Archive for the 'Don't Be Mad UPS Is Hiring' Category

Jacking For Posts: YouTube Wives

Posted by Fresh on June 6, 2011

Disclaimer: The video below contains lots and lots of cursing not to mention speech that will have you suddenly thinking about buckets of chicken.

Doesn’t this make you want to hug a copy of O magazine at the grocery store?

I blame Her Royal Crunkness, Fresh, for bringing this to my attention. I haven’t a clue as to who this girl is, but only a few minutes into watching the clip could I figure out her deal. Before you even ask, of course I didn’t watch all 13 minutes of her diatribe. In recent months I’ve had both an eye and ear infection. I’ve made a vow not to try my luck. Still, when things like this come my way I can’t help but comment — mainly because I know this video is the latest incarnation of a growing phenomenon.

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Rewind: Donald Trump Sends The Negro Women Folk Packing

Posted by CRUNK STAFF on May 10, 2011

app1 Rewind: Donald Trump Sends The Negro Women Folk Packing

Sunday night Donald Trump pulled an Auntie Al and shaved Star Jones from the cast of Celebrity Apprentice. Joining the pretentious ex-prosecutor in dismissal was La Toya Jackson. Sadly, that means no more sights of Victory tour suits or Star Jones’ leftover arm fat. Blame Barack?

Though Star and Toy Toy were given the boot, NeNe The Nose took out of competition after accusing President Obama’s bottom bitch of giving Star preferential treatment. In response, Trump turned to the camera to tell Linnithia, “I say, you’re fired. And you’re a quitter. Star Jones kicked your ass whether you liked it or not.”

Making never knowing when to shut up her trademark, NeNe told Access Hollywood: “I’d rather be around people who love and care for me. I don’t want to be in toxic situations, So, I decided to say, ‘Bye,’ because I don’t think you have to be backstabbing and lying and manipulative to raise money for a charity… we’re not on ‘Survivor!’”

Girl, the devil doesn’t need you down there. It’s probably already crowded as hell in Satan’s lair.

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Watch This: We’ll Always Love Big Poppa

Posted by Fresh on May 6, 2011

The Fader:

You know what made Big Kap, a great DJ? A major fuck up. Or at least that’s how he tells it. In the summer of ’95 Kap headed out to San Francisco with Biggie and some of Junior M.A.F.I.A to perform at the annual KMEL Summer Jam. But what was set to be a hugely successful headlining show, turned out to be a challenge in light of the extreme heat. Kap blames it on the heat, and Big blamed it on Kap.

“I’m throwing the records and it’s like, alright, cool we’re going through it. But it’s so hot the heat is actually warping the records. The records is melting! So the records are warping right before me and it’s just like woooommp,” explains DJ Kap. “And Big looking at me. We had this thing like, every time you make a mistake on stage during the show, you get fined $100. So during the show, Big heard the first womp, and he was like ‘A hundred dollars!’ The record is crumbling up right before my eyes.”

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Buzz Notes: VH1 Reps Deny Amber Rose Reality Show

Posted by Fresh on April 26, 2011

amber sofa Buzz Notes: VH1 Reps Deny Amber Rose Reality Show

A major component in Amber Rose’s plan to extend her 15 minutes hinged securely on her exploiting the perks of rapper dick starring in her own reality series documenting the daily grind at her Las Vegas eyewear boutique tentatively titled ‘Behind Her Shades’. Although a pilot is currently in the process of being shopped around at various television networks a rep for VH1 tells MTV News that they have no current information on the show.

Welp, in the immortal words of Dwayne Wayne’s mama, somebody loves you baby and you know who it is. They just don’t work at VH1.

I’m sure Amber will retreat to her Twitter account to address the “haters” but it is what it is. Filet mignon today, turkey burgers tomorrow, and Michelina’s frozen dinners for the rest of the week — but at least a bitch is still eating.

Now, sashay away.

