Now this is the type of weekly bible study I should be attending to hear what thus says the Lord! Crunkster Stanky Leg Champ sent in a few feverish flicks from Single Ladies Sunday that made my blood pressure sky rocket to new heightss. Normally I would frown down upon this type of fuckery occurring on the sabbath but the spirit is moving me to think otherwise.  Let the church say amen!

THE DEVIL IS BUSY

Not only is Satan busy working he is moving at a feverish pace! This is what happens when the youth choir director goes out to the boom boom room over the weekend. The spirit of Christ moved the saints in the above clip to perform Danity Kane’s “Damage” during church service.

Jesus Christ had dreads so shake em!

My soul was murked during the choir’s dramatic cunt march to Zion so I almost didn’t make it past the 30 second mark. The lead singer’s raw emotion sent my blood pressure sky rocketing!  What next, Magnolia Shorty leading devotion? The children’s choir performing the stanky leg during offering? The church deaconesses sweeping the parking lot with their pussies to raise money for the Ladies Ministry Board? Just let me know so I can make sure to bring my digital camera!

I can’t wait until the gospel version of Cam’ron’s “Cookies And Apple Juice” to drop! Somebody tell Flex to drop a bomb on that bitch.

Sorry for all the Knowles coverage but this had to be posted. I can’t talk right now. Sez Michael from The Cynical Ones:

Oh joy, someone has combined two of my favorite people: God and Beyonce! This is some chuuch I can jig to. I don’t know if this is preacher strategy to let the Saturday night crowd know they’re still welcomed to afternoon services after they eat breakfast at 1:45 p.m. or what, but I think I love it.

Yes, if you read this entry earlier you notice that I’ve completely changed my tune. Let me keep it real: I was frontin’. I love this remix, but I worry if I’m on thin ice with the Lord. Last week I went to church for the first time in forever and I didn’t burst into flames. I didn’t want to get up and jig to this and have a piece of concrete fall on my head. That Old Testament wrath is vicious.

Shouts out to everybody who submitted this ultimate I Can Do All Things Through Yaki That Strengthens Me news story! I laughed, I cried, I exhaled.

Briana Bonds was complaining of a headache Thursday, but police say her tightly-woven hair weave kept it from being much worse.

“I believe he was trying to kill me, I think he was on something,” said Bonds.

Authorities were called to the Country View Market, 5802 Swope Parkway, around 11:30 p.m. Wednesday.

Arriving officers found Bonds there. She told police she had pulled into the market and saw 28-year-old Juan Kemp, with whom she had recently ended an eight-month relationship with, inside a car there.

A second man came up to the Bonds’ window and told her that Kemp still loved her, an incident report filed by the Kansas City Police Department said. Bonds told the second man “I don’t love him.”

At that time, Bonds told police she heard gunshots and saw Kemp walking toward the back of her car firing a handgun.

“He fired four or five shots at me, you don’t shot at someone you say you love,” said Bonds.

Bonds sped away in her vehicle as her back window shattered, police said.

She returned to the scene a moment later to witness both suspects leaving in their vehicle.

Officers found a spent bullet in Bonds’ hair and said her tightly-woven weave likely protected her from a more serious injury.

“I now believe the weave paused the bullet, and didn’t let it go any further. Really I think God was in my passenger seat. He protected me,” said Bonds.

Bonds was not seriously harmed and refused treatment at the scene.

Kemp and the second suspect were both taken into custody.

Kemp was charged Thursday with domestic assault and armed criminal action. [source]