The World Wide Wang erupted drunk ass uncle style after fake news site The Onion published an article with the headline ‘Heartbroken Chris Brown Always Thought Rihanna Was Woman He’d Beat To Death’ today.
Baseball bat in hand, Mama Breezy (sans drawstring ponytail) was spotted inside an underground parking garage with Vaseline smeared across her face 15 minutes after the story went live on the website, according to multiple sources.
Not really, but I can’t be that far off.
“After revealing yesterday that he had recently split up with longtime girlfriend Rihanna, a heartbroken Chris Brown tearfully told reporters that he always thought the 25-year-old singer was going to be the woman he’d beat to death one day,” begins the satirical piece.
Read the rest inside the cut.
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From the controversial folks who called Quvenzhané Wallis the c-word:
“Despite all the ups and downs, I was so sure Rihanna was the one I’d take by the throat one day and fatally assault, and even toward the end I continued to hold out hope that we’d be together until the day she died at my hands from blunt-force trauma,” Brown, 24, said in a radio interview this week, telling DJs he still has abusive feelings for his ex-flame and is hopeful that he might punch her again one day.
“It’s hard knowing that there’s some other guy out there who gets to beat her senseless. In fact, for all I know, there might be someone out there assaulting her right now. And let me tell you, that guy is the luckiest guy in the world.” A saddened Brown added that, should the couple not reconcile, he remains confident that the special someone he was meant to beat to death is still out there for him, and when he finds her, he’ll waste no time in slapping her around.
Do you think The Onion crossed the line? Sound off in the comments!