Crunk + Disorderly » And Jesus Wept

Buzz Notes: Eddie Long Apologies To Jewish Community

Fresh — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 16:25:19 +0000

In a letter sent to the Southeast regional director of the Anti-Defamation League, Eddie Long apologized for last Sunday’s highly publicized service at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church where he was turned into a sacred snack wrap and crowned king.

“The ceremony was not my suggestion, nor was it my intent, to participate in any ritual that is offensive in any manner to the Jewish community, or any group. Furthermore, I sincerely denounce any action that depicts me as a King, for I am merely just a servant of the Lord,” writes Long.

Sweet Baby Jesus has yet to put it on his heart to apologize to parishioners for that astro turf perched on top of his head.

Watch This: New Birth Crowns Eddie Long “King”

Fresh — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:37:43 +0000

Sunday morning services at Twitter Baptist are never this entertaining. Stunts and shows in the sanctuary. Hallelu!

Huffington Post – In a service last weekend at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, Long was proclaimed as royalty by Ralph Messer, a visting speaker. “He’s a king. God’s blessed him. He’s a humble man. But in him is kingship. In him is royalty,” Messer said over Long, to applause from New Life congregants. “In him was a land of Israel. In him was a k chromosome…he was brought through the slaves, raised up in a city and God now wants to release a new anointing.”

Long was then wrapped in scrolls, raised aloft by four men, and paraded about the stage to raucous applause.

Since I have the maturity of a college frat boy I laughed when Messer said “I’m going to pull off the foreskin of this and we’re going to raise it up.”

Who do I have to talk to about being cloaked in the omnipresence of the Lord’s divine grace like a human snack wrap from McDonald’s?

Watch the video below:

Tweets Is Watching: Kim Kardashian Is Sold Out For Christ — And You Can’t Take It

Fresh — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 18:04:24 +0000

Kim Kardashian took one step closer to entering the gates of His holy kingdom on Sunday afternoon when she he tweeted “I want to start a bible study group with my friends!” And by His Missoni stripes we were all healed.

CANDIDS: KIM KARDASHIAN ON THE GO EARLIER THIS MONTH

In Other News: Paula Deen Reveals She Has Diabetes, Refuses To Give Up Butter

Fresh — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 19:39:29 +0000

First the Fat Boys break up.

Members of Team Chunk dropped their McGriddles and joined hands for prayer this morning after Paula Deen confirmed on NBC’s Today show that she found out three years ago during a routine physical exam that she has Type 2 diabetes.

“I’m here today to let the world know that it is not a death sentence,” she said on the morning show, adding that she will be a paid spokeswoman for drug company Novo Nordisk.

Along with her sons, Bobby and Jamie, who she often collaborates with in the kitchen, Deen said she will talk about her life with diabetes and recipes that fit her lifestyle for the company’s “Diabetes in a New Light” program.

Celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain says while he feels “bad” about Butter Mother’s diagnosis, like many he isn’t shocked.

When your signature dish is hamburger in between a doughnut, and you’ve been cheerfully selling this stuff knowing all along that you’ve got Type 2 Diabetes . . . It’s in bad taste if nothing else. How long has she known? I suspect a very long time. On Tuesday when she announces it, it’ll be to say I just got diagnosed… Al Roker won’t be asking her how long she’s known. I don’t think people will press that issue. (source)

If you are thinking Memaw Paula’s love affair with butter is now a thing of the past think again.

“I will never use a substitute for butter. Margarine is one molecule away from eating plastic,” Deen, 64, tells Parade.com about her favorite ingredient. “If I’m going to eat that type of food, it’s going to be the real deal. There is a good chance that I can cut down on the amount of butter now that I’m aware, but will I cut butter out of my life completely? No. I will take measurements to manage it.”

Slavery Examples Used In Homework Assignment Outrage Parents

Fresh — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 19:23:08 +0000

‘If eight slaves pick 56 oranges’ isn’t apart of Newt Gingrich’s plan to put more unemployed African Americans back in the work place but instead a math question third graders in a Gwinnett County, Ga., elementary school were asked in their homework assignment last week.

