First the antics of chamomile and vanilla-infused OG Bobby Johnson now this. What the hell is going on between the supermarket and my home? Today’s grocery store shenanigans occurred in the motherland of my diabetic rap savior — Baton Rouge, Louisiana. More on how Lil Boosie ties into this story later.
Eugene Dunn, 54, was caught shoplifting nearly $100 in ribs from Piggly Wiggly just before noon on Sunday. There’s no greater love than to lay down one’s freedom for pork.
According to a local news station, a man who tried to stop Uncle Gene from stealing the ribs (with their looking ass) told cops that he placed his keys between his fingers, made a fist, and tried to cut him with the keys. I’m not saying what Uncle Gene did in retalation was right — I’m just saying. “Run up, get done up” has been my trill life mantra for almost a decade.
The man who almost got his helpful ass caped, diced, chunked, scattered and covered like some Waffle House hash browns also told police that Uncle Gene visited the store earlier in the week and “got away with several items after threatening to shoot” him.
Two men had Uncle Gene held down in the parking lot when officers arrived. There were about four packages of meat lying on the concrete before four more racks of ribs were removed from his pants.
Uncle Gene reportedly then told police that he was only trying to eat and live. Survey says! That’s the realest shit you will read today.
Cars wrapped around the building is not an uncommon sight at Chick-fil-A.
My personal theory is that the teaspoon of crack workers sprinkle in each gallon of lemonade they prepare drives people to sacrifice both their young and decency for a taste. Don’t get me started on their Polynesian sauce. It makes me inebriated with delight. By the second time I have dunked my chicken strip in it I’m a giddy damn fool, laughing like James Brown during his classic drunk ass “Living in America!” interview.
When you have smiling people responding with “My pleasure” to everything you ask without having to leave any money on the nightstand, man, it makes you feel like America has finally got it right.
Of course, there is an exception to all of this when you are in Florida — specifically Duval County. Authorities in Jacksonville are searching for one of your cousins who opened fire after someone cut in front of him at a Chick-fil-A drive-thru.
If you didn’t already know, I live in a neighboring county in Georgia. As of 2010, an alarming 74.9% of the population had at least one ain’t shit nigga residing in their household. That’s why I ride with my Bible on the dash.
One would think that with the holiday shopping season pending that the wig crypt would have their employees in check with the threading of lace front wigs and preparation of gourmet roots box complete creole cheddar popcorn and flavorful meats but that couldn’t be any further from the case.
A group of Beyonce‘s stans are riddled with concern that their fave will lose credibility by attending Kanye West and Kim Kardashian‘s wedding ceremony. So much so that a Beyonce Cannot Attend Kim Kardashian’s Wedding petition has been launched urging Empress Yaki to “rain check that train wreck.”
House Mother Kanye refuses to munch on Kim Kardashian‘s freezed dried placenta chips in silence. Thank you and you’re welcome.
The 36-year-old seasoned stunt queen sang his fiancée’s praises during his ‘On Air With Ryan Seacrest’ radio interview on Tuesday morning (October 29). He also took the opportunity to lobby for his baby mama to appear on the cover of New York’s fashion bible.
“Now for me, what I want to create isn’t about black and white, but the reason why I’m not able to create what I want to create is about being black and is about classism. And that’s that wall when I took [Kim] to the Met Ball and they put it up on Vogue.com and tried to say she wasn’t there because they didn’t want a reality show girl there,” he told Seacrest.
Your great aunties are thugging outside, they don’t need cable.
According to Spartanburg County deputies, 80-year-old Mary Wannamaker and 63-year-old Myrtle Smith (left) were arrested and charged with assault after beating up a woman who asked the pair to give her some space while she entered the pin for her debit card at the cash register.
“All I wanted was a little bit of privacy, I didn’t know it would lead to a beat down,” said the victim, 33-year-old Amanda Parker. Read all the details about this crazy ass mess over at Amy Traphouse!