Archive for the 'Girl Bye!' Category

Jacking For Posts: Baltimore, Get Your Girl

Harpo, who this woman?

Judging from the way she pronounced “YouTube” it was easy to peg her as a resident of Baltimore Baldamo, Murrland. Or as she and other choice locals like to call it, Bodymore, Murderland. With a nickname like that it’s no wonder the town also branded as Charm City is such a tourist haven.

Let me quit clowning before I get a bunch of hollow points left in my comment section. Some of my favorite people on Earth are from Baltimore. This girl, however, isn’t one of them.

To be fair, she’s not a bad rapper at all. She has some issues with breath control but given the size of her stomach I can understand why. That’s either a baby in her belly or a 20 piece nugget at McDonalds.

If it’s the latter, I can’t blame her: A deal is a deal. Had a friend not told me one late night on a post-club excursion to Mickey D’s, “Michael do you really want to eat that?” I might have fallen victim myself. Still, let’s not make reference to calories in our rhymes. Less is more. Figuratively and literally, baby.

Nevertheless rapper Keys’ eating habits or baby making plans aren’t the problem, her pushing beef for publicity is.

Although I’m fallen under Nicki Minaj’s spell I can see why some people still don’t like her. The Barbie thing is a stretch for someone to push at her age, but evidently it’s working. Working so well Keys took the time to film a video in front of the projects to diss the hell out of her.

Maybe it’s because I’ve already contemplated legally changing my name to Mickey Minaj for at least six months for the hell of it, but I don’t think this girl’s diss is all that impressive.

Yes, she can spit but she’s essentially calling Nicki Minaj childish and saying she’s too old for toys yet she’s ranting about busting guns and robbing folks.

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Rewind: Que Serves Fever In Response To Rumors

Instead of hashing out their issues by pulsating their pussies in unison on a cardboard box in front of the Bad Boy offices like dignified sistas from another mista Que and Willie went back back fourth and fourth over Que’en being booted from Day 26 in the negro “media.” Necole Bitchie did a fine job at breaking that whole situation down but me? I can’t and I won’t.

But I will share Que’s desperate pleas with you. What he needs from you is understanding. And acting lessons.

That’s the gotcha gotcha.

Freeze Frame: Lil’ Wayne’s Afterbirth Album Cover

wayne Freeze Frame: Lil Waynes Afterbirth Album Cover

A bug’s fucking life.

Lil’ Wayne finally has a due date that doesn’t require  him to watch placenta hit the floor. After several setbacks his rock album will hit stores on December 15. I am sending a mass text to all my white friends as we speak. Couldn’t he just buy more t-shirts from Hot Topic and call it a day?

Quick Flicks: Vivica A. Fox At Mr. Chow

viv2 Quick Flicks: Vivica A. Fox At Mr. Chow

Vivica, like any other whore for propaganda, loves to spend whatever little monies they have to go to places where the paparazzi is sure to find them. Amazing how people lives revolves around what letter of the alphabet they can be categorized in.

She was photographed exiting Mr. Chow’s [that food can't be that good] looking like she didn’t want to photographed at first, but then realized that playing hard to get doesn’t pay the bills, and smiled. I guess she feels that since she doesn’t have to pay paps to follow her like Gabrielle and Ciara [and Rihanna before "Umbrella," nobody was checking her], she is still in the C-lister category in Hollywood. TRAGIC.

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Joe, The Textbook Case of a Dramatic Cunt

I have nothing against Joe other than the fact that he has the personality of an unused coffee filter. A cunty unused coffee filter. During an interview on Shade 45’s Lip Service the R&B crooner went all Kanye-esque [add it to your lexicons] after being paused for calling a vagina a bad boy before storming out. Girl, you be keeping your temper under control and shit.

*clanks two empty milk bottles together*

Not one to follow in the footsteps of fish, the equally irrelevant Chico DeBarge stuck around for the fun. Good for that guy for not being a wet blanket, shame on Joe for setting himself up for even more lip ash jokes.

Somewhere, Eminem is Seething . . .

. . . but don’t fret folks. He’s probably throwing a smile in there every moment or two. Last night on America’s Got Talent, Mariah performed her new single “Obsessed.” Just like every performance of Mariah was in the last couple of years, it was boring, contrived, forced, and just forgettable.

Not throwing Mariah under the bus, but I feel that she’s better than the crap that she has been putting out lately. Voices change and although she may not be able to hit those 5-octaves easily [Minnie Riperton did it and she didn’t falter, but that’s another conversation], she can still do age appropriate material [Willona Woods] and still have the people jumping. Also, lip-syncing? Hell, even the Barbadian sings live.

Another one bites the dust.

Review: Making His Band

mhb Review: Making His Band

To be truthful, I don’t like the new MTV. It is a farce, and a parody of its former glory. However, I do tune in from time to time to catch True Life, and other fuckery that seems to catch my wondering eye.

Last night was the premiere of “Making His Band” a new conceptual [its ok, you can laugh, I laughed my ass off too] project from Sean Combs. The show mainly features a group of young musicians [singers, keyboardists, guitarists, drummers, and a violinist] as they compete for the chance to tour with Kim Porter’s sperm donor as he travels to promote his latest album, “Last Train to Paris”. I must say, I really enjoyed watching real musicians use real instruments [Fuck You Autotune!] as I myself [while not assisting Fresh in contributing to fuckery] play a bit of piano and guitar.

My favorite scenes from last night included watching Combs go to his fellow queen Andre Harrell [say it like you mean it!] for advice and of course, the unveiling of the newest star in the universe, Jaila Simms. “She” of course has a secret, but you kids should have taken the plunge and watch the show last night to know what it is. Hailing from Chicago, like another Diva [K. Omari West] she was able to serenade her way into Diddy’s heart, and is quite possibly, America’s next sweetheart. Tune in next week and get a piece but for those of you who can’t wait get a taste of Jaila’s honey below.

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