Greetings Crunkland! It’s ya girl Denise Wheatley, back in the building to report more despicable acts of fuckery taking place all around the world. Let’s get it!

Seattle, Washington. Home of the great Bill Gates, Grunge music, Grey’s Anatomy, and two nasty ass bastards named James Tait and Kenneth Pinyan. Who you ask? Please allow me to elaborate.

Tait and Pinyan are two perverts who happily resided in Seattle, where the act of bestiality (sexual relations between a human and an animal) was once legal (you already know where I’m going with this guttah butt story). Late one summer evening, the freaky twosome decided to break into a neighbor’s farm, which doubled as an animal brothel, and partake in a little anal sex with a big Arabian stallion named Bullseye.

Tait bravely went in first, face down, ass up. When he was done, Pinyan eagerly stepped in, saddled up and assumed the position. Tait grabbed his video camera and began filming the dastardly deed. And here, my friends, is where the shit went left.

As Pinyan got to knuckin, Bullseye got to buckin, causing his fifth leg to run amuckin. Poor Pinyan’s ass didn’t stand a chance. It failed him immegiately. Bullseye was like, Enough is enough boy, rough you get stuffed boy, and proceeded to perforate Pinyan’s colon (i.e. split it wide the fuck open).

Pinyan eventually died from the extensive internal injuries. Tait survived the ordeal and ended up pleading guilty to trespassing. He was given a one-year suspended sentence, fined $300, and ordered to perform eight hours of community service and have no contact with the neighbors. The act of bestiality has since been prohibited in the state of Washington.

Bullseye made it through the ordeal unscathed and unpunished.

Bottom Damn Line: Fuck throwin it back and bussin it open for a damn animal. For you could find yourself eight feet under (cuz I’m sure Pinyan’s shamed family beat him down two extra feet (c) Madea after he died such an absurd death).

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