. And I think that’s the problem with L.A. – there are so many options. So a huge part of the success for [Jada] and I is that we just removed the other options . . . We’re like listen, we’re going to be together one way or the other so we might as well try to be happy,” he said.

- - Will Smith talks marriage with Ellen

Here’s everybody’s favorite close up of Ushmeka. Happy Friday!

Usher’s manager Benny Medina shot down rumors that the singer split from wife, Tameka Foster.

“It’s 100 percent not true,” Usher’s manager Benny Medina told usmagazine.com.

The two were married last August in Atlanta and exchanged vows again in September. They welcomed their first son, Usher Raymond V, last year.

“Usher and Tameka are currently traveling in Europe together as a family on his promotional tour,” Medina said. “This rumor is completely false.”

Tameka spoke to ATL radio personality Mz. Shyneka about the rumors, saying “All my haters wish that on us but it’s not true at all. We are happy!”

I just hope that they share a kiss on stage Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley style at this year’s MTV Awards. The response from the crowd will be the same: sheer terror and disgust.

Jada Pinkett Smith trashed her ‘Girl, you so emo!’ mullet and opted for free flowing locks as she and husband Will made their way to a private film screening at the Cannes Film Festival on Saturday. I don’t care if the Smiths tag team bitches together in their bedroom or not, I love these kids.

But first . . .

This video of Papoose sparring with Remy Ma has a special place in my heart. Girl, you so thorough! To quote Lil’ Jon, “I like dem guhls who will help yo boy fight / dem be dem guhls that will fuck with a dyke.”

While we’re in the mood for love here at C+D [I said that shit like a young Donnie Simpson in his prime], Papoose penned a song for the special women in his  life [including boo Remy Ma], titled “My Girl.”

At the count of three everybody who believes in love and all that it can do for you say “awww.” One, two, absolutely not.

I can’t wait until these kids officially exchange vows once Pap’s ban from the clink is lifted. Little Latarian would make for a wonderful ring bearer, don’t you agree?

• Allie Cat’s mom, Ada Reynolds, tells In Touch that her daughter didn’t want a divorce from Star Jones. “He did not want this divorce at all. He wanted to stay married. I think Star wanted the divorce, not Al,” said Reynolds.

  I wouldn’t want to cut the person who is paying for my living expenses off either! Other insiders believe that the reason the couple decided to call it quits was because Al wanted to focus on his career.

• According to Hollyscoop.com Bust It Creole has a little camel in the oven. The gossip site claims that her pregnancy is the real reason the couple decided to tie the knot with a quickie wedding ceremony.

  I’m going to need more people and Cousin Angie to confirm this. I’m not saying it couldn’t happen but Beyaki’s creole legacy is far too precious for this type of situation to go down.

At first I had a hard time accepting Michael Strahan + Nicole Murphy as a couple until I thought about all the things they probably have in common. Exchanging workout tips, drinking each other’s Myoplex shakes on the sly, comparing dick sizes in the locker room . . . it’s just like being in middle school again! Sounds like a killer time to me.

The flashing lights caught the couple as they departed from Ye Waverly Inn in New York City this past weekend. Nicole’s brolic game was on full tilt.

What is Linny from The Wonder Pets doing driving Janet Jackson around? He can barely see over the steering wheel . . . I can’t. Ming Ming, come and get your people.