First the antics of chamomile and vanilla-infused OG Bobby Johnson now this. What the hell is going on between the supermarket and my home? Today’s grocery store shenanigans occurred in the motherland of my diabetic rap savior — Baton Rouge, Louisiana. More on how Lil Boosie ties into this story later.
Eugene Dunn, 54, was caught shoplifting nearly $100 in ribs from Piggly Wiggly just before noon on Sunday. There’s no greater love than to lay down one’s freedom for pork.
According to a local news station, a man who tried to stop Uncle Gene from stealing the ribs (with their looking ass) told cops that he placed his keys between his fingers, made a fist, and tried to cut him with the keys. I’m not saying what Uncle Gene did in retalation was right — I’m just saying. “Run up, get done up” has been my trill life mantra for almost a decade.
The man who almost got his helpful ass caped, diced, chunked, scattered and covered like some Waffle House hash browns also told police that Uncle Gene visited the store earlier in the week and “got away with several items after threatening to shoot” him.
Two men had Uncle Gene held down in the parking lot when officers arrived. There were about four packages of meat lying on the concrete before four more racks of ribs were removed from his pants.
Uncle Gene reportedly then told police that he was only trying to eat and live. Survey says! That’s the realest shit you will read today.
Uncle Gene was subsequently arrested on charges of aggravated battery other deadly weapon and fifth offense of theft of goods. He is being held in the East Baton Rouge Parish Prison on a $5,000 bond.
Here’s where I put my conspiracy theorist lace front on. Upon intial review of his mugshot, I immediately noticed a resemblance between Uncle Gene and Donkey, who happens to be Lil Boosie’s older cousin. I really hope the universe isn’t about them type of games today but wouldn’t it be some shit if Uncle Gene is somehow related to Bad Azz?
Yeah, my arms hurt from all that reaching. But it’s a fun thought.