Under normal circumstances I would throw my laptop out of the window and take a nap for the rest of the day after resizing Nick Cannon’s crustache down to more palatable pixels but I am going to go against my better judgment this time.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are about to be parents twice over. Nick revealed that he and his wife are expecting twins.

“My wife at one time, she referred to her stomach as they and that probably wasn’t the wrong thing for her to do. That’s all I’m gonna say,” he told “E! News.” The “America’s Got Talent” host also mentioned “new additions” to his family in an online holiday greeting card.

The babies are due early next year, but Nick wouldn’t disclose their gender. (Rap-Up)

Its been a second since Mimikins has released a music video that didn’t immediately make me erupt into a violent fit of laughter — and from the looks of things its going to be a smooth minute before that happens again. Green screen monstrosities have got to stop in 2011.

Via The House of FourFour:

Mariah Carey spent about six hours yammering on HSN yesterday, hawking her perfume/jewelery/Christmas album/shoes and complaining about her pregnancy. I watched all of it. Above is everything you possibly would need to know about it — except for her constant talk about the need to layer lotion underneath perfume, because frankly, that was boring. The rest of it was wondrously fascinating (not really, but I mean, I watched it all). The woman knows how to talk, but even better than that, she knows how to repeat herself. Aw!

Mariah Carey has been spotted looking like a cold slab of uncooked bacon in recent weeks, sparking rumors that she is expecting her first child with husband Nick Cannon. Her sudden withdrawal from Tyler Perry’s film adaptation of the 1975 play For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf last week added more fuel to the flames.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss her personal life at this time,” Carey’s spokeswoman Cindi Berger said, declining to give a reason for Mimikin’s departure.

During an appearance on E! last Thursday, Nick Cannon told the network that a member of their family was indeed expecting. “I do want to make a big announcement right here on Daily 10,” he told a reporter. “My Jack Russell terrier puppy Cha Cha is pregnant again!”

And there you have it.

It comes as a no mistake that a commercial for Pepto-Bismol was shown prior to the first time I watched this Target commercial of a fucking video. Blame Vevo. Nausea, heartburn, indigestion! Upset stomach, diarrhea!

SKEET OR DELETE?

With her lambs looking on in fear that she may take a Scarlett-like tumble from the sky, Mariah Carey arrived in princess style at her concert at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel in Hollywood, Florida on Thursday. Aretha needs to get on the fast track to weight loss so she can make the same entrance at this year’s BET Awards. In the immortal words of Eightball, stop playing games hoe.

Until that happens, here’s a little Friday bonus for you to enjoy.

Mimikins is stiffer than rigormortis dick but her dancers always overcompensate for her lack of sweet moves. Werk whores!

In between giggles and burps, a tipsy Mariah Carey accepted her award for Breakthrough Actress Performance for her performance in Precious at the 2010 Palm Springs International Film Festival gala on Tuesday night. Director Lee Daniels tried to make light of Mimi’s obvious drunk behavior but his demeanor said it all. This one is for all the kittens and lambs [namely Nick Cannon] out there!

From a queen to a diva, this is the shit, well, you know, Saturday Night Live sketches are made of. iLive in HD!

The only thing missing is a Carls Jr. cheezburger.

I tried to close my eyes and click my heels twice to turn these pictures of Mariah Carey frolicking around on set of “H.A.T.E.U.” into a behind the scenes video of the Summer 2010 campaign for Ashley Stewart but my lamb power is obviously running low today.

All the butterflies and unicorns in the world can’t stop Mooriah Carey from showing off her God given curves [that's what we are calling them from now on] to anybody that will look. You’re looking, you’re looking! On a more serious note, I can only imagine the types of Pixar Studio shit that will have to be done in post edit. Visit Dlisted for more puppy power!

Mariah Carey and her “girls” almost pulled a Scarlett while being introduced on Leno’s late night show earlier this week. Sanrio’s favorite customer, however, was able to compose herself and keep it moving. Waving and smiling as if nothing ever happened, our favorite 5-octave singer who exists in a perpetual state of adolescence lives to go on to fight the good fight for the lambs. Expect Eminem to compose a diss song about this occurrence in the coming days.

Mimikins has been quiet as a church mouse since receiving a lyrical beat down from Marshall Mathers and putting on a tired, uninspired live performance on her husband’s show [which is also rumored to have been pre-recorded].

Word on the curb is that her new album, Memoirs of a Husky Angel, has not only been pushed back but she  has canceled all upcoming promotion.

Roll that beautiful bean footage!

Mariah has canceled her appearance on the TODAY show which was previously scheduled for August 28, 2009 and will be replaced by Miley Cyrus, NBC has announced today.

This is one of many recent postponements and cancellations of recently scheduled events: VH1 Storytellers, Clear Channel Tribeca show, Receiving Walk of Fame Hollywood Star, The Today Show and the MTV Video Music Awards.

Mariah’s management and record label are unwilling to divulge any information regarding the cancelled events but we suspect the reason is another postponement of Mariah’s new album release date. It appears to be that Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel will not be released on September 15, 2009, but at a later, currently unknown date.

Some say she is shook due to her ongoing beef with Eminem while others believe its because Whitney Houston is back feeling like a million dollar bill. What do you think?