Crunk + Disorderly » Hoe Sit Down . . . And Close Your Legs

Skeet or Delete: Plies – Becky

Kid Fury — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:36:57 +0000

Kid Fury again, folks!

Now, normally the tunes of Algernod will invoke the gay goon in me and I’ll drop my buttered biscuits to the floor in glee when the DJ plays his records. This new shit, “Becky”, is a bit too much for me, though. I thought this was going to be some sort of euphemism for crack/cocaine or maybe a song about white girls with small dogs and good credit! Imagine my surprise when Algae started rapping about getting his pickle licked. Get into this lyrical excerpt.

Babbit pussy ain’t my style/fire head make me smile/put that mayonnaise on your chile/you gotta be grown to fuck with Plies/the longer you suck the longer I wild.

Please, don’t play this shit at work, unless you have headphones. I don’t want anybody thinking that you’re giving your boss suckie-suckie for a raise and a new parking space. Sorry, Plies, but if this song comes on in the club, I will be sitting with the bathroom attendant until it ends. I can already see the nignorance. Girls flashing coochie on the bar, sex shows going on in dark corners. I vote no. I bet Dorion’s dick wrote this shit.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

Kid Fury’s Words of Wisdom

Kid Fury — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 20:46:11 +0000

Good afternoon, Crunksters! Kid Fury, here! It’s been a while since I came to the wonderful world of C+D, but I decided to return in a new light. I want to drop a few tips, tricks, and words of advice in hopes that I may change a few lives. Lord knows, we could all use a change. My first order of business will be to address the following:

10.03.08 — The club is NOT your personal photoshoot!

Granted, we all love to take pictures in the party atmosphere, but some of these dirty toe heffas take things too far. Just because there is a man or woman running around the club with a camera, doesn’t mean you need to pull off all that top model shit — Click, Flash, Move Your Ass! There is no need to be spread the fuck out on people’s furniture, or do leg lifts by the mega fan in the back to let your coochie breathe. I won’t even get started on the booty shots. Besides, from what I’ve seen on these sites, most of the chicks doing it look like the back of a foot.

All in all, I simply ask that if you feel the need to take pictures in the club, just give a simple classy pose. Save all the other shit for your disposable Kodak camera and the privacy of your own home. Thank you.

Hello Kitty

Fresh — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 21:03:34 +0000

I’m not even going to address your cousins today. For additional fuckery from your family please visit You Know You Dead Azz Wrong at its new spot.

That’s How People Catch Mono Now

Fresh — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:50:55 +0000

“Two red bones kissing in the backseat / girl don’t stop, keep going / that relaxes me / you want me to join in then ask me / I like girls who like girls that attracts me” – - Lil Boosie, “They Dyking”

That “I Kissed A Girl” song would be too easy to reference to right now so I chose Boosie Bad Azz instead. I told you I quote him in my daily activities because I am deep like that!

Everybody’s favorite attention whore Danity Kane member Aubrey O’Day was photographed last night outside of New York City club Butter sucking face with heiress / model Lydia Hearst-Shaw. I mean, it would be different if they were some true lesbians; I really wouldn’t give a shit. But since they are clearly doing this for attention I am going to have to ask them both to have a seat.

I’m not going to be ignorant and say that YT women only fall victim to this because your cousins get in the action too. I was at bible study last week and I took pictures of it because I couldn’t believe the shit. I went to high school with these two . . . I can’t.

[Flicks via Just Jared]

Here We Ho Again

Fresh — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:06:00 +0000

Here We Ho Again

I know you are getting tired of hearing about this chick so I will make it quick. Karrine Steffans talked about Eddie Winslow’s wang size, shaking the Superhead label, abortions, Tigger’s anus (or “rosebud” if you’re nasty), and other disgusting things with Wendy Williams and Charlamagne. The first part of the interview is MIA but if you know where the url is hit me up in the comment section.

Part Two // Part Three

[audio via Rhymes With Snitch]

Ho’ing Is The Best Thing Going

Fresh — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 21:06:00 +0000

Ho’ing Is The Best Thing Going

The stomach churning sexual exploits of good ol’ Superhead are making headlines again. I would be ashamed of myself if I had that many miles on my snatch but to each its own. Here are a few of my favorites. Brace yourself, you’re going to need a pap smear after this.

Via NYDN:

- Mike Tyson, she writes, “loves the same way he fights: hard and rough. His kisses are like uppercuts, and his lovemaking is like a title match. And as he proved against Evander Holyfield, Mike Tyson is a biter. His passion manifested through pain as … I endured the extreme force of his 200-pound frame colliding into mine, he kissed, sucked and bit me overzealously. I was in excruciating pain as we continued in this manner for several hours. At the end, I was covered in bruises and bite marks and vowed to never have sex with him again.”

- She denounces those vicious rumors that she came between Eric Benet and Halle Berry, and Chris and Malaak Rock. She also maintains she didn’t have sex with Whitney Houston’s husband, Bobby Brown, though she says, “I kept Bobby close to my heart.” Meeting after a time apart, “he embraced me as I whispered, ‘I love you,’ and he returned, ‘I love you, too.’” But she says Brown later told “me I had done nothing for him, while he was sleeping in my home, eating my food, driving my car and spending my money.” After a tryst with Ray J, she told Brown that the rapper claimed he’d added Whitney’s name to his bedpost. “I could hardly wait to get the news out, to tear [Bobby's] heart apart and hurt him the way he hurt me, I wanted him to go to bed that night with the image of his wife with another man.”

- Jamie Foxx told her, “Damn, you’re pretty!” when they met. “When Jamie Foxx offers to massage your body at four in the morning, after a bottle of Champagne and two shots of Patron, it’s hard to say no,” she writes. However, Jamie soon figured out she was “that Karrine.” Foxx ran in the other direction, leaving the author “depressed. Jamie had no idea that he made me cry all the way home and in the days that followed.”

- Comic Bill Maher delivered her greatest heartache. “In January of 2006, Bill and I split. Three days later, I suffered an emotional breakdown and was sent to the hospital for psychiatric observation. I cut my wrists and started drinking myself into an emotional tailspin. At the end of the night, the love of my life was gone and so was my son, Naiim,” taken away by Child Services.