From The C+D Vault: Hip-Hop History At The Oscars
Before you cry foul over Sandra Bullock’s best actress win and join Mookie in hurling an aluminum trash can through your neighborhood’s pizzeria take a moment to sit back and reflect on harder times.
Archive for the 'It Feels Good Being Black Don't It?' Category
The Talk Show Black America Has Been Waiting On
Taking a cue from The View, the mothers of Hip-Hop and R&B “greats” T-Pain, Lil Wayne, and Go-Go have decided to come together as one to impart wisdom on some of these wayward hoes walking around here.
The middle-aged sex kittens are set to produce a pilot soon for television networks. Prepare to clutch your pearls as the threesome breaks down hood fights from World Star Hip Hop and give tips on how to drive the stank out of your kitchen after cooking chitlins.
While many Black Americans pop their collars when speaking about President Obama they will need a crash course on accepting the sex appeal oozing from Mama Pain. Her Celebrity Seaborn five star status hair, tatted up hand, velvet pants, and stunting-on-you-hoes posture will have all the kids screaming her name but will surely be frowned down upon by the uppity crowd.
And that’s just the beginning of her problems.
An insider exclusively revealed to us after bible study last week that her Creole status is still up in the air, a problem that could potentially be devastating to her public image. But as long as she is as tough as the skin on her son’s bottom lip she will be just fine. Put her on your prayer list.
Flick via Rap Up
Question of the Day
Never mind the random floor fan and Wrangler jeans in the background. I have witnessed hundreds of inebriated strangers take their sexual frustrations out on each other on the dance floor but nothing quite like this. Is it better to be the licker or the lickee?
Required Reading: Never Mix Business With Pleasure
Crunkfam, why must I cry? Why hast thou forsaken me? And lastly, why have I been the one chosen to deliver all this preposterous ass news to you? I mean, really. This here shit I’m about to report to you is so outlandish and audacious that I had to put it in memorandum format. Yes yes ya’ll, it’s that serious. That said, let’s get it.
Columbus, Ohio. Home of the Ohio State Buckeyes, Shad “Lil Mama” Moss, Bizzy Bone, and…ONE. OF. THE DUMBEST. MUTHA. FUCKAS. ALIVE named Stephfon Bennett. Who dis here bastard you ask? Please allow me to elaborate.
Stephfon Bennett (no kin to Tony) is a menace to society who robs folks for a living. He and his friends live by that MC Eiht motto, “I gots ta get mine, so Imma take yours.” And that’s exactly what they did one Sunday afternoon when they decided to rob the home of Diana Martinez.
Martinez was parking her car in front of her apartment complex and chatting with a friend when Bennett and his insane clown posse barged inside her home and ransacked the place. Once they were done filling their bags with gold, frankincense, and flat screen TV’s, they fled the apartment and ran towards their getaway car. On the way there, Bennett noticed Martinez sitting in her car. For whatever dumb ass reason, he approached the vehicle and pointed a gun at her head through the window. Martinez screamed, flung the car door open, and slammed it into Bennett, creating quite the man down, code ten sitchiation. And here, my friends, is where the shit went left.
News Break
If your neighbor has a stable of bad female stallions who are always willing and ready to twerk and $1 Jell-o shots you make yourself look like a real lame for knocking their hustle by running your cum catcher to the cops about their secret underworld of fuckery. Way to screw up a good thing, Jim.
A Gwinnett County woman has been charged after police said they broke up a party at her house and discovered teenagers drinking and a possible strip club in her basement.
The house is located on the 1400 block of Purcell Road in Lawrenceville. It’s in a quiet neighborhood, but it wasn’t on the night of July 18, according to next door neighbor Jim Ferguson.
“It was like being downtown. There were so many folks that when I came out here and I was telling them to get off my lawn, I was just one person among the chaos,” said Ferguson. Ferguson said they were all young people and they were all apparently attending some party next door to him.
Police said the party was at the home of Constance Trahan, 28, who was arrested. Officers said she was not only selling alcohol to minors, but she was running what appeared to be an underground strip club. “The officers that did respond did see what appeared to be some sort of gentleman’s club or strip club that was being conducted at the time,” said Cpl. David Schiralli with the Gwinnett County Police Department.
Channel 2 Action News reporter Manuel Bojorquez obtained a police report which showed one officer told police there were dancers. The officer also said he found a sign advertising “$1 Jello shots.” Bojorquez knocked on the door but no one answered. Someone called police after Channel 2 Action News crews showed up at the house, but they wouldn’t answer the door for the officer either.
The Look of Love
Many people were wondering last week when and if Frankie was going to introduce her 22 year old fiancee Mon to the world after getting his name tatted about that ass. The young lad accompanied his cougar to V-103’s Car & Bike Show over the weekend in the A. Do you approve?
Friday Fuckery: News Break
Normally when you fine felines of Crunkland send me to the wasteland that is MediaTakeOut I have to don a special bedazzled Hazmat of Dereon suit to shift through the bullshit but I put myself in harm’s way to bring you the following news break.
Oakland police authorities are investigating a fight between to roses that grew from the concrete inside of a hair salon. Melissa Seals waited about a month before going to the police and only after family members urged her to come forward after being kicked and beaten by a group of women in her salon.
The culprit behind all this fuckery? You guessed it, dick.
SAD LIL’ MAMA FACE RATING [OUT OF 5]
