Fresh: Shake the dice and steal the rice! Christina looks like she lives two blocks up from Dumaine Street in New Orleans. I bet she helps all the strippers forge their income documents when they apply for apartments.
Christian: Negative! Christina is a food stamps case worker that has no problem supplying the young hungry men in the world — for a small piece of their loveeee and affection. It’s cold in these parking lots!
Fresh: If you see Lynn at Dead Prez’s next show in Brooklyn remind her that she still hasn’t given back my Bahamadia cassette tape.
Christian: I feel so sorry for Lynn! See what happens when you decide to start taking your braids out on a Sunday night and fall asleep watching ‘I Dream of NeNe’? That high bun can’t hide it all.
Christian: Ellen is showcasing the down side of the growing back process when you try to steal Cassie’s hairstyle for Instagram likes.
Fresh: Get into her Rasheeda sideburns and that smirk. Somebody just finished listening to “Legs To The Moon” on their lunch break.
Christian: The way she lets her sideburns lay down and blow in the breeze like Ashanti in 2005 says “I’m a good girl who will ride for my hood nigga”.
Christian: Ann The Man is not here for anyone’s bullshit today. In between teaching etiquette lessons to the youth at the YMCA during the day and working security detail at the local hood mall at night, Ann is putting the I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T woman back on the map — one pair of orthopedic shoes at a time.
Fresh: Did you just slam the door of my DeLorean time machine? Ann is taking us ‘Back To The Future’ to show what Tiny will look like when the OMG Girlz headline the Ya’ll Niggas Still Screaming Tour in 2025.
Fresh: Why did Sole’s most recent driver’s license picture load up on my screen instead of the next hairstyle?
Christian: That’s not Sole, that Amanda Perez. Her mama forced her to “glam it up” for school pictures.
Fresh: Flat twists and bantu knots. Beth may look like the work of a failing cosmetology school student right now but when she lets her hair down in the morning her haters are going to be sick on their stomachs. Reach for the saltine crackers and ginger ale now, jealous hoes.
Christian: Beware. Beth is the type of chick Plies spent numerous hours of studio time rapping about on “Bust It Baby” and “Becky”. Flat twist hair styles are code for “I didn’t have time to completely braid my hair because I was too busy with your man last night”.
Fresh: See what happens when you set your hair on sponge rollers without using any Lottabody?
Christian: Everyone is not able! For some reason I feel this what Beyonce thinks Blue Ivy’s hair was suppose to come out looking like.