Archive for the 'And Jesus Wept' Category

Buzz Notes: Eddie Long Apologies To Jewish Community

Posted by Fresh on February 6, 2012

eddie11 Buzz Notes: Eddie Long Apologies To Jewish Community

In a letter sent to the Southeast regional director of the Anti-Defamation League, Eddie Long apologized for last Sunday’s highly publicized service at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church where he was turned into a sacred snack wrap and crowned king.

“The ceremony was not my suggestion, nor was it my intent, to participate in any ritual that is offensive in any manner to the Jewish community, or any group. Furthermore, I sincerely denounce any action that depicts me as a King, for I am merely just a servant of the Lord,” writes Long.

Sweet Baby Jesus has yet to put it on his heart to apologize to parishioners for that astro turf perched on top of his head.

And Jesus Wept |

Watch This: New Birth Crowns Eddie Long “King”

Posted by Fresh on February 1, 2012

eddie1 Watch This: New Birth Crowns Eddie Long King

Sunday morning services at Twitter Baptist are never this entertaining. Stunts and shows in the sanctuary. Hallelu!

Huffington Post – In a service last weekend at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church, Long was proclaimed as royalty by Ralph Messer, a visting speaker. “He’s a king. God’s blessed him. He’s a humble man. But in him is kingship. In him is royalty,” Messer said over Long, to applause from New Life congregants. “In him was a land of Israel. In him was a k chromosome…he was brought through the slaves, raised up in a city and God now wants to release a new anointing.”

Long was then wrapped in scrolls, raised aloft by four men, and paraded about the stage to raucous applause.

Since I have the maturity of a college frat boy I laughed when Messer said “I’m going to pull off the foreskin of this and we’re going to raise it up.”

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And Jesus Wept |

Tweets Is Watching: Kim Kardashian Is Sold Out For Christ — And You Can’t Take It

Posted by Fresh on January 30, 2012

kim0 Tweets Is Watching: Kim Kardashian Is Sold Out For Christ And You Cant Take It

Kim Kardashian took one step closer to entering the gates of His holy kingdom on Sunday afternoon when she he tweeted “I want to start a bible study group with my friends!” And by His Missoni stripes we were all healed.

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And Jesus Wept |

In Other News: Paula Deen Reveals She Has Diabetes, Refuses To Give Up Butter

Posted by Fresh on January 17, 2012

pd1 In Other News: Paula Deen Reveals She Has Diabetes, Refuses To Give Up Butter

First the Fat Boys break up.

Members of Team Chunk dropped their McGriddles and joined hands for prayer this morning after Paula Deen confirmed on NBC’s Today show that she found out three years ago during a routine physical exam that she has Type 2 diabetes.

“I’m here today to let the world know that it is not a death sentence,” she said on the morning show, adding that she will be a paid spokeswoman for drug company Novo Nordisk.

Along with her sons, Bobby and Jamie, who she often collaborates with in the kitchen, Deen said she will talk about her life with diabetes and recipes that fit her lifestyle for the company’s “Diabetes in a New Light” program.

Celebrity chef Anthony Bourdain says while he feels “bad” about Butter Mother’s diagnosis, like many he isn’t shocked.

When your signature dish is hamburger in between a doughnut, and you’ve been cheerfully selling this stuff knowing all along that you’ve got Type 2 Diabetes . . . It’s in bad taste if nothing else. How long has she known? I suspect a very long time. On Tuesday when she announces it, it’ll be to say I just got diagnosed… Al Roker won’t be asking her how long she’s known. I don’t think people will press that issue. (source)

If you are thinking Memaw Paula’s love affair with butter is now a thing of the past think again.

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And Jesus Wept |

Slavery Examples Used In Homework Assignment Outrage Parents

Posted by Fresh on January 8, 2012

homework1 Slavery Examples Used In Homework Assignment Outrage Parents

‘If eight slaves pick 56 oranges’ isn’t apart of Newt Gingrich’s plan to put more unemployed African Americans back in the work place but instead a math question third graders in a Gwinnett County, Ga., elementary school were asked in their homework assignment last week.

