Chris Brown Made Auntie Russell’s Blood Pressure Go Up

Russell Simmons cares for you.

Russell Simmons defended the honor of Curry Goat’s 11 herbs and spices over the weekend in a blog post eloquently titled ‘Get Off Rihanna’s Dick’ posted to his Global Grind website.

Unless you were busy greasing your gold hair part or watching episodes of ‘Living Single’ on YouTube, Rihanna immediately unfollowed Chris Brown on Twitter last week after he released a freestyle over House Mother Kanye’s “Theraflu” (aka “Way Too Cold”) accusing an unspecified ex-girlfriend of spreading cooch around the industry.

Personally, I thought Rabid Beaver was gnawing at former fling Draya Michelle but I can never keep up with the youth when they are inside of their feelings.

Auntie Russell writes (and you must read it in Daffy Duck’s voice inside of your head in order for it to be effective): “There have been a lot of artists recently talking about “good girl gone bad,” Rihanna. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t see why everyone has their panties up in a bunch. It’s just that she is out there allegedly fuckin’ the rockstars of her dreams and you out there fuckin’ groupies.”

He continued: “You can’t be mad that she was seen walking out of Ashton Kutcher’s house late one night, cause you know if you were seen walking out of Adriana Lima’s house late one night, you would be in the studio the next day rapping about it. I mean, you all got like 50 girls in your videos drooling over you and you dissing Rihanna? I can’t blame a girl for being independent, having fun and living her life the way she wants to. I am certainly not condoning indiscriminate sex, but don’t get mad cause the girl.”

“Remember, I was a manager once and I have seen these types of young men on the road. I was with Run-DMC, the Beastie Boys, LL Cool J, Public Enemy, Whoodini and saw all of the girls after the show line up outside the dressing rooms. I mean, Whoodini even wrote a song about, “I Am A H*e” and went on to rap, “I rock three different girls after every show.” So, I know how this shit works. You all got 10 times as many girls as Rihanna has men, and you know that. I love you guys, and this certainly ain’t a diss, but I gotta keep it real.”