Yes, You Care: The Onion Pissed The Internet Off Today With An Article Describing Chris Brown Killing Rihanna

Posted on May 7, 2013

chris rihanna Yes, You Care: The Onion Pissed The Internet Off Today With An Article Describing Chris Brown Killing Rihanna

The World Wide Wang erupted drunk ass uncle style after fake news site The Onion published an article with the headline ‘Heartbroken Chris Brown Always Thought Rihanna Was Woman He’d Beat To Death’ today.

Baseball bat in hand, Mama Breezy (sans drawstring ponytail) was spotted inside an underground parking garage with Vaseline smeared across her face 15 minutes after the story went live on the website, according to multiple sources.

Not really, but I can’t be that far off.

“After revealing yesterday that he had recently split up with longtime girlfriend Rihanna, a heartbroken Chris Brown tearfully told reporters that he always thought the 25-year-old singer was going to be the woman he’d beat to death one day,” begins the satirical piece.

Read the rest inside the cut.

Spotted: Rihanna Attends The Chicago Bulls Vs Brooklyn Nets Playoff Game

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So, Next Week’s Episode Of ‘Law & Order SVU’ Is Obviously Inspired By Rihanna And Chris Brown. Happy Late Birthday, Rih Rih!

Posted on February 21, 2013

Next week’s episode of ‘Law & Order: Special Victim Unit’ is being billed as “a familiar story of two celebrities intertwined by abuse.” Oh, you don’t say?

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Nicole “Hoopz” Alexander Responds To Gym Fiasco Rumors

Posted on August 28, 2012

Former NBA star Shaquille O’Neal has called it quits with reality television girlfriend Nicole “Hoopz” Alexander. Shaunie O’Neal is breathing a sigh of relief through her permanently flared nostrils.

The couple started dating back in 2010 and lived in the ‘burbs while he played for the Boston Celtics. Following his retirement they have been living in Florida. Just a few weeks ago Hoopz, 29, was spotted with Shaq teddy bear as he filmed scenes for Adam Sandler’s comedy sequel ‘Grown Ups 2,’ in which the current TNT analyst plays a security guard.

And now, the rumors. Word on the curb is that the 40-year-old decided to pull the plug on the relationship for good last week after a fun visit to an Orlando-area gymnastics facility turned sour. Inspired by the Olympic success of Gabby Douglas, Hoopz wanted to take up lessons. But according to an eyewitness when she discovered that the gym doesn’t train people over the age of 18 for insurance purposes she flipped.

Didn’t We Almost Have It All?

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Quick Quotes: Nas On His ‘Crazy’ Split From Kelis

Posted on March 30, 2012

As barbershop debates continue on across the country over if the best party earned custody of The N red carpet gear, Nas is opening up about his highly publicized 2009 divorce from Harlem’s own glowstick, Kelis.

Nas was reportedly ordered to pay a staggering $40,000 a month in spousal and child support a day after the birth of son Knight in July 2009. The amount has since been cut to $25,000 a month. He also has a daughter, Destiny, from a previous relationship.

“Life is crazy. I [wound] up paying more money to baby mommas than what some of my rap brothers and sistren make,” he told Sway Calloway on MTV’s RapFix Live this week.

“I’ve always been away from too much limelight and that right there put me in — no one’s exempt from people probing into your life once you get into the game,” he conceded. “So [the divorce] put a lot of my business out there, man. People weren’t thinking I was making that kind of money, and now they know.”

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