The Frankie Leg = Zumba For Crackheads
Leaving blood on the dance floor is one thing. Scattering syringes everywhere is another. That’s all.
Archive for the 'Living La Vida Loca In The Carter' Category
Watch This: Amy Winehouse Sings Her Little Crackhead Heart Out
When Lauryn Hill is busy cackling at you while rubbing Palmer’s cocoa butter on her stretch marks its time to buy some calamine lotion for that junky itch. Ned the Wino’s secret love child may have perfected my signature “hugs self like Ray Charles and laughs” move during her concert in Belgrade, Serbia but the bitch bombed all across the board in other categories. Only Michael K. from Dlisted could describe a disaster of this proportion.
If you’ve ever wanted to see a methadone clinic toddler do a Marilyn Monroe impersonation 2-seconds after she came out of a coma, then here you go.
Fresh off of her one-week stint in rehab, Amy Wino returned to the stage for her comeback concert in Belgrade last night and the audience left with an aftertaste of BOOs in their mouth and a sadness in their wallets. Almost 20,000 hos dropped $57 to see the triumphant return of Wino and what they got was a show that they can see for free on the 34th Street subway platform from a homeless crackhead wearing a dress made out of Hefty bags while trying to sing a Billie Holiday song in the style of Gilbert Gottfried. You just want to drop a coin in her donation cup so you can hear the sound of quarters clinking instead of the sound of a hyena with laryngitis getting choked out. A mess.
Jacking For Posts: As Fresh As A Spring Daisy Blowing In The Mountain Breezes
Yesterday afternoon, Lindsay Lohan showed a paparazzo why she’s the country’s premiere mug shot supermodel when she busted out the kind of poses you usually only see from a day-shift hooker trying to seduce truck drivers off the main road. Right before LiLo caught a private flight to New York, she posed in front of her house in Venice, CA with her friend Claus Hjelmbak. LiLo really is a chameleon. In some pictures she looks good-ish and in others she looks like the first place winner of a Miss Gollum contest sponsored by The Faces of Meth School of Beauty. What’s LiLo’s prize? Well, a walk-on role in Bravo’s upcoming Real Housewives of Mordor, of course!
SEE MORE AT THE HOUSE OF DLISTED
Jacking For Posts: Coke Is A Joke
“I got Bobby by the pound, Whitney by the key, DJ Screw by the gallon, bitch the game belong to me.” – UGK
Bobbi Kristina took to her Twitter account to praise the J-man and dismiss rumors that she is in love with that white girl after pictures of her snorting what appears to be the remains of Ike Turner were published in that pillar of fine journalism the National Enquirer.
Everybody nose!
So, the photos of 18-year-old Bobbi Kristina with her nostril on a snort straw were given to the Enquirer by an ex-boyfriend who is trying to shame her into rehab. The leaker tells the Enquirer that coke isn’t the only stuff Bobbi Kris messes with. Apparently, she smokes weed, sucks down beer like a Mexican uncle and drinks Everclear. Whitney can cry for the receipts until her tonsils dry up and drop, but the pictures are straight out of the receipt printer.
BUT Bobbi Kris jumped off the mirror and jumped in front of a computer to take to her Twitter and tell her followers that it’s not what it looks like. IT WAS SALVIA DUST!
CONTINUE READING AT DLISTED!
DMX’s Wife Claims That He Was “Set Up”
The same tired expression you just gave your screen after reading the title of this post was my same reaction after listening to DMX’s wife Tashera Simmons try to justify her husband’s latest judicial mishap in Arizona on Streets Disciples Radio last month.
Mumrah and Tiny are a different breed, literally.
News Break: DMX Picked Up By Police Hours After Release?
Some people never learn. Just hours after DMX was released from prison after serving 18 days of a 90-day sentence, he was picked up by police again.
Hollyscoop can confirm exclusively that DMX was stopped for a vehicle code violation on Sunset Blvd, and was taken into police custody because he didn’t have a valid drivers license.
The incident happened on Sunset Blvd about a block away from the Viper room.
According to the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department, DMX, real name Earl Simmons, wasn’t booked last night, but he certainly faces some new charges. (source)
Crowd reaction via Kid Fury
Buzz Notes: Keyshia Cole’s Mom Frankie Lons Confirmed For ‘Celebrity Rehab’ Season 4
Keeping their pockets packed to the hilt and their coins stacked, VH1 and Dr. Drew Pinsky have decided to begin a new season of the hit series ‘Celebrity Rehab.’
Joining the likes of Rachel Uchitel (Tiger Woods’ jump-off and number one head mistress), Janice Dickerson, and other illustrious addicts is none other than BET’s matriarch media mogul Frankie Lons. Well known for her reality show coonery and public outings in which she appeared quite . . . well drunk, she will appear on the show to seek help for her addiction(s?) and to foster a new, healthy lifestyle.
Brandy and Ray-J thought they had the VH1 block on lock.
News Break: Area Thief Calls Office Supply Store With ‘High On Crack’ Apology And Returns Laptop
. . . That phone call probably sounded a lot like this.
Police say a man stole a laptop computer from an East Tennessee office supply store and then returned it after calling to apologize and say he was high on crack at the time of the theft.
The report obtained by The Daily Post-Athenian in Athens shows the laptop valued at $500 was returned Monday, three days after it was taken.
An employee at the Staples store in Athens, Brenda Pressley, said Tuesday that the man who returned the laptop has agreed to also pay for a security cable he cut. She said he is unemployed.
The man’s name is not in the police report, and no charges have been filed.
Pressley said returning the stolen computer shows that some people still have remorse about such actions and also shows “good judgment on his part.” (source)
And Now, A Code 13 Update From Frankie
Speaking into the same microphone used by The Great Darryl Nathan during the historic recording of “International Lover,” Frankie gives an update about manning up for the second season of her hit reality show before nominating Freddy O for an Image Award for being “the right type of blogger.” iConcur!
Rewind: K-Ci Electrifies The Stage
You don’t need MaryJ. Blige or that shady queen Kendu to tell you that K-Ci’s life is one big say something nice challenge. Watching his on stage antics is like driving pass the scene of a bad car accident. You can’t help but look over, lower your head, and then say a silent prayer.
The reigning prince of rocks and blunts shared the stage with his brother JoJo, Dru Hill, Changing Faces, Troop, Blackstreet, Guy, and other R&B acts from the 90’s to perform at The Blast From The Past concert in Atlanta over the weekend. Exclusive Access has a ton of pics from the evening that will leave you wanting to sell your mama’s sofa.
