Rewind: ‘Bad Girls Club’ Fuckery
If you were to compare Oxygen’s Bad Girls Club to a high school hierarchy, Flo would be the lesbian captain of the girls basketball team sitting at the head of the cafeteria table. That is all.
Archive for the 'I Ain't Gonna Tell Your Ass Again' Category
You Can’t Blame Diddy For This One
Aubrey O’Day would show up to an opening of a box of Lactaid Ultra if it meant that her picture would be taken. Instead of going quietly into the night like Cheri Dennis, the former Danity Kane member is playing a terrible hand in the relevancy game by transforming herself [most noticeably face] and writing occasional blogs for Global Grind.
Girl, I guess.
Required Reading: The Only Thing I Wish? I Wish A Burglar Would…
Crunkfam! It’s ya girl Denise Wheatley reporting live from this here comprutah screen. I almost went Ye on ya’ll asses and titled this post “Fuck the Essence Blog Awards” since they opted to leave C+D off of it. But then I said nah, Umma have some class about myself and let that go. Fresh is one of the most stanned bloggers out here (I not only contribute, I’m the fan club president) and that says it all. That said, lemme step my ass down off of this here soapbox and tell you some of the funniest shit I dun heard in awhile. Let’s get it!
Montgomery, Alabama. Home of the Civil Rights Movement, the Rosa Parks victory, the late great Nat King Cole, and two muthafuckin G’s named Adrian and Tiffany McKinnon. Who you ask? Please allow me to elaborate.
Adrian and Tiffany McKinnon are a nice, brutiful, hard-working married couple who one day decided to take a well-deserved vacation. Little did they know that upon their return home, they would be greeted by a ransacked house, which was the result of a nasty break-in.
When the McKinnons realized they’d been robbed, Adrian sent a teary-eyed Tiffany off to her sister’s house so he could sift through the messy piles that the burglar had left behind. As he entered the sunroom to assess the damage there, BAM! Adrian ran smack dab into Tajuan Bullock (no kin to Annie Mae), the culprit of all this madness. To add insult to injury, the fucker was twerkin with the slow bop (c) Reginae Carter through Adrian’s crib wearing one of his hats, and even had it stylishly cocked to the right. And here, my friends, is where the shit went left.
The Creole Cartel Clocks Another Victim
Hulk Hogan’s oldest son was scheduled to perform alongside Sean Kingston and LMFAO at Party 105’s Mega Jam Concert last week before pulling out at the last minute [now is not the time to have dick on the brain] after suffering anxiety attacks along with some other medical ailments, according to reports.
But we all know better than that.
Brooke was probably held up in her hotel room straight shook after reading all of the responses by Queen Crawfish Bisque’s throng of loyal fans after video from her little interview with DJ Whoo Kid hit the net. It’s all smiles and giggles until Mama Tina overnights a roots box straight to your front door.
Required Reading: Bury Him A Freak
Greetings Crunkland! It’s ya girl Denise Wheatley, back in the building to report more despicable acts of fuckery taking place all around the world. Let’s get it!
Seattle, Washington. Home of the great Bill Gates, Grunge music, Grey’s Anatomy, and two nasty ass bastards named James Tait and Kenneth Pinyan. Who you ask? Please allow me to elaborate.
Tait and Pinyan are two perverts who happily resided in Seattle, where the act of bestiality (sexual relations between a human and an animal) was once legal (you already know where I’m going with this guttah butt story). Late one summer evening, the freaky twosome decided to break into a neighbor’s farm, which doubled as an animal brothel, and partake in a little anal sex with a big Arabian stallion named Bullseye.
Tait bravely went in first, face down, ass up. When he was done, Pinyan eagerly stepped in, saddled up and assumed the position. Tait grabbed his video camera and began filming the dastardly deed. And here, my friends, is where the shit went left.
We All Look Alike
Well, according to Wireimage [and Getty, Wenn, Splash, and the rest of the photo agencies]. Here is Marvette Britto with some man that the agency confused with Star Jones’ ex-husband Al Reynolds at the CNN’s Black in America 2 premiere. The Real Al [A-luh, SAY IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!] was pictured sitting alongside Monsterosa and Darryl ‘Chill’ Mitchell while promoting the TV One ‘Life After’ series at the TCA Presentation a week later.
Oh really Wireimage? Just because someone is the same skin-tone, wears glasses, and have a woman by their side that could either be their wife or 5th Avenue shopping buddy doesn’t mean that they are Al Reynolds. If you are unfamiliar with someone, just ask them who they are. Don’t get reckless when you get back to the studio and process the film with your photog buddies, and proclaim “They all look alike, so it doesn’t matter.” And how could you get those two mixed up? Al wouldn’t be caught dead in that jacket. It is so last season.
Young Windexx Gets Off Easy
Boy those gangster rappers can get away with bloody murder.
MTV.com reports that window licker extraordinaire JoJo Simmons pleaded guilty to a single charge of disorderly conduct on Thursday in connection with a drug-related arrest in May.
News Break
I see absolutely nothing wrong with any of this. If your significant other attempted to serve you some undercooked and burnt bullshit it should be your right to hurl something at their dome. Go Go Gadget Granny!
A southwest Florida woman was arrested after deputies said she assaulted her 71-year-old common-law husband after he complained about her cooking. A Lee County Sheriff’s Office arrest report shows 66-year-old Meredith Hart Mulcahy was charged with battery on an elderly person Tuesday night.
Deputies said the man got into an argument with her about undercooked potatoes and burnt bread. He went to the bedroom and began eating, and authorities said the woman then threw a phone at him.
Deputies said Mulcahy became belligerent in the back seat of the patrol car and told them that she “burned the bread she was cooking because she was so intoxicated.” She was in the Lee County Jail on Wednesday pending a $1,500 bond. [source]
Quick Quotes
“You need to check your heart condition because it is filled with murder . . . your love has been but costly and deadly . . . Murder I say is the verdict. Why do you insist on assisting the devil?”
- – Tyler Perry’s accused stalker Dawne Wilson in an email to Tyletta back in April 2008
Show You How To Do This Son
If there is one thing I can appreciate about Heidi and Spencer its that they don’t front about frontin’ for the cameras. A bitch got singles on iTunes that she is trying to hustle, hellur! Her man is trying his best to help her out, and if that means putting on a spectacle for the paparazzi lenses so be it. Just as long as their is a plate of hot food and a warm vagina at the end of the day its all good.
I suggest Christina Milian and The Dream take notes. If you want attention [and we all know you do] this is the proper way to do it. Simply walking down the streets while holding hands isn’t going to cut it any more.
CHRISTINA MILIAN ‘ELOPE’ ALBUM LISTENING
[Flicks via Rap-Up]
