The indigenous hoodrat of Cook County, Illinois is a rather peculiar species.

A suburban Chicago woman was held in lieu of $750,000 bail Sunday at a bond hearing after being charged with attempted murder for reportedly ran over her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend, according to the Chicago Tribune.

The dog days of putting the new bitch in your former flame’s life on blast by licking subliminal shots in her direction on Facebook are a wrap. You will never earn enough stripes to be name checked on a Chief Keef mixtape song if a vehicle is left out of the equation.

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Yes, another news story about food!

Just when I thought your cousins were tapped out of ways to bring dishonor to the family name they went above and beyond with help from the devil’s instrument to erase all of the good I have ever done in my life– chicken wings.

When Antonius Hart, Sr. and his son, Antonius Hart Jr., didn’t receive the correct amount of chicken wings in their order at Pirtle’s Chicken in Memphis, Tennessee an AK-47 was brandished on the employees who neglected to include all of their Lil’ Wangz.

When the two returned, the cashier offered to replace the missing pieces, but police said the men demanded more chicken because they had to endure the inconveince of driving back to the restaurant. I will refrain from passing judgement since gas prices around the country are higher than giraffe pussy. At that point, Hart Sr., 45, flashed his waistband candy to show that he meant business. Never leave home without it.

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The life of selling pussy by the grands post NBA All-Star Weekend isn’t always as smooth as Trina makes it sound on her albums. Thankfully, it just got a tab bit easier.

From silicone bellies to fake DNA tests, www.fakeababy.com has almost every facet of “but I made up my mind, I’m keeping my baby” covered. A good man is hard to find — so trap the one you last slurped inside a bathroom stall at Burger King!

The next time your sponsor threatens to leave you, shove a phony positive pregnancy test in his face. Want to find out where you fit inside his five-year plan? Slide a personalized 3D ultrasound sonogram underneath his car’s windshield wiper while he is at work.

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