Several Gwinnett parents contacted Channel 2 Action News in outrage after their children brought home a math assignment that referenced slavery and beatings.

Christopher Braxton talked with Channel 2’s Kerry Kavanaugh and said he couldn’t believe it when he read his 8-year-old son’s math homework Wednesday.”It kind of blew me away,” Braxton said. “Do you see what I see? Do you really see what I see? He’s not answering this question.”

The question was a word problem that said, “Each tree had 56 oranges. If eight slaves pick them equally, then how much would each slave pick?” Another math problem said, “If Frederick got two beatings per day, how many beatings did he get in one week?”

“I was furious at that point in time,” Braxton said.

“Something like shouldn’t be imbedded into a kid of the third, fourth, fifth, any grade,” parent Terrance Barnett said. “I’m having to explain to my 8-year-old why slavery or slaves or beatings are in a math problem. That hurts.”

Both fathers said they contacted the principal of Beaver Ridge Elementary school in Norcross. They wanted to know what the third-grade math teachers were thinking.

Kavanaugh brought that question to Gwinnett County School District officials.

“In this one, the teachers were trying to do a cross-curricular activity,” district spokeswoman Sloan Roach said.

Roach explained the teachers were trying to incorporate social studies lessons into the math problems, which is something the school district encourages. But the problem with the questions is there is no historical context. (source)

Spotted: Lil’ Kim On New Year’s Eve

Fresh — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 03:11:02 +0000

Lil’ Kikkoman was photographed on New Year’s Eve with her face heavily dusted with Shower to Shower — just another ladies’ night. Shade her existence quietly amongst your friends.

Via That Grape Juice!

News Break: Pastor Licks Woman Vagina During Prayer

Fresh — Wed, 28 Dec 2011 16:13:09 +0000

And with this news story a wave of aggressive studs just turned their lives over to Christ. Raise your hands in praise and run that pussy back. What’s that Bible scripture about tithing for dental dam purchases again?

“Pastor Addy came to my house, asked me to pray with him and that he has had some bad revelations about me. While we were praying, he undressed me and started licking my vagina ….”

These were the words of a 32-year-old woman who alleged that she was sexually assaulted by a pastor at Omanjor near Sowutuom, a suburb of Accra.

The pastor, Stephen Addy-Powell of Crown Miracle International Ministries, Omanjor, was therefore arrested by the Sowutuom Police to assist in their investigations. According to the victim, the incident happened on the afternoon of April 15, 2011.

“I was in the house that afternoon when I heard somebody banging on our main gate, so I rushed to see who that person was. She said when she went to open the gate she saw Pastor Stephen Addy Powell holding a Bible together with two others.

“Pastor introduced himself as a man of God, and also founder and leader of Crown Miracle International Ministries Omanjor and that he had a message for me. So I ushered him into my sitting room.

“He then asked his friends to excuse us by going out while he told me the confidential message.

“He said God had revealed to him that I had been engaged spiritually by some evil spirits. He said if we did not pray to break that evil bond I could neither marry nor have a child,” the lady told the police.

She stated that they started to pray about it, and in the process, Pastor Stephen Addy asked her to promise him that she would do anything she was asked to do which she accepted. The woman alleged that after some moments of prayer inside her sitting room, the pastor lifted her dress, removed her panties and started to lick her vagina.

“He licked me for quite a long period before concluding the prayers,” she said.

The complainant said after Pastor Addy had left with his colleagues, she became afraid of the actions of the pastor and so reported the incident to her church pastor.

“Some family members also asked me to report the matter to the police but because I had no evidence, I intentionally called Pastor Stephen on the phone to question him about the consequences of his licking my vagina.

“I also asked why he licked my vagina and then he confessed that he loved me and wanted me to be his wife.”

After the conversation, the victim averred that a formal report was lodged to the Sowutuom police where Pastor Stephen Addy was arrested.

