Wendy Sewell, Michelle Belliveau and Therese Ziemann

See. This shit right here Crunkland . . .

It’s Denise Wheatley here, trying with all my might to turn a blind eye to the fuckery. I swear I am. But that shit just be callin’ me man, it be callin’ me! So you know what I gotta do. Bring it to you!

Green Bay, Wisconsin. Home of the Green Bay Packers, Tony Shalhoub (“Monk”), Mona Simpson (“The Simpsons”), and four angry, gang bangin’ on bacon ass bitches named Theresa Ziemann, Tracy Hood-Davis, Michelle Belliveau, and Wendy Sewell. Who you ask? Please allow me to elaborate.

Theresa Ziemann is a thirst bucket who met a man named Donessa Davis on Craigslist, a.k.a. the rest haven for hoes. She quickly fell in love with him, put him up in a motel for two months, and gave him $3,000 cash. Unbeknownst to her, however, Davis was married to Tracy Hood-Davis and also seeing several other women, all of whom he was using for money.

When Ziemann found this out (from Davis’s wife no less) she was infuriated. But she didn’t bitch up and call Tyrone and nem to come play captain save a hoe. Instead she unbroke her heart and uncried her tears by getting together with Davis’s wife, her sister Sewell, and Davis’s other mistress Belliveau and devising a plan more ratchet than Hurricane Chris’s swingin’ beaded braids. And here, my friends, is where the shit went left.

Ziemann lured Davis to the Lakeview motel in Stockbridge, 30 miles southwest of Green Bay. He eagerly allowed her to tie him up with sheer sheets and blindfold him with a pillowcase for what he thought would be a nice rub down. But once he was securely bound, Ziemann violently cut off Davis’s underwear with a pair of scissors and sent a text message to her insane clown posse, summoning them into the room.

When the others arrived, Ziemann knocked Davis upside the head and proceeded to *gasp* glue his penis to his stomach with Krazy Glue! She then threatened to shoot him, but when Davis started screaming like the wounded bitch he was, the women fled the scene for fear that he would get loose and hurt them. They did, however, confiscate Davis’s wallet, car keys, and cell phone on the way out the door.

Davis was able to use his P. Diddy-powered beaver teeth to gnaw his way through the binding and scurry to the motel office. He then called the police and was picked up and treated at a local hospital.

All four women are facing up to 6 years in prison. They have been charged with being party to false imprisonment, and Ziemann has also been charged with fourth-degree sexual assault. My favorite part of the story? When Ziemann asked a restrained Davis, “Which one of us do you love more???” As if a defenseless, molested man with his dick stuck to his gut would have an answer to that question.

Bottom Damn Line: Fuck trying to be a mack. For you’ll only end up bound and on your back surrounded by hoes talking smack and a sticky nutsack.

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