We all have that one friend.
They have access to our Netflix usernames and passwords, begin most general phrases with “I know this muthafuckin’ ain’t just”, has the ability to convert EBT swipes to cash without missing a beat, and always keeps a sandwich bag inside their Coogi purse for the sole intent of the unlawful transportation of Gummi Bears from the dessert buffet at Golden Corral.
We may walk 50 yards ahead of them during shopping excursions and hold conversations through messages on Facebook instead of commenting out in the open because we doubt if Luanne Schultz from human resources can fully appreciate their colorful musings on how a police road block tossed a monkey wrench in their scheduled trip to the weed man but we love, honor and obey them without ever raising question. Not out of fear. But out of respect for ourselves. Because really, who wants to wear the cloak of shame that is detailing a physical confrontation about a misunderstanding over ranch flavored sunflower seeds?
We tuck away our pride because we know that if shit were to ever pop off inside the bathroom at $2 Tuesdays they would be right there, Four Loko mimosa in hand, ready to stomp a mud hole in a bitch for us.
A true friendship that will span a lifetime. If you feel like calling in to work and staying home to watch ‘Beaches’ I fully understand.
| via Gossip On This