Confirming the story, the Crime Officer of the Odorkor District Police Command, Superintendent Barfour Apenteng indicated that 31-year-old pastor Stephen Addy was indeed arrested by the police for questioning.

“Our investigations indicate that the pastor actually committed the act and so a charge of indecent assault had been leveled against him,” the police said.

He maintained that when an earlier recording was played to Pastor Addy, he got confused and then confessed to having committed the act, but said he wanted the girl as a friend. The Odorkor crime officer stated that investigations also revealed that the pastor is married with an eight-month-old baby.

“He would be arraigned before court soon,” he added. (source via Oh Hell Nawl)

Lick em low for the Lord!

Video: Suspects Accused of Administering Ass Shots With Household Products Plead Not Guilty In Court

Fresh — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 17:50:57 +0000

Oneal Ron Morris, a transgender woman who goes by the name “Duchess,” wasn’t acting alone when he allegedly carried out buttocks enhancements by injecting South Florida “patients” with a near-lethal formula of chemicals administered through a tube hooked to a cooler.

Accused of injecting a toxic mixture of “Fix-a-Flat” and Superglue to enhance ~~Marlo Hampton’s~~ gworl’s booty booty butt cheeks, Corey Eubank pleaded not guilty in Miami-Dade Circuit Court on the charges practicing medicine without a license. So it would make sense that eyes couldn’t help but wander at his cakes on Monday as he exited the building with his lawyers.

Ex-Atlanta ‘Housewives’ Zestlemen Dwight Eubanks Arrested

Fresh — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 13:55:44 +0000

Precious Lord take my hand.

Ex-Atlanta RHOA bad bitch Dwight Eubanks was arrested and charged last week not for concealing good pussy but for driving on a suspended license.

A police spokesman tells the Atlanta Journal Constitution as officers were patrolling the area of Freedom Parkway and Boulevard on Dec. 14 they saw a Chevy Tahoe with the driver’s side headlight out. They stopped the vehicle and spoke to Eubanks, who told them he didn’t have his license with him.

Cops conducted a check and discovered that his license had been suspended and placed the sweetest taboo in custody.

So, how did Dwight’s license get snatched like Phaedra’s edges in the first place? Good question.

According to court records, the Purple Door salon owner had a previous court matter that he failed to take care of. The unresolved matter led to a failure to appear in court, which resulted in his license being suspended.

My heart is all a flutter right now. Imagining Dwight crawling around a jail cell singing “Centipede” by Rebbie Jackson is not the move first thing in the morning.

How Dreadful: Homeless Man Used Stolen Credit Card To Pay For Pedicure

Fresh — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 18:07:13 +0000

Jonah Lee Troutman, 27, was arrested last Saturday and charged with illegal use of a credit card and petty theft after the homeless man used a stolen credit card to get himself a pedicure. Fancy!

According to the police report Troutman went to Nancy’s Nails after he found a credit card lying on the ground. When he went to pay for the pedicure he just received, the credit card transaction was declined twice, prompting the salon proprietors to call the police.

Troutman informed officials when they arrived on the scene that he found the card lying near the road and thought it was a gift card before confessing that it wasn’t his, commenting that “finding it was a blessing from God.”

Dreadful. Not that he used a stolen credit card to get his little piggies in check but dreadful because there are people in this country with then financial means to have regular pedicures but still refuse. Foot draggers is what we call them.

HuffPost Miami – Troutman’s desire for a little foot relief isn’t such a surprise. A big part of homeless outreach are pop-up foot clinics where clergy wash homeless men and women’s feet and podiatrists treat foot ailments.

According to the American Podiatric Medical Association, homeless are four times likely to suffer foot problems ranging from fungal infections to maggot infestations.

At one such foot clinic in the St. Vincent de Paul Church in Chicago, Elias Aguilar told the Washington Post, “We’re street people. We walk around all day, and it feels good to have them do your feet. People pay a lot of money for a pedicure.”