E.J. Johnson Will Steal Your Man — And Your Taxi Cab

ej street E.J. Johnson Will Steal Your Man    And Your Taxi Cab

Thick thighed opulent goddess E.J. Johnson needs to learn some Big Apple etiquette according to Page Six. The budding reality star stands accused of snatching an unaware woman’s taxi cab after a night out partying with Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus earlier this week.

“As this woman opened the cab door, E.J. and a friend sprinted over and said, ‘No, sorry! This is more important,’ and pushed her away,” says an eyewitness, adding that a flamboyantly dressed E.J. “closed the door on half of his coat.”

And there you have it, people. “This is more important” is the new shade. Moving forward, I encourage to use it while politely side stepping all contenders to your crown. Hell, throw it in your email signature for good measure.

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Night Sweats: Verdine White

vw2 Night Sweats: Verdine White

I don’t know why the Lord keeps on blessing me. Just days after his secret love child Michelle Williams randomly surfaced like an overnight zit, Verdine White brought poise, personality, and full edges to the Royal Albert Hall in London as he performed with Earth, Wind And Fire.

Unhealthy obsession on my part aside, one thing must be said — the legendary group stays booking a stage! Later for these new era flops whose careers won’t survive long enough to book a club hosting gig for NBA All-Star Weekend next year.

vw3 Night Sweats: Verdine White

vw Night Sweats: Verdine White

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No Fats, No Femmes: Kandida West Has Spoken

girlfriend please No Fats, No Femmes: Kandida West Has Spoken

God bless the man who knocked House Mother Kanye‘s period on.

In promotion of his latest album ‘No Fats, No Femmes’ (now available on iTunes and inside heaven’s gift shop) HMK has been serving freshmen year Whitley Gilbert in a bid to convince all that he is the baddest past, present and future bitch to tip around campus.

As someone pointed out on Twitter recently, HMK’s delusions of grandeur would make bomb-ass social media bios, and his most recent interview with W Magazine is no exception. I hugged myself and laughed like Ray Charles several times.

That bitch is on one.

 On how being denied from a fashion show inspired ‘I Am A Stunt Queen’

So the next day I went to the studio with Daft Punk, and I wrote ‘I Am a God!’ Cause it’s like, Yo! Nobody can tell me where I can and can’t go. Man, I’m the No. 1 living and breathing rock star. I am Axl Rose; I am Jim Morrison; I am Jimi Hendrix. You can’t say that you love music and then say that Kanye West can’t come to your show! To even think they could tell me where I could and couldn’t go is just ludicrous. It’s blasphemous — to rock ’n’ roll, and to music. How can someone stop my opportunity to see something that he can teach me, that I can help teach the world? … I made that song because I am a god. I don’t think there’s much more explanation. I’m not going to sit here and defend shit. That shit is rock ’n’ roll, man. That shit is rap music. I am a god. Now what?

On having an ego the size of Tony Siragusa

On one end, I try to scale it back. Because I don’t want to close any of the doors needed to create the best product possible. But my ego is my drug. My drug is, ‘I’m better than all you other motherfuckers. Kiss my ass!’

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Mane Moves: Prince At The 2013 Billboard Awards

prince mane Mane Moves: Prince At The 2013 Billboard Awards

It’s getting humid outside, naturalistas. Those protective hairstyles aren’t going to always save you or your edges in the real world. This isn’t an issue for Prince, though.

When you are the reigning empress of the natural kingdom you can show up to any event looking like a Diana Ross drag impersonator who got stuck in the rain and still show out. He’s a grown woman! Are you?

House Mother Kanye Hypes ‘SNL’ Appearance By Wearing A Band-Aid

kanye bandaid House Mother Kanye Hypes SNL Appearance By Wearing A Band Aid

If we ever end up in a classroom environment together I’m making it my business to knock House Mother Kanye‘s back issues of V Magazine off his desk with the swing of my ass on my way to the pencil sharpener. I’m wide and petty enough to do it, why not?

Just wanted to put that out there.

In a new promo for his ‘Saturday Night Live’ appearance, HMK wears a band-aid over his forehead boo boo as a — wait for it — reference to his much publicized stunt queen fail last week when he walked into a street sign while out with his baby mama. Should’ve kept his eye on the prize.

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People You Should Be Paying Homage To: Melinda Brown Duncan

Melinda Brown Duncan is fed the fuck up.

Foaming at the mouth as her swoop bang held back tears of its own, the Detroit resident hurled a lethal combination of curse words sure to make your forehead sweat at government officials for their inability to get the damn job done while speaking to a local news station.

Give me a project chick. Give me a hoodrat chick.