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Rumor: Is Usher’s Girlfriend Trying To Fire His Entire Staff?

Posted by Fresh on April 11, 2011

usher punt Rumor: Is Ushers Girlfriend Trying To Fire His Entire Staff?

Kicking bitches out the condo like Pam, indeed.

We all know that there is something about women in authoritative positions that sets off Usher’s hallow walls like there is a motion sensor attached . . . but damn? Word on the curb is that his latest love interest, girlfriend Grace Miguel, is sweet talking her way into a super sticky situation.

Sources tell Page Six that the 43-year-old former Def Jam executive (who now acts as his co-manager and stylist) is urging her boo to clear out his staff — which includes stylists, choreographers and tour managers — and replace them with her people.

sadt Rumor: Is Ushers Girlfriend Trying To Fire His Entire Staff? sadt Rumor: Is Ushers Girlfriend Trying To Fire His Entire Staff? sadt Rumor: Is Ushers Girlfriend Trying To Fire His Entire Staff?

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Calling Fowl: Flavor Flav’s Fried Chicken Joint Employees Claim Their Paychecks Bounced

Posted by Fresh on April 4, 2011

ffc Calling Fowl: Flavor Flavs Fried Chicken Joint Employees Claim Their Paychecks Bounced

Disgruntled employees (read: Diddy’s aforementioned abandoned puppies) at Flav’s Fried Chicken say their paychecks are bouncing all over town like Dr. Bobby Jones in a cherry thong on the back of a motorcycle during Black Beach Week, but Flavs dismisses the complaints as screams from the haters. Finger lickin’ foolery.

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Barry Bonds’ Ex Side Chick To Testify About His Shrinking Testicles And ‘Sexual Dysfunction’ At Trial

Posted by Fresh on March 25, 2011

jumooff Barry Bonds Ex Side Chick To Testify About His Shrinking Testicles And Sexual Dysfunction At Trial

This is what happens when you don’t follow Terius Nash’s instructions to give a quarter to your side chick.

Kimberly Bell,  ex-mistress to Barry Bonds during his playing days with the San Francisco Giants, is expected to take the stand early next week to testify to changes she witnessed in the star player, including hair loss, sexual dysfunction, testicular shrinkage and violent behavior at his perjury trial.

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Day Late, Dollar Short: The Problem With (Ciara’s) Lazy Stans

Posted by Fresh on February 10, 2011

ci1 Day Late, Dollar Short: The Problem With (Ciaras) Lazy Stans

Stans who consistently show their support for an artist on blogs but can’t be bothered to get up and make an in-store purchase slay me to no end. They would rather leave blood on the dance floor inside of comment sections than put their money where their keystrokes are. Instead, they set up Google Alerts anticipating criticism about their idols flopping around like fish out of water knowing that they played a prominent role in the failed mission.

It’s no secret Ciara’s last album went quadruple sponge roller. Maybe she relied on tuck defying dance moves  on daytime talk shows too much to serve as promotion. Maybe the album itself is no good because she rushed the project to go bellhop for Kim Kardashian. Maybe she’s just uninspired at this point in her career.

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Try It Again Queen: Omarion Commits A Cardinal R&B Sin

Posted by Fresh on February 3, 2011

jodeci1 Try It Again Queen: Omarion Commits A Cardinal R&B Sin

If your menstrual cycle is running behind schedule, Omarion “coming for all you niggas” with his 2011 rendition of the Jodeci classic “Come And Talk To Me” will knock it right on.

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Girl, You Tried It: A Quick Read For Omarion

Posted by Fresh on September 16, 2010

omarion1 Girl, You Tried It: A Quick Read For Omarion

Just because you come highly recommended from Dwayne Carter & Associates doesn’t mean we are going to let you apply for candidacy, honeysuckle. Especially since the paperwork you have submitted is full of errors, and most notably, late.

omarion2 Girl, You Tried It: A Quick Read For Omarion

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