The parties responsible for giving the above magazine cover the greenlight should be suspended with no pay then scattered, covered and smothered like hash browns. Somebody needs to go to the house for this.

Listen, Dana’s transformation from burly stud into glamazon when the payday calls for it is something I have always appreciated (I love good drag), but this computer generated, create-a-player shit is dwrong on all levels. Just look at that arm. Mr. Steal Your Girl deserves more than this “fuck effort” move.

God save the Queen.

IN THIS MONTH’S ISSUE OF ESSENCE…

“… People say I’m going to be the next Oprah. No. Oprah is still Oprah. I’ll be the next me. I feel like there’s always a
lane for me as long as I’m true to myself… ” -Queen Latifah

HOW DANA BECAME QUEEN

For over 20 years she has empowered us with her music, inspired us with her fashion sense and graced us with her beauty. Now the woman who honorably proclaims the name “Queen” shares how she grew up to reign as hip-hop and Hollywood royalty.

The Good: In lieu of birthday gifts, Sole’s daughter Cypress requested that guests attending her Sweet 16 party donate money to the Somaly Mam Foundation (www.somaly.org), an organization committed to ending modern day slavery in North America and around the world. Her charitable act raised $2,000.

The Bad: Ginuwine continued to stunt on all hoes within a 30 mile radius. He knows what he is doing.

The Ugly: The obvious. Sole set herself up for an infinite amount of “Who Dat” jokes.

Via Hello Beautiful:

Now, we know this video doesn’t reveal much because Matt Kemp was not caught kissing this girl, but it’s his behavior that has us wondering.

The girl in the video clearly isn’t a stranger to Matt, but if they’re just friends, why won’t he acknowledge her when she calls his name?

And why, without saying a word or responding to her question, does he bolt in the other direction when she comes near him?

He wouldn’t have looked so suspicious if he just acted normal once he saw the cameras around!

Welp.

For the upcoming June/July issue of Vibe, The Nickster decided to fly her freak flag once more and appear like an apparition from the colored people’s version of Willy Wonka.

I guess she allowed Bow Wow to do her make-up for the cover. I hope you guys didn’t think Lil Wayne signed him for his rapping skills.

(Images courtesy of  Straight From The A)

Is Derek Blanks too busy giving his other clients the star treatment to photoshop your pain away? Having a hard time finding a reliable glam squad to make your face beat up their Sonia Kashuk brushes? Look no further than photog Michael Antonio and his crew to give you life, and give it to you more abundantly!

Anybody who can morph this

into creole magnificence and radiance can snatch up my hard earned dollars any day.

These exclusive Straight From The A shots of EBT’s top rated mother and daughter duo were preliminary snaps taken at a photo shoot for a new line of puppy chow SB Shades.

Now you’ve officially been chopped and screwed.

This was so ratchet that it was in need of an immediate back and fourth conversation after I laid my eyes on it last night.

Youngsinick: This looks like the kind of ad Designer Impostors should be running.

Fresh: This is so disrespectful to real bitches like Bryan Boy.

Youngsinick: To be sexy. To be flirty. To be glam. She should’ve added “To be photoshopped.”

Fresh: JuJuBee needs to come read this bitch. I mean seriously. “You say that you are legendary . . .  but all I see is legs and dairy.” Did you see that episode of Rupaul’s Drag Race?

Youngsinick: Nah, I watch my drag queens the old fashioned way: Gay clubs on Sunday.

Fresh: Tucked, plucked, and ready to be fucked.

Youngsinick: That’s a much better tagline for her fragrance.

And with this shit today’s fuckery just broke even.

The good kids in the cafeteria say that this is a publicity still of Tiny and Toya but the ginger featured can’t possibly be the same person that appears as my background on Twitter. Like Usher’s new album I’m just not buying it.

*squints eyes* Shawty don’t chop me, shawty don’t screw me.

[via Sandra Rose]

Looking for a quick and easy way to remove bullet wounds, tattoos, and fug? I’m not sure if there is an app for that quite yet but there damn sure is a photoshop brush that can wipe the slate clean.

Ayo technology game proper.

With a body as chiseled as Sheree’s mandible, Curtis is almost unrecognizable in the new ad for his Power By 50 Cent cologne. He has been known to hurl a plasma television or two out of an office window in his day when upset about his business endeavors, so I’m not understanding how we got to this point. This shit looks like a flyer for corporate thug night at Traxx. Nevertheless, Southside til I die . . . or until the check clears.

Shouts out to Gimme Dat Becky [the names just get better and better] for sending this one in!

Khloe Kardashian didn’t get an edgy makeover but the cover for Adam Lambert’s debut album For Your Entertainment could easily be passed off as a Lisa Frank notebook.

Just in time for Christmas a new French Loreal ad has been released featuring none other than the royal creole, Beyonce Giselle Knowles. This promotion was released to the public after Queen Crawfish Bisque was announced as the Billboard Woman of the Year [she never sleeps].

In the ad, she is giving us luminous eyes, lace fronts, sparkles, shiny pantyhose, and all the other shit the kids I’m sure will enjoy. Silver and gold, y’all. BECAUSE YOU’RE WORTH IT.