My sentiments exactly, Chris Brown.

If you have a song deep inside your heart (that hopefully doesn’t sound anything like this one) pass it along to Birdman because it just might be good enough to generate enough cash for a down payment on his next Bugatti. The hand rubbing aficionado tells Billboard magazine that he has high hopes to diversify the Cash Money brand by including other genres of music.

“We dominate Rap, but we need to dominate R&B,” Birdman told Billboard. “We need to dominate Pop, Gospel, Country — we’re a brand so we should be able to put out all these types of music. We just got to keep grinding.”

Oh the downloadable fuckery those musical mergers would bring the world. DJ Khaled screaming out “We the best forever!” over a honky tonk beat? “Pussy Monster (Reprise)” featuring Lil’ Wayne, Nicki Minaj and Paula White?

The #1 Stunna said he’ll “shoot up anything except a school or a playground.” Church parking lots don’t fall under that umbrella.

Photo: All Things Fresh |Respect: Vibe

A former social worker who quit his job to hustle Tupperware full-time Robert Suchan sold $250,000 worth of products last year, making him the top seller in North America. How did he do it? Decked out in drag of course!

Standing at 6′5″ in heels and wearing a bouffant wig, Aunt Barbara is a Nicki Minaj video mashed up with an episode of the Real Housewives of Long Island come to life. “The phone rings every day,” said Babs. “The emails don’t stop.”

“I tell them: ‘I live alone. I get fearful of home invasions,’” Suchan said. “If someone is there, I’ll reach for my cheese grater and say, ‘I’ll grate your freaking face off. Then I’ll call 911 and say there’s a man with a bloody face outside and I collected most of his DNA.’”

Collect the coins by any means necessary, gworl.

Antwaun Cook may have Fantasia locked down with an all unlimited everything T-Mobile plan and good dick but he wants to set your loved ones free. Child related expenses don’t come cheap, so Twaun is looking to bring home the bacon with a new bail bonds company.

Please let the above be the work of someone with access to stock images and Photoshop . . . but in the event that it’s not, say it along with me in your most enthused tone: a check is a check.

Cash and collateral also included in this case, I guess.

If you spot R.Kelly hustling spaghetti dinners outside of Dwight Eubanks’ Tahoe after bible study tonight try not to judge him for it. The singer tells TMZ he’s already written a staggering 32 new chapters of his never-ending tale of the consequences people face after participating in hoe shit, but will have to hold off sharing his vision with the rest of Gotham City until he receives financial backing. We got any angel investors in the building?

“I’ve always wanted to be a movie director and that’s pretty much my movie directing seeping out through my music, that’s the best way to put it,” he explained. “‘Trapped In The Closet’ is like an alien, as I always tell people. And by the way, I got 32 new chapters that I’m trying to put out now but it costs a lot of money to do it, so I’m looking for investors.”

Now I lay me down to sleep.

Only answer the following if you are at least 18 years old: Would you sail the seven pees seas with R. Kelly?

Fans will have the chance to join the Pied Pisser for his five-day cruise liner event, dubbed the “Love Letter Cruise,” as it sets sail from Miami and tours through the Caribbean in October 2012. The singer promises passengers a “fabulous performance, never before seen at sea” along with tasty food, aerobics classes, five-star spa treatments and salsa lessons. Ole, bitch!

Tickets prices range from $999 to $2,999. Ch . . . that’s plenty Tampico.

Based off Mr. Hightower’s best-selling book Act Like A Butch Queen, Think Like Steve Harvey the film ‘Think Like A Man’ features an ensemble cast that would bring star presence to any Hoodies Awards. Piss Tyler Perry off to the highest power by watch the trailer below!

Out with the old and in with the new! ‘All My Children’ soap opera actress Denise Vasi has joined the cast of VH1’s “Single Ladies,” filling the “my eyes are green because I eat a lot of vegetables” void left behind by Stacey Dash’s abrupt exit from the show.

Deadline – On the upcoming second season of the show executive produced by Queen Latifah, Vasi will star opposite co-leads LisaRaye McCoy and Charity Shea. She fills a void left by the departure of Stacey Dash after the end of the first season.

Vasi will play the new role of Raquel, a close friend of Keisha (McCoy) who is a savvy business woman from a prominent Southern family on a quest to discover passion. “Denise is the perfect addition to the Single Ladies cast,” Queen Latifah said. “She is bringing a fun, new element to the show.”

If LeToya Luckett never strikes gold again she can fade to black knowing that her post Destiny’s Child legacy will live on forever with seven words: Luster’s Pink Brand Smooth Touch perm box. Slim Thug’s on-again-off-again boo performed her greatest hits at Hype Popstarz in Los Angeles last week. That mortgage isn’t going to pay itself. Why you mad?

You don’t need a subscription to LOGO to watch trannies behaving badly. Chantal Spears (born Ronald Spears) is suing Khloe Kardashian for unspecified damages after allegedly strong arming her outside of a Hollywood night club in 2009.

Madame Chantal claims that Lamar Odom’s ball boy violently struck her “in and about her body” causing serious injuries after she walked up to Lamar and told him he was “maybe too young to get married,” with the incident leaving her “in great fear for her life and physical well-being.”

Beefy Kardashian has yet to comment on Spears’ claims, with a friend of the reality TV star telling Us Weekly: “‘This was two years ago and Khloe did nothing. This person shoved Khloe and she pushed them off. This person just wants to jump on the bandwagon.

Scheduled to begin taping in December, one man janitorial service DMX and his estranged wife Tashera Simmons have agreed to appear on upcoming VH1 reality show ‘Relationship Rehab’ in the hopes of getting their failed marriage back on track, TMZ reports. And just so you know, comparing their marriage to a bowl of Kibbles N’ Bits being kicked over during a drug raid at The Carter wouldn’t be very Christian like. God doesn’t like ugly.

The Simmons separated in July 2010 after 20 years and four kids together . . . yet they are still best friends, insists the source – and that’s why they want to give it another shot. We’re told DMX feels Tashera is “one of the only people [he] truly ever loved and has been down with him through thick and thin.”

The thin? DMX cheated on his wife left and right – and even fathered six children during his extra-marital conquests.