Hey, ya’ll. This here is Michael Arceneaux, he who clowns over at The Cynical Ones.

Although I have since relocated to LaLa land I am actually a Houston native with more Creole in him than a House of Dereon ad. That said, when I made my way home for the holidays I decided to trek on over to some of the clubs that cater to Team Peen.

If you didn’t know, Houston has about as much trade as Barbie’s dream house so I wasn’t completely shocked when I spotted folks who can only claim to be female if they have enough duct tape that night dip it, pop it, twirk it, stop it to Queen 1B.

When I initially saw these three, my first reaction was to go home and pray that God lead me to a vagina because there’s no way in hell I deserved to be grouped with Destiny’s Dickless.

Soon after I realized I’m only saying that because I got a bad knee and can’t jig like I used to.

But now that my shade has subsided, I invite you to take a second to acknowledge baby blue balls to the right of your screen. Not only did he (or is it she?) serve the kids in her nut cutters, earlier that evening you could’ve spotted hurr jerkin in stilettos. Take that, Ciara.

As for Big Momma Thang in the middle and all of her titty realness, please give it up for team chunk. There are people who were born to naturally need bras yet still can’t put on a show like that. He has the grace of a ballet dancer with the body of a Tennessee Titan. Bow down.

Since I’m betting one video isn’t enough for ya’ll, here’s Derek J.’s little sister in another performance:

Tang levels so big you must admit, he got every reason to feel like he’s a natural bitch.

P.S. If you like this entry then you need to put a click on it.