Gremlins and J-Setting: The Life and Times of Aubrey Graham

Inexcusable. Disgusting. Stomach churning.

These words come to mind when reflecting back on the events of this past Friday on Twitter. After word came from several concert-goers that Drake fell while spinning, and tore his ACLMLTLBLILACHILLESHEELWHATEVER [Fresh said he did it while he was j-setting, check her timeline!] Twitter exploded into a seedy place of rumors and innuendo. Best believe I joined in on the fuckery myself, but on looking back, there’s a young man around the tender age of 23 whose future is at stake. That makes me sad [sarcasm].

So I’ve decided to offer several career options to the one referred to as Drake. No Wheelchair Jimmy jokes, or underhanded references to his sloping eyes today. Just help, from one 1986-er to another.

1.  He Can Become A Manny to Lil Wayne’s Litter Lil Wayne, although he may have monetary means to help out the future soldiers of Armageddon, he will not be able to be there physically and emotionally to all of his 20 children, set to be born around the same time this year. Aubrey, during this time can become their manny, changing diapers, playing basketball [yes he can play basketball in a wheelchair. Degrassi, HELLO?] with them, and teaching them the importance of staying on their grind in the midst of adversity and uncertainty.

2. Teaching Twittelebrity 101 Lately, most of these celebs have been having breakdowns, naked pics posted, and other random acts of foolishness on twitter. Although I don’t check his page that much, it seems that he keeps it cool on twitter, just simple messages, no questionable pics or tweets. May I suggest Pound Puppy, Bow Wow, and Soulja Boy be the first to register for this class?

3. Disappear This summer has not been the greatest for Aubrey. From the Pedophile-like performance on the BET Awards [somewhere R. Kelly was smiling] and his debut video/single that was nothing more than nonsensical porn [NEVER QUESTION KANYE’S GENIUS!] it seems that when Aubrey finally hit mainstream, his bad-luck seemed to increase 10-fold. May I suggest to the Canadian that maybe a little time off may not be bad. He can perfect his album. Catch up on reading. Or, re-create that aura of mystery that people crave in a celebrity and just stay out of the limelight.

I’ve offered my help. Now its time to offer yours. Go inside The Bocks today and reach out with a helping hand by suggesting some options too. I’ll appreciate it, and I’m pretty sure the bloodhound from north of the border would too.

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