Crunk + Disorderly » My Personal Obama

From The C+D Vault: Hurricane Chris Performs “Halle Berry” At The Louisiana House of Representatives

Fresh — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 22:23:30 +0000

2009 - Rapper Hurricane Chris performing his opus to female beauty in front of the Louisiana House of Representatives in his finest active pallbearer suit is the dream and the hope of the slave, and deserves a slot in America’s tattered history.

Right next to the creator of clear hair beads.

People You Should Be Paying Homage To: The Real Heroes of New Year’s Eve

Fresh — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 19:21:50 +0000

Forget about primped to perfection celebrities and what went down at their uber fabulous invite-only parties for a moment. The true Cinderella story on December 31 is the sheer multitude of drunk people who find themselves stumbling out of the club before the cab they will eventually pass out in on the way home turns back into a big ass pumpkin. Salute.

In Other News: 2 Chainz Says He Had His First Threesome In 7th Grade

Fresh — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 07:14:53 +0000

Being on the receiving end of groupie love is nothing new for Atlanta rapper 2 Chainz, so he’s not pressed for the pum pum. The artist formerly known as Tity Boi tells Vibe that he keeps it strictly business when the grind takes him away from home. Similaaaaaaac!

People don’t have to tell me this but I definitely don’t mix business with pleasure. My business is rocking shows, not rocking the girls that came to the show. I can’t lie, I have a lot of lonely nights in the room, but I bring my studio and I get work done. It could be tempting but I don’t do stuff like that. For me, a lot of artists that get that kind of reaction, you probably have to look at how they were in high school and their connection with women. With me, and this is no lie, I had my first ever encounter in a threesome in the 7th grade. So, the situation is not only was I having sex…what I’m basically saying is prior to “riding around and getting it,” I was riding around and getting it [Laughs]. Different people have different motives and I have to be conscious of all that because I don’t want any problems.

Bonus: Mr. College Park explains how he got his infamous rap alias.

2 Chainz: I want to explain this—I wish I could put this on a billboard. Tity Boi is not derogatory towards women, I didn’t make it up, I didn’t get it from a titty-sucking contest or anything like that. The name Tity Boi actually came from my big mama, from me being spoiled and an only child—breastfed. My mama called me Tity Boi, my dad called me Tity Man, my hood called me Tit so when we was trying to rap I had been going by Tit my whole life, Tit, Tity, Tity Man —it’s just like a country nickname —term for being an only child.

Buzz Notes: Stripper Reality Show Coming To VH1?

Fresh — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 16:08:56 +0000

What the world needs now isn’t love — it’s a reality show about the naked hustle.

Brimming with pride, Akinyele (yes, that Akinyele) and King of Diamond’s Charles “Pop” Young (who also happens to be Trick Daddy’s father) announced via crappy video that infamous Miami strip club King of Diamonds will provide the backdrop for a new VH1 reality series titled Queen of Strip. He who is without sin throw the first stack of singles in the air!

The network hasn’t confirmed the news but the addition of the show wouldn’t be a far stretch from the current negro programming line-up. Everybody leave the dressing room please.

Quick Quotes: Webbie

Fresh — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 14:54:05 +0000

If you ain’t think and fine with ass jiggling when you walk I don’t even want to have nothing to do with you. We can be “hey, how you doing?” but I don’t fuck with you. My dick too big.

– Webbie downplays Rocsi’s sexual harassment accusations, brags about the size of his meat again in new interview

DMX: “I Can Do 20 Years And Get Out When I’m 60 And Still Be In Good Shape”

Fresh — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 23:28:07 +0000

Have you heard the good gospel? Heavy prescription medication isn’t the only thing DMX is currently on. Fans of Dark Man X can now serve as in-house probation officers for the troubled rapper by stalking his every move on Twitter at his pig latin-eque name, @DizarkMizanIzex. Below are excerpts from his love letter to my heart disguised as his first major post-jail interview with XXL magazine.

Now that you’re out, what’s your current state of mind?

Focus, focus. The first time out the gate, what I got was given to me and I felt like it was owed to me. Now I want it, so I take it.

Who’s waiting at home for you?

Home is in New York. I have two kids out here by two different chicks . . . I have six baby mothers and 10 kids.

You’ve been through this ordeal before, of going to jail. And your ex-wife Tashera Simmons was always by your side, holding you down. Was it hard this time around?

Nah. We broke up, like, seven years ago. There were a few months when I had nobody by my side.

How much do you want to leave jail life in the past and move on?

