People You Should Be Paying Homage To: Carla From Burger King

Raise your right hand and you place your left hand on the Bible. Now repeat the following phrase: Take a good look. You know my name, it’s Carla. Fuck what you heard.

The above YouTube clip is exactly what Christians mean when they ask other believers to pray for their continued strength in the Lord. What they really are requesting is that no one ever records cell phone footage of them snapping on the staff inside an empty Burger King as their poverty-stricken breasts hang like cow udders.

The fuck boy quota is too damn high — and so is the rent. Get that woman a hot cup of Joe.

People You Should Be Paying Homage To: The Pregnant Woman That Voted En Route To Hospital To Give Birth #GoVote

If someone gives you the lame excuse that they are too busy to vote today, swiftly karate chop them in their throat and pass along the following gem.

Cook County Clerk David Orr said earlier this morning 21-year-old Galicia Malone‘s contractions were five minutes apart when she showed up around 8:30 a.m. at her precinct’s location named — wait for it — New Life Celebration Church.

“I never voted before so this made a major difference in my life,” she said. “And I wanted this to be a stepping-stone for my daughter.”

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People You Should Be Paying Homage To: @ThisIsLady

lady dog People You Should Be Paying Homage To: @ThisIsLady

If its journalistic integrity and an unbiased opinion you look for in a trusted blogger leave now and click a banner ad on your way out. Big Gates Records rapper Lady and I are like this. Well, at least on Twitter. Who would’ve thought that a mutual admiration for Pastor Troy’s “Help Me Rhonda” would provide the  platform for our initial conversation? Not Judge Alex.

That being said, Lady and her Smurfette-hued lips can do no wrong by me. But I am sure the same rules won’t apply to your critique for her latest masterpiece, “Pussy.” Please rise for the reading of Trap God’s word:

Make a nigga cheat pussy / Nut and then I skeet pussy / Fuck him so good I’m moving in next week pussy / Tricking off to keep the pussy / Beat it like the beat pussy / So fresh and so clean, I got that STD-free pussy

Let’s make sure she continues to take control of her feminine health with RepHresh and AZO Cranberry tablets.

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Yes, You Care: Momma Dee Started Pimping From A Hospital Bed

momma dee Yes, You Care: Momma Dee Started Pimping From A Hospital Bed

The introduction to the pimp game came at a crucial time in the life of ‘Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta’ star Momma Dee.

The former madam, who still makes threats of putting bitches back on the track when pressed to the outer levels of annoyance (if you’re an avid shopper at Walmart you know the feeling), says she became a full fledged female mack while recovering from a head-on car collision because it was the best alternative to provide for her family.

“What people don’t understand is that I have a degree in nursing and then a 16-year-old hit me head on. And he was drunk. And it took me three years to learn how to walk again. Within those three years, no one in my family came to boil a pot of water or do anything for me and my kids,” she recalled during a recent appearance on the Tom Joyner Morning Show.

“I couldn’t work because every five years I would have to get a new hip. And when you have those types of surgeries, it takes your four or five months to even walk again. And it was hard. And I had to get on food stamps and welfare, you know. So there was no one to get school clothes and put toys under the tree. Who was going to do that? And I’m not a beggar. So I got it myself. And it wasn’t by force — it was by choice.”

People You Should Be Paying Homage To: The Grandma Who Can Dance Like Usher

Here’s some hate we all can agree on: fuck osteoporosis.

Seriously, out of the awesome sauce associated with silver fox club membership – wisdom, more naps, and the uncanny ability to let everyone within an earshot know that the entire world can eat your ass before anybody can successfully convince you to transition into an assisted living facility — this creep life bastard is waiting for us to make our way over to the bar so it can strike up a conversation. Especially with us lady birds.

Starting at the age of 55, seniors should implement performing choreography to “You Make Me Wanna” into their daily routine because contrary to what is being marketed to the masses Caltrate won’t make her dance.

People You Should Be Paying Homage To: Gunplay

149561600 People You Should Be Paying Homage To: Gunplay

The phrase “you need people like me” comes to mind when Maybach Music Group’s resident animated rapper Gunplay is the topic of discussion. Sit back and enjoy this chicken noodle soup for the soul in the form of outtake quotes from the man of the hour’s interview with the Miami New Times.

On his wildman persona: It took a while for people to actually catch on. They were like, ‘He’s crazy. He’s gonna self destruct his system. Don’t worry about him. You’re gonna see him on the front page.’ Nah! I’ve been doing this for a long time. That’s what everybody in my Maybach Music family, that’s what they love me for. They love Gunplay, man. When we just started getting on the road, I was the motherfucker going from room to room like, ‘Where da bitches at,’ with my towel on, just finished [having sex] with this ho, telling this ho to chill in the room, cause my dog got another ho waiting for me. But I don’t want to kick this one out ’cause I’m gonna fuck her again later on tonight. So let me just tell my dawg to flee out the room real quick, let me bust her guts. I used to be wild like that, but I started focusing.

On his escort agency, Apples and Onions: I got some real solid hustlers out in Vegas and San Fran, they’re gonna set it off. When you see ‘em, they’re bad, you gon’ want to spend that. Sex has been selling since the beginning of time. It’s never gonna stop. It’s never a drought, it’s never a dull year. The business is a billion dollars a year. You’re not gonna tell me I can’t get at least $15 million out of that $1 billion. It’s impossible.

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