Can Jennifer Lopez save ‘American Idol’ following last season’s stunt casting of Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey? Queen Chipotle will make her return to the singing competition, joining returning judge Keith Urban and newcomer Harry Connick Jr. Fox also announced the return of Randy Jackson on Tuesday as the show’s in-house mentor and Ryan Seacrest as host. Yet nobody seems to give half a damn.
I’ll tell you what people do care about — the auditions. Frankly speaking, nothing makes people gallop to their televisions like a pack of wild Clydesdale remote control in hand like the prospect of viewing fuck shit. Especially the ones who are all about writing essays on Facebook loaded with SAT vocabulary words expressing their fake outrage over the way whatever-the-hell-social-group is being misrepresented on television. Let go and let Gucci.
But I digress. If this world were mine I would bring back ‘Idol’ contestants from seasons past as guest judges each week to spice things up. There’s nothing like being the bitch throwing shade when you have BeBe Winans holding an umbrella at your side.
And of course my first draft pick would have to be Rhonetta Johnson.
Like many red-blooded Americans, I backstroke in the cool reservoir of WTF entertainment when the issues of today’s society get too hot. Throw some delusional people into the water and we’ve really got ourselves a party.
Netta Jo’s current Twitter bio reads, “Season 5 idol contestant i’m the best girl in the world currently on the road new album finishd i want a record deal i want it now or its going down.”
I’ll grab the towels. Here’s some foreshadowing for that ass: Rhonetta told Ryan Seacrest she was above J. Lo and Mariah.