Several Gwinnett parents contacted Channel 2 Action News in outrage after their children brought home a math assignment that referenced slavery and beatings.

Christopher Braxton talked with Channel 2’s Kerry Kavanaugh and said he couldn’t believe it when he read his 8-year-old son’s math homework Wednesday.”It kind of blew me away,” Braxton said. “Do you see what I see? Do you really see what I see? He’s not answering this question.”

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And Jesus Wept |

Spotted: Lil’ Kim On New Year’s Eve

Posted by Fresh on January 4, 2012

kim new years Spotted: Lil Kim On New Years Eve

Lil’ Kikkoman was photographed on New Year’s Eve with her face heavily dusted with Shower to Shower — just another ladies’ night. Shade her existence quietly amongst your friends.

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And Jesus Wept |

News Break: Pastor Licks Woman Vagina During Prayer

Posted by Fresh on December 28, 2011

And with this news story a wave of aggressive studs just turned their lives over to Christ. Raise your hands in praise and run that pussy back. What’s that Bible scripture about tithing for dental dam purchases again?

“Pastor Addy came to my house, asked me to pray with him and that he has had some bad revelations about me. While we were praying, he undressed me and started licking my vagina ….”

These were the words of a 32-year-old woman who alleged that she was sexually assaulted by a pastor at Omanjor near Sowutuom, a suburb of Accra.

The pastor, Stephen Addy-Powell of Crown Miracle International Ministries, Omanjor, was therefore arrested by the Sowutuom Police to assist in their investigations. According to the victim, the incident happened on the afternoon of April 15, 2011.

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And Jesus Wept |

Video: Suspects Accused of Administering Ass Shots With Household Products Plead Not Guilty In Court

Posted by Fresh on December 20, 2011

booty Video: Suspects Accused of Administering Ass Shots With Household Products Plead Not Guilty In Court

Oneal Ron Morris, a transgender woman who goes by the name “Duchess,” wasn’t acting alone when he allegedly carried out buttocks enhancements by injecting South Florida “patients” with a near-lethal formula of chemicals administered through a tube hooked to a cooler.

Accused of injecting a toxic mixture of “Fix-a-Flat” and Superglue to enhance Marlo Hampton’s gworl’s booty booty butt cheeks, Corey Eubank pleaded not guilty in Miami-Dade Circuit Court on the charges practicing medicine without a license. So it would make sense that eyes couldn’t help but wander at his cakes on Monday as he exited the building with his lawyers.

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And Jesus Wept |

Ex-Atlanta ‘Housewives’ Zestlemen Dwight Eubanks Arrested

Posted by Fresh on December 20, 2011

dwight1 Ex Atlanta ‘Housewives Zestlemen Dwight Eubanks Arrested

Precious Lord take my hand.

Ex-Atlanta RHOA bad bitch Dwight Eubanks was arrested and charged last week not for concealing good pussy but for driving on a suspended license.

A police spokesman tells the Atlanta Journal Constitution as officers were patrolling the area of Freedom Parkway and Boulevard on Dec. 14 they saw a Chevy Tahoe with the driver’s side headlight out. They stopped the vehicle and spoke to Eubanks, who told them he didn’t have his license with him.

Cops conducted a check and discovered that his license had been suspended and placed the sweetest taboo in custody.

So, how did Dwight’s license get snatched like Phaedra’s edges in the first place? Good question.

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And Jesus Wept |

How Dreadful: Homeless Man Used Stolen Credit Card To Pay For Pedicure

Posted by Fresh on December 15, 2011

Jonah Lee Troutman, 27, was arrested last Saturday and charged with illegal use of a credit card and petty theft after the homeless man used a stolen credit card to get himself a pedicure. Fancy!

According to the police report Troutman went to Nancy’s Nails after he found a credit card lying on the ground. When he went to pay for the pedicure he just received, the credit card transaction was declined twice, prompting the salon proprietors to call the police.

Troutman informed officials when they arrived on the scene that he found the card lying near the road and thought it was a gift card before confessing that it wasn’t his, commenting that “finding it was a blessing from God.”

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And Jesus Wept |

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