How? It’s a part of me. I can do [another jail sentence]. I can do it. I don’t want to. Who wants to? Nobody wants to do it, but I can do it. You don’t want to do it. But if need be, I know I can take a nigga face off, sit down and do that time. See, I’m 40. I can do 20 years. I can do 20 years and get out when I’m 60 and still be in good shape. Yeah, I don’t want to. But I know that, Hey, money [puts his hands up as if to fight], Ayyyy, ayyyy, ayyyy, ayyyy. You know? It is what it is. I’ll take a muthafucka face off, like Nicholas Cage. Real talk. Real talk.

What do you think about the state of rap music right now?

No comment.

One person who’s not too popular in Arizona is President Obama. In an interview with XXL a few years back, you didn’t know who Obama was. You must know him now.

I don’t think about him. This the most–this is the last state accept Martin Luther King’s birthday as a holiday. So fuck Arizona. F-A. Fuck Arizona, nigga. Say it like that. I don’t give a fuck. Real talk–niggas ain’t killing nothing but time out here. I don’t even know their views on Obama. I’m not into that. I’m into the Lord, yo. All the other shit is irrelevant. Man-made shit. Dude who did that, it’s nothing. Doesn’t matter to me. At the end of the day, whose will prevail? The Lord’s. All that other shit–man did this, and man said that. Fuckin’ redneck, with the long johns, out in the desert. [In a redneck accent] “Oh, I don’t think…” Fuck that. And I called him a nigga, yeah.

What do you want people to know about you this moment?

I am the truth. I am the light. I am the dark.

And all three missing in hip-hop right now?

At this point, right now, while you ask me that, I can’t give you an honest answer. I know the truth and light is missing. But, you know . . . and the dark.

In Other News: Coco Had A Nip Slip Last Night

Fresh — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 23:11:06 +0000

Life as a demure dame cease to exist for Coco on last night when her strapless mini-dress slipped down, accidentally exposing her right nipple while working the runway during Richie Rich’s runway show Lavo Nightclub. Titty Tuesday, indeed.

“The fabric was so slippery. I knew there was going to be a malfunction!,” she exclaimed to CelebBuzz minutes after her nip slip. “Oh well. That’s life. What are you going to do?”

After a quick wardrobe change and soothing words of comfort by husband Ice-T, your girl was back to selling ass to the highest bidder. Her ability to stare adversity dead in the face and overcome it deserves a multitude of fucks to give. Too bad I’m completely wiped out until the weekend.

Late Pass: The Vagina Monologues

CRUNK STAFF — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 14:06:54 +0000

If you’re into thick a lil’ deals who travel on two wheels a YouTube temptress by the name of CrippleWith Swag has a song for you. Turning a negative into a positively ratchet dance tune, this empowerment anthem for the real parking lot pimps boasts of lines like, “So what I can’t walk my vagina ain’t handicap.” And what is no doubt a challenge to the girls with working legs, CrippleWithSwag lisps the line, “Once they’ve gone cripple, well, they just ain’t never been back.”

Something about this song screams “sing-a-long if you want to sleep beside Satan,” but if you know hell ain’t nothing but a tutor session with Fantasia anyway repeat after she: “’Cause if it ain’t about handicap vagina it isn’t relevant.”

Who’s the non-muthafuckin’ factor now, Evelyn?

Bobby Brown: ‘My Smell Is My Smell, I Don’t Wanna Sell It’

Fresh — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 20:50:48 +0000

Fans wishing to encapsulate Bobby Brown’s week old collard green funk within a fragrance will unfortunately have to go about it in a more practical way — dumpster diving. The King of Rocks & Blunts tells Hip Hop Weekly that he is not interested in adding perfumer to his resume.

“I’m not the perfume guy or the guy that puts out the colognes – I’m not that. I don’t need a cologne because my smell is my smell – I don’t wanna sell it. I wanna sell me, and the only one way to do that is to perform, and I believe in my heart and in my soul that I’m the best to ever do it, other than James Brown.”

IF BOBBY BROWN HAD A FRAGRANCE WHAT WOULD IT SMELL LIKE?

NSFW: Deelishis Shows Off Her Post-Baby Body On The Stripper Pole

Fresh — Tue, 08 Mar 2011 16:42:14 +0000

Never mind dude’s face looking all types of suspect as hell.

When London “Deelishis” Charles isn’t gushing over the latest addition to her family (adorable 11-month old daughter Lexington Brielle) or singing off key to her man about having sexy time with him and another woman you can catch the Flavor of Love 2 winner shaking her twin coffee cakes like Michael J. Fox sitting on top of a washing machine during the spin cycle in the most ratchet of places online – right here in Crunkland being one. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The happily married mommy portrays a waitress who trades in her apron for a g-string in a dialogue free short film released exclusively to World Star Hip Hop titled She Works Hard For The Money. Hey, mama gotta have an ass slanging side hustle too.